Things I wish I could tell you..

I am not happy at all. I dont like my new school or Guatemala and I am getting sick of you. Of you critizising me every moment. I am an A studdent, why cant you be proud for one moment. Why are you always so mean and hyppocritucal. I cant stabd you anymore and whats worse I cant stand any of this, especially I cant stand myself.

I wish I could tell you how repulsed I am by how I look without hurting you. You've said to me so many times mum that I look like you when you was my age, but how? I've seen photos of you and I look nothing like you, you are beautiful as you were then as you are now. I wish I was like you, in so many, many ways, your strength, courage, spirit... You have been such a wonderful, caring mother to me, far more I know that your own was to you. You've never given up on me, always believing in me, never faulting me, saying I'll get there one day, even though I can't see it myself. I feel so ashamed that I've been reduced to this self critical, negative woman. I just wish I was you. I love you mum.

I miss you, I know I screw up but now I think about you all the time. I hope I haven't ruined you. I know I have hurt you and I'm sorry, I was a horrible person. The thing is I was in a weird time and you were so intense and you had an idea of me, that I was so perfect and amazing, and I freaked out. This is not an excuse, I know I deserve your hate. I hope we could talk again but at the same time I hope you never think about me again.

I need your help. You know I do. You mentioned it at dinner the other night and I ignored the comment. But you're right. I am. I have been. I've tried. Not well.but that'll all change soon. Thanks for noticing.

I learned from you is that nothing is what it seems. No one will ever be there for you as much as they say there are. You are all alone in this world. And you taught me the true meaning of that. And to think I called you my "best friend." Feeling my world crashing down as you kissed the only boy I've ever loved.

I can't feel anything anymore. I can't even cry!!! I can just feel nothing, and I don't I will ever get better. I don't think I will ever trust anyone I never did so why think I would? Will I grow past this ?

You left, when I really needed you most. Knowing exactly how I feel. I probably will have done it within the next few days. And you might not be the only reason, but the main one. Thanks

u have no idea how bad i need u to hold my hand thru this. u have my heart

I was incapable of seeing when I met you:
Anchored
by gravity to the floor of a strangers apartment,
riding amnesia and unconsciousness by the glare of a faux flame stove. An object of itching
Acquired from mud-thickened coffee.
Restless. Restless.
that nervous tick,
breath
restless
Lukewarm left welts on Pinocchio's chest,
tube feeding warmth to the patter that determined if he was in fact a real boy.
rest

You really did change my world for the better. You stopped me from committing suicide. And we had a really nice friendship from that. I grew to know you over the years. And in those last months I saw you before I moved, I grew to love you. Now, a year has passed, and I'm coming back to say hello. But you have found another person, and I still cannot forget about you and everything you've done for me. I just wish I could only see you as a friend, but I can't forget how much I love you and how much I would do anything for you to be with me again. I am excited to meet you, but I am also sad that the love we shared a year ago is now only shared by me. You have told me I can tell you anything to help me feel better about myself, but I feel like this is the one thing I will never be able to tell you in my life. I love you, and I wish you still loved me.