Too Attached in Friendships
Hi,
I'm a little more than frustrated and depressed with the relationships in my life. I have a habit of pushing people away when I think they are going to abandon me. An example of this is with a friend who had a baby a few months ago. While I'm happy that my friend and her husband introduced a new baby boy into this world, I find myself wondering what role I play in her life. I know she has to spend time with her child, but I can't help feeling like she doesn't want me around anymore. It makes me sad to think that I get so angry and frustrated with her even though I know she has a life and a family.
It just hurts when friends who say I'm like family to them suddenly leave me hanging out to dry to attend to their biological family. It hurts even more because my own biological family isn't the best. So when people say I'm like family to them, I get excited and think I finally belong and maybe expect too much. It really makes me want to isolate and give up on all friendships. This happens when my friends enter romantic relationships too. I feel them pulling away so I react angrily and push them away further. I'm starting to wonder if I deserve love of any type because I think I'm toxic by being so needy. I get so attached.
Is any of this normal? How can I stop doing this and start have meaningful, long relationships? I miss the people I've pushed away. Am I just hopeless?
@Lexloveslife I get what you described there. When you listen to the word 'family', you naturally and innocently come to believe you now belong, you now have a place to be. It comes out as a harsh reality, that people have their own lives, even though they might call some friend as their family.
This does not mean you will not have a friend or relation, where you would in actual belong. You will, but maybe at a luckier time, at the time I believe it would be good for you. Till then, maybe we can have positive relations and be good to others, that will make us ready for a long-term relationship too, if it makes sense. :)
@Lexloveslife
I'm a little more than frustrated and depressed with the relationships in my life. I have a habit of pushing people away when I think they are going to abandon me. (I can tell you go through a lot of emotional/physical pain and hurt when it comes to being close to others because it doesn't feel safe for you at times. You probably tend to push people away because all of your life you have always expected people to leave, so to avoid that from happening you end up pushing them away.) An example of this is with a friend who had a baby a few months ago. While I'm happy that my friend and her husband introduced a new baby boy into this world, I find myself wondering what role I play in her life. (This indicates your past hurt and abandonment issues puts you into survival, it sort of making you think you could be abandoned or replaced) I know she has to spend time with her child, but I can't help feeling like she doesn't want me around anymore. (I could see you feel a lot of anxiety and hurt here, but i can this is triggering a part of your past where you were possibly ignored or felt like they didn't want you there) It makes me sad to think that I get so angry and frustrated (You probably go through so many emotions, to the point it can be so overwhelming, but its important to realize that those emotions are something you have to accept and acknowledge without being critical of yourself because it will make you have feelings of depression and hopeleness. I do believe you get angry and frustrated because you are afraid you could be abandoned or replaced so it makes you have a hard time regulating emotions) with her even though I know she has a life and a family.
It just hurts when friends who say I'm like family to them suddenly leave me hanging out to dry to attend to their biological family. (This is definetly hurtul, it makes you think like "well i thought they saw me as family, but they just leave me". One thing to really consider here is that in a way you are projecting unmet and expectation on them, however they will be times where they might do those things you mentioned, so its important to be able to know the difference between the two)It hurts even more because my own biological family isn't the best. (This is going to make it tough for you to attach to others and it will not be easy to regulate your emotions because they probably made you feel ignored and abanoned, so all of this takes over in all of your friendships) So when people say I'm like family to them, I get excited and think I finally belong and maybe expect too much. (We are all hard-wire to connect and bond with others, however when we didn't attach properly to our parents or they didn't met our needs then it will end up in projecting unmet needs and expectation into others which will cause you to feel rejected) It really makes me want to isolate and give up on all friendships. This happens when my friends enter romantic relationships too. (I see what you mean, a lot of people tend to focus on the relationship and push friends away which its quite hurtful to go through) I feel them pulling away so I react angrily (I can tell you feel a lot of anxiety when they pull away, so you tend to use protest behaviors such as reacting angrily to force them into being connected with you because this is what you saw growing up. I think its hard to also regulate your emotions when they pull away, so you become focus on what you want while losing empathy for what they think or feel) and push them away further. (This usually happens if you don't communicate effectivetly with them, reacting angrily will cause them to get defensive and then you will get even more anxious which makes both sides feel disconnected) I'm starting to wonder if I deserve love of any type because I think I'm toxic by being so needy. (You are not toxic at all, its just you can't handle closeness well because it triggers a fear of being abandoned or replaced. You deserve to be loved) I get so attached. (You are projecting unmet needs on the other person here, which might make them feel pressured and often back away)
Is any of this normal?How can I stop doing this and start have meaningful, long relationships? (I believe the key is to deal and overcome with the past issues, because it will keep taking over each time) I miss the people I've pushed away. Am I just hopeless? (No you are not, another important thing would be to recognize what goes inside in moments where you push people away or when you feel angry in order to make the correct behavior)
@freshLight64
Thank you so much for this thorough reply. I want to think on it before I respond to the points you brought up. But I wanted to let you know that going through and responding to different parts of my post is much appreciated
@freshLight64
Okay, so... I really wanted to give a thorough response to your message. I can't find it in me to do that. I'm sorry for saying I would write out a longer response earlier. It seems I can't follow through on that. :(
@Lexloveslife
Its okay no worries, hopefully you feel better soon.
I'm going through a very similar situation! It is definitely rough, and I also am having trouble by being too attached to my best friend to the point where I get upset that she has her own life and pays less attention to me. I felt like I gave her so much attention when she needed me, but it's not returned now that she's busy. I'm really scared of her getting a boyfriend too. I'm scared that she is paying less attention to me, so I get angry and lash out at her. This only makes it worse. I know it's difficult - I'm struggling with it too - but it's important to try to nurture your own life. You are also an interesting person worthy of love. You do not need someone else's attention to prove that you are an important and amazing person. Another way to think about it is that you want to be matching with your friend in independence! She probably wouldn't want you to be unhappy like you are now. She wants you to have a fulfilling life too, with an even balance of other friends. I am also struggling with making new friends in order to fill the space that my older, now busier, friends used to fill. It really does help though. You also want her to be happy? If she is like family to you, you will be family no matter how little you speak. It's hard to understand this, since usually more contact = being closer. If that's your concern then you can maybe text her every once in a while about something funny or something that reminded you of her to keep the contact going.
You could also try to see if she is making an effort to still talk to you. She may not be there for you 24/7 like she used to be, but is she still making an effort? I know to me, anything less than normal attention seemed like they had lost interest. But it's actually the opposite. If she is super busy and still making time to contact you every now and again, it's really good. It means that she still has you on her mind even though her life has now become more challenging. She may also be less busy again soon once the baby grows up a bit. It's nothing about you that is making her pull away a little. Try to understand this.
Finally, you are not a replaceable person. I try to remind myself of that all of the time. When you make a new friend or if you are in a romantic relationship, does this person replace your old friend? It sounds to me that you have a very specific place in your friend's heart. She might not show it the way you want her to show it, but it doesn't mean it isn't true. Just like how you can't be your friend's newborn baby or SO, they can't be you. They can't replace all of the memories you and your friend have together. You are special.
I hope that this helped some, and I hope that I didn't project too much of my problems onto your situation! These are just some tips that have helped me. Good luck, and I'm here if you need to talk!
@DecafLover013
Thank you for your response. You didn't project too much. It is helpful to know that people can relate, although I'm sorry you're going through something similar. I find it difficult to show that I am happy for her even though I am. I have attachment & abandonment issues and unfortunately, I'm very aware of them. I spoke to her recently and she just repeated the same thing that others say. She pulled the "I will always be there for you / you can talk to me about anything" phrase. It doesn't feel true anymore. And it feels very one-sided. She knows she can come to me for things too but she never does. So it feels like, if I'm having an issue, I'm just complaining to her and it makes me feel low. It has caused me to become more self critical than I already am. They say it is okay but I feel like just dump my issues onto them. I feel like a problem. Despite my attachment to my friends, I'm fighting a strong urge to shut down and isolate. I really feel they'd be better off without me. They won't notice I'm gone anyway because I'm just not a part of their lives anymore. I'm sorry this is so negative and self-loathing and self-centered. I just can't see a benefit to me staying friends with people anymore. I get too attached and it causes all these problems.
@Lexloveslife,
I am really sorry you are going through such rough times emotionally!What I can advise you is to maybe not be afraid to face your emotions,feel your feelings whole-heartedly and try to identify the reason which triggers those.Why not concentrate more on you and on self-love and self-care?Maybe .make yourself a priority in the most important relationship we must all have --the relationship with our own self,be our best friend first and foremost and then try to relate to other people.I you over give in any type of relationship ,be it romantic ,friendship or something else,you will feel resentful because the other person is not giving you the same attention you believe you deserve and which equals your time and energy put in the relationship.Any relationship is a two-way street,if you feel like it's one-sided on your part only,then something is definitely off.But you can't control other people's behaviour,you can only control your own behaviour and response to their behaviour.So,if you feel underappreciated in a relationship,it's up to you to do something about it.If you allow people to take advantage of you ,then whose responsibility it is to change this?Not other people's definitely!Focus on finding out what's best for you and stick to it,even if it means distancing yourself from the present situation in order to find your peace!You know I heard on a site once something I find very insightful.It goes like this:"Follow your peace and then follow your bliss!"So,peace of mind is very important and no relationship should be harmful to it!Hope this helps you and good luck!
@intellectualCake2979
Hi cake. Thanks for your well wishes. I seem to be destructive to myself and those around me. I think I know what my triggers are but there may be more I'm unaware of. I do want to try self love, it just always seems to turn into danger for myself. I can't go to others anymore either. Though this is a site full of people, it's easy to feel alone. I'm not sure what's wrong with me. Maybe I'm not thinking about things the right way. Or I'm not self-caring the right way. Ugh I need therapy, huh?
@Lexloveslife,
What exactly do you do as self-care,maybe start by identifying ways you practise self-care,.maybe you need to change the ways you do this,find something that really resonates with you and works for you.It's advisable to practise re-directing your thoughts from unpleasant ,stressful stuff towards something .ore enjoyable.One technique is to decide how much time a day you are going to spend thinking about your problems,with a particular person or any other such problems.Let's say 30 .minutes a day.When time is up,just make an effort and re-direc your thoughts towards something nice.With time it will become easier for you.Don't give up on yourself because only you can be your best friend,who else will take care of you if not the person who will benefit the .most YOU :)Sometimes it takes time to change your habits but who said it will be easy!It's a life-long journey but every journey begins with that first step which,I believe,you have made by coming to this site,looking for help!Good luck and take care!
@intellectualCake2979
I don't really self care anymore but I used to just distract myself. I don't feel worthy of care tbh.
@Lexloveslife,
If you yourself have this opinion of you (not very respectful btw)how do you expect other people to respect you and care for you!You should be your best friend!Why don't you start journalling,it's a great way of putting stuff out on paper,releasing certain thoughts and observing your behaviour as well.Something may come up after all that you didn't notice about yourself before!
@intellectualCake2979
Side note: is it possible that I'm just not meant to be friends with people?
@Lexloveslife,
Before becoming. friends with people,you should become friends with you first :)We should be at peace with our inner self,be. comfortable with who we are,like the person we are.Only then will we be able to relate to other people in a healthy way.The problem with relating to people is usually within us.Maybe we just use them to fill our inner neediess,cling to people because of our fear of abandonment or rejection.Maybe we just don't want to be alone because then we'll have to face our inner issues.And we are more often than not ready to make compromises just to be with somebody,be accepted,we fear rejection and are willing to put behind our wants and needs for the sake of somebody else.Then we feel resentment because others don't appreciate the compromises we have made and expect even more from us.And we somehow lose our identity in the process.Small wonder then that we feel miserable and want to know how to change that.You are not alone in this quest.There are so many of us who want to develop and grow as human beings!Especially with co-dependent people who are people-pleasers and givers,it's very common to have a difficult time relating to people!Work on you and find ways that work for your improvement!
@Lexloveslife
@Lexloveslife
I understand how you feel. It also feels like my friend does not come to me with problems often, and I also felt like I couldn't complain to her, so I held back. That made me more bitter. "What if my venting is draining to her?" The truth is: if she's your best friend, you can trust her with your problems. However, it's good to ask her how she's feeling first before you begin to vent. Just make sure she doesn't feel like a counselor and that you're listening to her needs too. My friend did sometimes feel drained, but we talked it out. I promised to make sure to ask how she was feeling and if I could vent to her. I also thank her for listening to me. If you remind your friend that you're there to talk if she ever needs it, she'll really appreciate it and maybe she'll open up to you more? Is it possible that she's the one worrying that talking to you about her problems would be putting more stress on you? We can't know for sure, but just reassure her that you want to be a part of her life in a way that's helpful to her too. You want her trust too.
It is actually a very good thing that you acknowledge this about yourself! It's good that you're thinking this through. Having these thoughts mean that you are aware of what you can do to change. I recently looked at the self-help guide here on 7cups. The tag loneliness actually talks about attachment styles, and it has really helped me. I reccommend it if you need some reassurance.
I can tell that you are a very compassionate person for wanting to be happy for your friend. But also remember that doing so will make *you* happier. Even though your brain is telling you that you aren't made for friends, is there a part of yourself that is really sad by that thought? No one is forcing you to push your friends away! I'm sure they would be very sad if they lost you. They said you were family to them. No one says that lightly. If you've been this person's friend for a long time, you should trust that she's telling the truth! Trust goes both ways. You need to trust that her words are true in order for her to trust you with her problems.
Something that has helped me is to imagine if one of my friends had this problem. Imagine if your friend came to you and told you all of these feelings. That they felt like a burden and that they didn't think they were a part of your life. If it was my friend, I would immediately have told them that it wasn't true! I love my friends so much, how could that be possible? Your friends are feeling the same way about you. You have to trust that your friends love you as much as you love them. They need you just as much as you need them. You are not a burden, and you're not replaceable.
P.S. I'm sorry for my very late reply! How are you feeling now?
@DecafLover013
First, thank you for the kind words. It's okay. No response is too late, as this is an issue I struggle with on a daily basis and it is always good to have feedback, even if it's years from now. I'm still feeling the same. And, I'm dealing with some other issues on top of it. At this point I really do only see myself hurting my friends rather than helping. I'm being selfish, expecting too much, being too needy. I want to change my behavior and I try to be positive about it. The depression seeps back in after a while.
This morning, I feel fine though, it hasnt hit me yet. I actually feel kind of numb. I have no idea how to actually stop ruining relationships without isolating myself. I'm sick of my self pity but I seem like a toxic person. My friends deserve better and I can't give them that right now. I don't think it would be wise to interact with them until I can give them better. Their health and safety is more important than my own.
Sorry if this isn't making sense. Just woke up and barely coherent
@Lexloveslife,
You know what I heard once in a you tube video about depression :"Repression and supression of feelings equals depression."So usually you need to feel your feelings,let them surface and face them in order to overcome depression.There is always a reason for the way we feel,we just don't always pay attention to the signals we receive from our body and are not in touch with our feelings.
@intellectualCake2979
I do feel my feelings. Too much. I've never suppressed my feelings on purpose to myself. I just avoid telling them to others to protect myself. But I always feel my feelings even after periods of numbness. I don't want to feel. Feeling is part of the problem
@intellectualCake2979
I also have major depressive disorder. It seems highly unlikely that I will be able to overcome it
@Lexloveslife
That's good that you really want to change! I also understand thatt is very hard to build up self-confidence. Still, it's a good start to admit that you want to change. I'm still struggling with it too, and I have bad days. You can have healthy relationships though. The only time a friendship truly ends is if you end it. Even friends that have naturally drifitng apart can be fixed, but it's hard to fix a friendship that you ended intentionally.
It is okay to feel. Have you tried to express your emotions through writing? For me, keeping it inside only makes it worse. It's good to pour it all out and then take a step back from the powerful emotions. Have you been able to talk to someone about depression?
@DecafLover013
Can't talk to anyone about it anymore. Too risky, too triggering for others, just bad all around. Who cares anyway? Maybe it'll eat me alive and I can finally be done on this planet.
Bye. Thanks for trying.
@Lexloveslife
I'm sorry that you feel like you can't talk to anyone about this. It seems like lots of people do care about you. I hope that you will consider talking to a professional about your depression. I'm not trained enough to help you feel better, but I think they can help you. Please don't go. There's always someone who can talk to you. If you need it, you can also use these resources: suicide prevention hotline: 1-800-273-8255 or www.suicide.org. I'll be here to listen if you need me again.
@DecafLover013
Yesterday was a poor day for me. Trying to start over today. Thank you for your support and for posting resources
@Lexloveslife
I am very glad to hear back from you again. Of course, anytime. Please feel free to write your feelings here if you need to, and I will listen. :)
@DecafLover013
I feel pretty low. In just 20 minutes, I went from emotionally numb to very depressed to slightly anxious and right back to numb. I don't know what is happening to me, just know that it feels immediate and threatening. This, too, is why it is good for me to distance myself from friends. I can't even take care of myself. How am I supposed to be happy and patient and loving for someone else when I can't even do those things for me? I feel upset but I feel distant from that emotion. I was trying to start up a diet again - and I can't! My will-power is gone. This seems small but it is contributing to my overall negativity. The more negative I am here, the worse it will be around friends. My friends don't deserve a wreck like me. They deserve a balanced, healthy friend
@Lexloveslife
How are you feeling this morning? You say this is good for your friends, but I don't think it is. How would you feel if your friend distanced herself from you for this reason? It's good that you're thinking of them, but you should think about yourself too. If you want to be their friend, then stay their friend. If you need to talk to someone, talk to someone. Be a little selfish because you have needs too. Don't be afraid of what your friends think. If they're true friends, they'll understand. At the same time, have you thought about talking to a counselor? Since its their job to listen, it helps me feel less worried about "being a burden" (when you're really not being one to your friends). It still helps though.
I'm sorry that you are feeling so low. I've actually been feeling a little down too, so it's good to hear from you. My friend is going on a date and she's already a little obsessed with the guy. I'm feeling anxious about her replacing me.
I am sorry that you're feeling numb. When you're down, it feels like you've been down forever, but when you feel at least a tiny bit stronger one day, maybe try again with your diet? Or just do something that'll take your mind off of things? Do you have a favorite hobby?
@DecafLover013
I also am going to seek a counselor because whatever I have is only getting worse the longer I go untreated. Hobbies... erm.. I guess writing and watching movies. Used to draw but since entering art school 2 years ago, it has been difficult to do art that just seems like fun and not work. But I'll find something. What are your hobbies?
@Lexloveslife
@Lexloveslife
@DecafLover013
Ahhh my computer fizzled out. I'm sorry for those blank messages XD
You're in art school? That's awesome! I'm also taking art classes!! What do you like to draw the most? I like to draw, but I understand what you mean by losing interest in it. Maybe find some time to draw doodles or things that you're interested in? I like to draw little comics that aren't "technically art" to most art teachers. XD I draw them just for me. I also like to read and watch movies/ youtube videos. What movies do you like to watch?
@DecafLover013
I'm actually doing really well today. Like really really on top of the world, ready to dance in the snow outside my school. I think the snow and getting out early from classes has impacted that but I may also have bipolar disorder according to my previous therapist so idk! If my friends felt the way I did last night, I might be upset that they don't think they can talk to me, but I would also understand. It is hard to support someone who is depressed or even suicidal if you're not feeling great yourself. I would want them to do what is best for them and check in every few days. I'm sorry that you're not doing okay. I wish I had tips for how to deal with the anxiety of that
@Lexloveslife
I'm glad that you're having a better day. I hope that it lasts longer than a day! It's okay. Thank you for caring! That makes sense, and that's a good way to think about it. You said you would want them to check in but not to disappear completely? The same could go for you. :)
Ahhh my friend and I are also long distance friends!! We're also across the country. It makes it 1000x more difficult than if you got to talk to them and see them face to face. I understand. It really sucks? She's irreplaceable to me, but it's also good to have other friends that you can see. I'm doing my best to find that balance.
@DecafLover013
It didn't last hah. My good days never last. I'm gonna read the rest of your reply tomorrow but wanted to let you know that I saw it
@DecafLover013
I would want to check in with my friends, but they don't check in with me. It is easy to feel forgotten when that happens. I saw your message about art from a few days ago; I used to draw realistic portraits and cartoons. I mostly write now but want to get back into drawing, maybe back into film &photography. It's great that you draw for yourself. Art is subjective so don't let anyone tell you that what you're doing isn't art. You'd be surprised what makes it into museums and what sells for millions. Anyway, if it makes you happy, do it and don't stop.
Stepping aside from my tangent... friends are supposed to be irreplaceable like you are with your friends. I struggle with this idea because I've had people come in and out of my life often. While people aren't replaceable to me either, I find that I have been thinking about friendship all wrong. I expect friends to stick around but I also think I expect them to leave at some point due to the experiences I've had. I can't keep expecting. I'd like to be in a place similar to where you are, with a friend who loves you and won't forget about you.
When anxiety creeps in, then depression, suddenly it is harder to think positively. I'll feel replaceable and worthless. I've found it hard to shake that these last few days. Notice how I say "I" a lot? I'm also selfish, not on purpose but still. I need to take all of this as a reality check and shift my mindset. What do you think?
@Lexloveslife
Hello, How are you today? Thank you or your kind words! I will do my best to keep that in mind. You're right about the museums hahah. I hope that you get to go into art and photography more. What do you like to write about? Fiction? Nonfiction?
First, you are not selfish. This forum is for talking about yourself! You're supposed to be using I statements, in my opinion. You also allow me to talk about myself. Thank you.
I really understand how you feel. I am actually having a bad day. I feel selfish, but my friend just went on a date and she's meeting the guy again today. He's pretty much all she talks about. She has stopped herself before and said that she didn't want to be that person and changed the subject. Still, I got upset that she didn't ask how I was. She normally does, so I know I'm overreacting, but it still hurts my feelings. I know what you mean by wanting people to check in on you. When I said that friends arent replaceble, I was talking about how I felt towards my friends. I also have doubts, and I feel like they don't care about me unless they openly show it!
It's especially hard since it seems like we're both the type of people who would always ask how our friends are before we start talking about ourselves. When they don't ask how I am, I don't say anything. I read this article though and it might help you? https://www.girlfriendcircles.com/blog/index.php/2014/05/the-problem-my-friend-doesnt-ask-me-about-my-life
Since our friends are long distance, communication is so important. They can't see that we're struggling, and they're not mind readers. If we saw them in person, I'm sure they could tell just from looking at us that something was wrong. They'd be super caring! But they don't know. It's important to ask for support when you need it. I'm not perfect at that either though... What do you think? Does that help any?
I also expect people to leave me because I was cheated on in the past. It made me lose trust in everyone, even my best friend, who would never do anything to hurt me. It's really hard, but we should try to separate these people in our mind. The people who left your life aren't the people you have in your life. Your friends now haven't left you, so expecting it only hurts you. You are so much more than the few people who left you. You have your own hobbies, interests, talents, and attributes that have nothing to do with them. Try not to expect the worse? Usually it never happens. <3
@DecafLover013
I'm sorry someone cheated on you! And I'm sorry that it caused to lose trust in people. I hope that you feel can gain some of it back. Your friend seems to be mindful of your emotions, that's great. I understand what you mean about expectations. I am working to shift them but it has been a long process with setbacks. Today I'm doing really well, which is weird because Thursday I was depressed to the point of relapse. But I don't feel bad about it. I needed it. And I think that for now, I can't be here even though I feel good. I feel too good and it is a signal that I'm either in mania and have undiagnosed bipolar like my doctor said, or I am about to crash hard, or both. You have been working hard to help me and you've been so generous talking to me. You're a good person. I'm sorry you're having a bad time. I hope that I can be there for you tomorrow if I am feeling less all over the place and slap happy. The urge to spam you with smiley faces and hearts is strong. I'll settle for just 2.. 
of each. Be safe, decaf
@Lexloveslife
Thank you! It's okay. Although I am over the person, I do have some trouble trusting people. I also hope that it gets better soon. You're very kind, thank you too. I'm sorry that your emotions have been so up and down lately. Are you able to see any other doctor about it? How are you feeling today?
I'm sorry to hear that. Do these people never check up on you? Is there a person among them that you would feel comfortable bringing this issue up to? You could say that you've been feeling a little left out or explain your situation. You're right that they should initiate contact too as long as you also check up on them.You don't need a whole long list of people. It is nice to just concentrate on a few close friends. Talk to your best friend? From my experience, testing people never works. Unless there's a reason that you expect them to contact you (like you have a routine of talking on certain days so if you don't initate contact, they should message you, etc), you might get hurt. It's not because they don't care, it just might be because they don't know. There might be someone who is waiting for you to contact them right now. You wouldn't know because you can't read their mind. I know how it feels. I'm doing my best to remember that not knowing what or when to ask something doesn't mean they don't care. We should take responsibitlity and share more about ourselves too.
@DecafLover013
I don't test them. They either check on me or they don't. Nothing about that is a test. And, I'll tell people about my life if I want to. But in reality, this group of people I used to call my friends were not actually friends, and they don't need to know what is going on with me. It isn't their business, and it's fine. They are busy with their own lives, doing their own things, spending time with other people. I don't care anymore. They go their way, I go mine. It isnt as big a deal as I made it seem.
@DecafLover013
Actually the more I talk here, the more I realize I don't actually have friends. I have people that I thought were my friends, but really they are acquaintances, strangers even. I've tried many times to overhaul my 'friend list' and make new friends, but it ends the same each time. It makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me or I am picking bad friends. Both, I think. My idea of a friend is someone who cares enough to check in with you, just like I would do for others if I knew they cared. But they don't care. So they arent friends. I'm tired of being the one to ALWAYS initiate contact. Always. Sick of it. They arent friends. I'm friendless and I think for the first time in my, I'm okay with it. If friends cause this much grief, I dont want them.
@Lexloveslife Hey Lex, I feel you on that. I am sorry you have come to feel that way. If being alone helps you for the time being, I wish you a quality time with yourself. May you be happy in one way or the other. :)
@Fristo
It's fine Fristo. My life is better without friends anyway. That's just how it goes.
@Lexloveslife
Hey! Sorry I answered to the wrong post and my post is out of order. Please look above a couple of messages for my answer a couple of days ago~ I hope you're feeling okay today
@Lexloveslife
I'm sorry that I assumed anything and worded that wrongly. If you're okay with the way things are, then that's good. I'm also sorry that they weren't real friends to you. It's okay to be upset about that though. If it makes you sad then you have the right to be sad, and I don't think you're being dramatic. It's true that you should go your own path, but you can still keep people in your life at a distance, if you want. I tend to be really black and white. IPeople are either a really close friend or not my friend, but I'm learning that finding a balance in between is good. Even if you don't want them to be close friends, they can still be a part of your life. I feel like your long distance friend would still want to be a part of your life and would understand any decision you made for your own health. I hope that whatever you decide lifts a burden from you. <3
@DecafLover013
You didn't assume or do anything wrong. I just hate everything and everyone right now. Frankly, I dont think this site can help me anymore. Talking to people makes it worse, realizing that I am selfish, needy, dependent, jealous/envious, and spiteful. I'll be grateful for the few positive things I my life when I'm dead because right now, I don't feel anything but negative emotion. I'm sick of being around people who are happy and equally sick of being around people who are like me. I just want to hurt someone honestly. I feel violent and dont care anymore.
@Lexloveslife
I'm sorry. I'm going to be honest. I can't imagine how you must be feeling, but it sounds unbearably painful. I don't know if it helps to hear this, but I don't believe that you're the exact opposite of a person who seems happy. People who seem happy also have their bad moments, and people like you also have their good moments. You're not alone. You're not different, you're just struggling. It's not fair, but it is okay to feel the way that you do.
I'm worried about you. I hope that you stay safe. Please don't hurt yourself. It seems like you're a compassionate person, so hurting other people will only hurt you even more. It won't make you feel better. Rip up paper. Draw something and then crumble it up?
@DecafLover013
Thank you for being honest. I've tried ways of managing my anger and depression, and I've tried distractions from suicidal thoughts. I'm very empty right now. That seems to be how it goes. Either feel a lot or feel nothing. All I know for sure is that I ruin relationships with my anger and constant suicidality. I can't stand it. I do SH to stop myself sometimes from lashing out at others, better to turn it inwards now. But I also SH and binge eat to punish myself. For now that is my management. I'm not sure what is wrong with me that makes me this way. But it is more than depression for sure. More than anxiety. Nothing excuses the anger I unleash when I think someone is leaving me. I'm sorry that you've witnessed some of my anger here. I tend to be much nastier to those who I "idolize" especially when they dont reciprocate those feelings of idolization or idolize others in their lives. But I was still rude to you and I'm sorry. I'm really sorry
Don't be sorry! You weren't rude to me at all. This place is supposed to be an outlet for your emotions. I am sorry that you are going through these problems. You probably left this site, but I really do hope that you are okay and that we can talk again sometime. :(( I hope that you are safe.
@Lexloveslife
Ahh! It was telling me that your account no longer existed, and I was concerned about you.
@DecafLover013
Weird! I'm definitely here! 
hi. I may have put my account of self care a couple of times on impulse but I'm here
@Lexloveslife
I'm glad! How are you doing?
I am like that too. I tend not to care about what strangers think of me, but I get really mad at the people who I consider really close to me? I've been trying not to though since they're important to me for a reason? I try to remember why they were my friends in the first place. Our sitautions are different, so I don't know if that will help you. I hope you are feeling somewhat better?
@DecafLover013
Not doing much better. Might check in to a hospital. I just can't make it through these last 2 weeks of school like I thought. I even dissociate emotionally when having lot of emotion. But I cant dissociate enough. I wish I could dissociate more to shut it all out. I dont even have a lot to do. I just have emotional issues I cant deal with. I cant focus on anything else. Tried to walk down to my counseling center but I dont know where it is on campus. So I gave up on that. But I'm also giving up on this place. The issue is I became friends with a listener. That is the worst mistake anyone could ever make. So now, to avoid extra pain, I have to give this place up too because every minute that I'm not here and they're not responding is an extra minute of hate towards myself and anger towards them. Hope that you are doing fine though.
@Lexloveslife
Ahhh I'm really sorry to hear that. :(( I hope that they are able to help you!! I wish you the best of luck. I'm sorry that you have to leave this site, but I will most likely still be here when you come back. Thank you for talking to me and listening to my problems too!
@DecafLover013
Is there a way that you can look up your campus counseling center online?
@Lexloveslife
My advice would be to google and search for How to take care of new born babies. Learn and try to help your friend in need.
Also give her space, your friend needs private time with her partner.
And don't forget to make new friends, there are so many amazing people you don't know them yet. I can guarantee that. I'm a wonderful person and you didn't know about me until now .(hehe). And there are people way more amazing than me. And beautiful people will only lift other people up. They will welcome you in their life
@onerandomguy
Haha I bet you are a wonderful person.
My friend is on the other side of the country and we don't talk much anymore so she has plenty of space. She says I'm not a burden and not bothering her but I think she is too nice to tell me the truth. I'd love to help with her baby if we lived near each other but we don't and babies are kinda.. I have issues with emetophobia (fear of vomiting) and babies tend to just spit up randomly so I keep my distance. I'm also a very impatient person so probably shouldn't be co- raising a baby. Am trying to find new friends though 
I'm in a weirdly good mood right now but I think a hobby would be helpful when I'm down. My friend is also a saint for putting up with me, I don't know how she does it hahah. She's a good person. She is not deserving of the bad attachment issues I have
@Lexloveslife I felt this way with a friend of mine a couple of months ago when she started dating. He began to take up most of her time and I felt like I was being pushed aside.
My best advice would be to talk to them. That's what I did with my friend and it really helped. If you feel unsure about this then just know that if you never speak up then they might never become aware of this and it would result in a very toxic relationship for you if you respond with anger. So talk to your friend and let them know how you feel and don't make everything out to be so negative.
And if it doesn't work out, hey, just remember that just because one thing doesn't go the way you would have liked doesn't mean there won't be more opportunities. You do deserve as much as anyone else and you are worth it so just keep that in mind. :)
@PointlessRain
I did speak with her. She reassured me but I'm having a hard time believing her. People have reassured me they weren't abandoning me before but then abandoned me in the end anyway so *shrug*. We live and learn
@PointlessRain
Also, I'm really glad to hear things worked out with your friend after talking to him. He sounds like someone who really cares about you deeply, and that is fantastic