Trouble with gf...
Hi everyone...
This is my second post... so I tried talking to my gf and apparently everything was okay until a few days ago...
I usually have to work until 1 am so it's a lot of work, and specially that day I was really tired so I sent her a voice note that I was going home.
She replied saying that she didn't like the way I talked and I told her her that I was tired not angry or anything else. Since that day we haven't talked... I feel really sad since I keep asking her to talk about it but she doesn't want to... I talked to my bff and she told me that I should end the relationship...
Any advices? Thanks in advance...
@dafer96
You haven't talked at all, or just about that? If the first, she hasn't talked to you at all despite you trying, that's a pretty big red flag. If she hasn't wanted to talk about the incident, she could be realizing she overreacted, or still upset about it, or a bunch of other things...if you want her to open up, it might help if you open up first that you are concerned/worried/upset that you haven't been able to talk with her about it because you care about her and want things to be good between you.
It's hard to be vulnerable when we're unsure where the other person stands, but you really have nothing to lose:
Either she responds well and tells you how she felt and you resolve it and grow closer, or she doesn't respond well and you know that growing closer isn't something she's able/willing to do.
Being vulnerable with each other is essential to be emotionally close in a relationship. I'm painfully aware of that now, since my ex wasn't able to do that and it ultimately drove us apart. It would have been a lot less painful had I realized it earlier.
@peacefulforest75 we haven't talked at all, yesterday she asked me if I love her, i told her yes and if we could meet to talk she said on friday but now she doesn't want to. I mean I do believe she overreact... I have kept insisting in talking but she says we will only avoid the problem when in reality I just want things to be better... it's always my fault apparently
@dafer96
Hmm. Either she is really insecure or (sorry) just not that into you/has other issues. What does she say when you tell her you love her? Do you feel that she really loves you, or loves the idea of you loving her?
IME, someone who is insecure will warm up and be more loving when they are reassured. They may need a lot of reassurance and not be the first to reach out very often, but they will always reciprocate. Someone who isn't that into you, but more into the idea of you (my ex), can be really frustrating. Sometimes they reach out and can be very loving. Sometimes they push you away. Sometimes they demand to know how much you love them.
I read something the other day that was very interesting. It was about the importance of setting boundaries in your relationships. A lot of times, one of you is more of a giver than the other. Without boundaries, the giver will lose their independence and end up co-dependent on the taker, because they are always sacrificing their needs to please their partner. This isn't sustainable, and over time the giver can become resentful that their needs aren't getting met.
@dafer96
Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;
This is my second post... so I tried talking to my gf and apparently everything was okay until a few days ago...
I usually have to work until 1 am so it's a lot of work, and specially that day I was really tired so I sent her a voice note that I was going home.
She replied saying that she didn't like the way I talked and I told her her that I was tired not angry or anything else. (This behavior of her is starting to come across as someone who wants things a certain a way, and when she doesn't get the way she wants is where she will begin punishing you.) Since that day we haven't talked..(This is really demand/withdraw kind of situation. She lacks empathy and consideration for how you feel, so at this time she's making it all about how she feels. She is coming across as manipulative and emotionally immature) . I feel really sad since I keep asking her to talk about it but she doesn't want to...(This is not fair on you because i can tell you are trying to talk things out while she doesn't want to talk things out. I think she is seeking to punish you, and its coming across as manipulative.) I talked to my bff and she told me that I should end the relationship...(Your bff gave you a good advice. Your gf is coming across as manipulative, passive-aggressive, and other personality traits that will only hurt you)
@dafer96
Am I understanding this incorrectly? Her friend wants you to break up with your girlfriend bc of your tone??
@BabyHedgehog0520 hahaha no, my bff told me to break up with her because of what happened
@dafer96 shit I was confused😂
@BabyHedgehog0520
ok so Im my opinion I would tell her you need to atleast take a break. Dont break her heart and be a jerk like Im breaking up with you via text or phone call.
Talk to her in person and say that you arent agreeing with her actions and think your relationship is kinda going downhill (say it however you want though).
See how it goes after a while of being friends maybe? Or maybe just separate permanently?
Just try to be the grown up in the situation and do this the way you feel is fit.
