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Unrequited love for a friend

User Profile: diligentPal6192
diligentPal6192 September 23rd, 2021

I made a new, single male friend and fell in love with him so easily. He instantly made me feel so calm, and is the kindest, gentlest person with the most beautiful personality I have yet known. I was attracted to him immediately and received many signals from him, suggesting that he felt the same. After a series of bad relationships, this man was so different from the others I've liked. I brimmed with hope and life.


I asked him out. We had been seeing each other for dinner and have amazing chemistry together. We never defined our outings as "dates", because I wanted to take it slow and let it unfold naturally. I thought things were going really well. Everything, from body language to the way we respond to each other, suggested flirtation. I was over the moon.


So I revealed my feelings for him, and he told me that he's gay. I never saw it coming.
We're still getting along very well, indicating that our friendship is still viable. He said he hardly tells anyone this, and I'm so glad he trusts me enough to let me know. But I'm absolutely heartbroken, and I feel bad for coming on to him. I think I handled it tactfully, though, and it took a LOT of courage for me to do this.


I like men, but it's rare when I find one I'm interested in, let alone as much as this. He's so special. He treats me with insane levels of kindness, respect, appreciation, and love that I've never felt from a man before. I feel like he truly sees me for who I am, and he's a person I look up to.


He absolutely redefined what attraction looks like for me, as he is different in every way from the other men I've been attracted to. He made me aware of the qualities that I really need in a partner. I'm almost sure that these beautiful qualities exist independently of his sexuality.
He has set the bar for how men should treat me. I want to say he "ruined" men for me, but he actually did me a favor. I was treated so respectfully by a man who's not even interested in me. This is the bare minimum standard of treatment I will accept in the future.


I just love him so much that I want him to have all the happiness in the world. And I am so lucky that I have been able to make such a beautiful friend. I would do anything for this man, and I want the very, very, very best for him.

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User Profile: QuietMagic
QuietMagic September 25th, 2021

@diligentPal6192

Wow, I love how you've described all of this. 💜 That sounds like such an incredibly special friendship.

You found a person who makes you feel so calm and he has all of these amazing qualities. He's kind, gentle, respectful, loving, accepting and you feel really safe, warm, and cared for around him.

You felt a really deep chemistry with him and took a big risk in sharing how you feel, but he turned out to not be interested. Which was heartbreaking. But you still treasure him so much, you want to remain friends with him, you admire him so much, and it's like this whole experience has completely redefined the paradigm of relationships for you.

I have a few close friends like that who are completely off-limits as far as dating, but I feel like their presence/existence is a sort of spiritual support that keeps me anchored in the world. They've been there for me in certain critical moments, they've cared for me in ways that I used to think were only possible for a romantic partner, and I'm really happy that they're alive and that I crossed paths with them. The world is so vast and love/inspiration can come from all kinds of weird/unexpected sources.

I'm so happy you've found someone who makes you feel like you're expanding and becoming a fuller, brighter, happier person. 😊