Venting (no comments with advice please)

I just don’t want anyone judging me here or telling me their two cents. I had a mental breakdown tonight. My bf had r said a word for three months (long story). He’s ghosted me. There’s so much confusion. We didn’t have a fight. He just stopped talking. I was a virgin until I had sex with him and that was a few months before he ghosted. I know how that looks. It just isn’t him to do something like this. Idk what to do. For my own mental health, I’ve got to consider stopping my advances on him. I have decided I never want to fall in love again. He’s the one. So why would I bother with someone else? Either way, it’s making my thoughts spiral into a dark abyss. I can’t go back to that place. I still love him. I know it’s pathetic. But he still loves me. I just don’t know what he’s doing. And I’m not a mind reader. He struggles with mental health too. But the thing is, if he comes to my funeral, he’d feel guilty. I’ll be alone. I’ve always been alone.