Was our love real? Or Infatuation

Lindsey,

I just need to get this off my chest once & for all. Its been weighing me down too much, and I cant move forward with it. So I have to let it all go now, with no expectations, no hopes, no what ifs about you and me. You coming into my life when you did was beyond anything I ever felt before with any girl in my life. Before we talked, I was feeling so good about myself and my life, I had finally stop thinking about my ex completely, and I was just focused on me. Meditating daily, visualizing daily a girl like you in the forest in my dreams & visions. Then you came along, those first couple of days truly felt magical man. Our conversations were so deep, it felt deeper than any Ive had so far, we clicked just like that, even despite our pasts and insecurities, we were so open and honest with one another. It just felt amazing. Playing fortnite with you, watching shows and movies, getting freaky, it was all such a fun time.

Meeting you was even better. Northern canada is beautiful and gorgeous. The people are really chill, the atmosphere just felt different. I could really see myself living there one day. Unfortunately, our ride started to go down hill. You told me you still had feelings for your ex & broke up with me, I truly thought you were over him even though I had my doubts obviously and I wasnt completely wrong. I realized recently that I hadnt healed from my ex, rachel, as well. Hence why I was so paranoid and anxious with you at times. I really did get obsessed for a minute. For the first time, I didnt have to worry about me being me, when we were dating. But things started to change, you started to get distant.


Even today, I havent felt good energy from you in what seems like almost a month tbh. I betrayed your trust 1 time by looking at your phone without your permission, you forgave me for that in a few days even though you were really angry. While we were together I was completely devoted to you. Didnt cheat, mistreat you, or anything. Even knowing your past struggles with drugs that youre still dealing with to this day, I was there and supportive of you. I still have been. I lost myself in you, cause I became codependent.


Once we broke up and you wanted space and time alone, I kept messaging you & never truly left you alone. And the more I did this, the more you became annoyed with me. The last thing you told me a few days ago was that in this point in time, talking to me gives you anxiety, and youre not able to think & process your emotions especially when youre still trying to heal and get over your ex who just got back from jail. He never treated you right and you know this. Youve told me several times that hes horrible, and you still believe I am the guy that you were searching for and wanted your whole life, but I came in your life at the wrong time.

You want things to work between us, but youre really struggling mentally with your life, the ex and the drugs. Ive tried my best to be supportive and patient, and you acknowledged this yourself, but I can no longer absorb your negative energy. Ive been destroying myself in the process. I have to take care of myself now. Im moving on and moving forward with the notion that I may never hear from you again. And I will be okay with that. If its truly meant to be, Ill hear from you again and hopefully not only will I be a better person, but you will too.

Its very unlikely we ever get back together again unfortunately. But you coming into my life wasnt a mistake or a waste of time. I finally realized how much of myself Ive been neglecting. And I have to take my time getting to truly know someone before dating.

I know this now. I will become better, stronger, more adaptable to anything. I forgive you for being the way youve been to me lately, I truly do hope you get to a safe and happy place in your life eventually. I did have strong love for you, and I think you still feel that way for me too.

You dont even know that Im moving on because I dont what the future holds or what you may end up deciding to do. But I cant be stuck waiting in the grey zone anymore. I have to take care of myself before this situation literally ruins me. I wasnt 100% perfect, I made some very correctable mistakes at times, and I will learn from that.

I think Ive gotten everything off my chest. Unless you reach out to me again down the road, Im fading away like a ghost. Moving on for good. Leaving the past behind.

I just hope that you miss me a little when Im gone.