What’s wrong with me
I keep destroying a really good relationship, he emotionally cheated on me and I can’t get past it, we’ve been arguing all night and this morning, I woke up and he was on his phone, there’s no intimacy anymore, barely hug, I don’t feel apart of his life anymore. He spent all day yesterday playing golf, I had both kids from 7 until 8 yesterday, I’m all the ways burnt out, he doesn’t help me with anything. I have no trust for him after he emotionally cheated.
@Libbie96
Well, if he cheated, how is it that you're the one destroying the relationship? Have you tried talking to him about how you feel? About feeling burnt out? Have you discussed why he felt the need to cheat emotionally?
I’ve asked him everything, every time I try and explain how I feel or what’s bothering me he’ll just start an argument, but if it’s the other way round I have to accept it and sort it.
when I found out about the lying and cheating is when everything went wrong, I’m the one destroying it because I can’t get past it, it only happened a couple months ago, I’ve now become really paranoid and suspicious of everything he says and does, I wasn’t like this before, I spoke to him and my mum about it and they all blamed me for having pms… I was forced to ring the drs to get some form of medication “to help”. Every little thing gets thrown at me, I was in a DV relationship- my OH knows this- my abusive ex was outside my front door, I rang my partner and he came straight from work, that was thrown in my face last night… on my birthday my OH walked out & started an argument… he’s treating my daughter differently to mine and his son, it’s the little things. Being with someone who could flip at something as small as using a different plug socket, it makes you hyper aware of other peoples actions and words and body language, I pick up on it because if I didn’t I would get a few slaps, with my OH I’m “reading to much into it” maybe I am… but I’m protecting myself and my kids by reading into it… I don’t want to walk away from him, but it’s getting easier to think I can
@Libbie96
Well honestly, it doesn't seem to me like you're the one "ruining the relationship". Maybe you're being blamed for it, but kinda seems to me that someone who is unwilling to listen to how you feel and tries to invalidate it is at least part of the problem.
Having trust issues with a partner after they cheated on you two months ago seems like a pretty normal reaction to me?
If you both want to continue the relationship and are willing to work on it, then maybe couples therapy would be useful if you are able to get that. But if only you are willing to work on it... well that doesn't seem like a "good relationship" to me. :/
A relationship is a two person thing when things go bad it is not one person ....
many people turn on the other person to make them feel as if it is their issue and not the cheaters etc.
I do not think many get over it when a person cheats on them... emotionally or physically. I know that it takes reflection of why a person would do such a thing.
it is not always pleasant and many be revealing ...in my case i was in a very dark place in my life had lots of stress and frustration that i took out on my partner.....
while they MADE the final choice to cross a line and cheat....... it was on both as we have and frankly still have communication issues.
I do not blame myself but see how not sharing and including my partner in my struggles i was in essence holding the door open for this type of temptation. It was literally over a decade ago and i still have times that i am pissed......... but i realize how and why things can happen..... I remember a talk show that showed a person cheating is getting some emotional need met by another person.
i have put myself in those shoes after long thought about what want or need is my partner not been providing. ...........My partner is in the shoes i was once, in health issues and depression issues and is awful and selfish to deal with.
and frankly I began chatting with a different person online.......... who shows me a lot more interest and made me feel attractive and sexy ... i could understand how i could have been led astray if the timing / location presented itself...
Not saying an eye for an eye type thing but it really put the past in a different light for me.... and i am more understanding then ever of what and why it could have happened
