When you're too devoted
I've been told there isn't such a thing as too devoted, but I think there is. Especially when it's with someone who is just a friend.
Is it a bad thing to be ready to drop everything for someone who would likely drop you if they found someone better? Now, my idea of myself might be skewed, and I could be wrong. However, there's a point where maybe the devotion needs to be toned down a bit, and there's a constant fear that it would all be for nothing. Is it bad to want more? How do you know you even want more? Does being too devoted mean you want more? Does devotion mean love, or just a desire to not be alone?
What does being devoted even mean to anyone else?
@Coratox
I think it's unhealthy mentally for someone to be so devoted to someone whom they're aware does not care for them equally and would do the same for them. They're just heading for disaster if they continue holding onto someone like that and it'll negatively affect them in the long run. You could argue that this is more co-dependency, rather than being overly devoted to someone.
@SilentSerenityy I agree. I don't think that even with someone who would reciprocate those feelings it would necessarily be a healthy thing. The most important person in someone's life should be themselves. Self respect and the capability of distance make for strong relationships.
Then again I also am an emotional robot, apparently, not sure how valid my opinion is.
@Coratox
Your opinion makes sense and is very valid. I agree with you! Focus on yourself and loving you before you devote yourself to someone else.
@Coratox
A while ago I might have said to you that there's nothing as too much devotion, but my views have changed drastically. I believe it's very unhealthy to be 'too devoted' to someone and ignoring your own needs to meet theirs. You might have all the good intentions initially, but in the end this kind of devotion can lead to very strong resentment and also burnouts. We need to take care of our own needs first, we need to have a healthy level of self-worth and self-love. I might be wrong but I think that after a certain point (might be years), you want to run away from the person you once were too devoted to. There's more of a chance for love and friendship to perpetuate and last long if there's a balance between how much you do for them and how much you do for yourself.
@EnchantingMe That's completely true. I've lived by the words 'everything in moderation', and swear by them, honestly. Sometimes it can be difficult to follow in certain instances but I feel as though it's good to know when you need to take a step back, as well, and I assume those limits wouldn't be figured out if we never went over them. It's a learning process. The right people won't constantly need your attention and you won't constantly need theirs.
@Coratox
It's good to know that you've always known the importance of moderation. But, like you said, crossing some limits can make us realize the need of boundaries. Although I think it's not always about the right person. I feel it's more like, we learn certain truths as we continue our journey through life. Some people just take a little longer.
I think devotion is something that one commits only to themselves, because devoting all ones time and energy into someone else is rather unhealthy and can have an emotional and mental effect on the devotee....
@Coratox
I agree with you in thinking that there is such a thing as being too devoted. I think the questions you're asking about it are great- finding out what devotion is, and what it means in an individual context is important to figuring out if it's too much or unhealthy. Do devotoin and infatuation exist together? Is devotion for the other person, or really for oneself?
I think generally there should be a balance within a relationship. If one person is overly devoted, that could lead to a lot of problems down the line, for the devotee and the target of devotion both. I don't think necessarily that devotion = love. Devotion and love and go hand in hand and maybe love without devotion wouldn't work, but I think definitley devotion without love can happen. Maybe the devotion is a coping mechanism or distraction for something else in the devoter's life.
In the end I think yes, definitely can be a case where there's too much devotion and that it can be unhealthy.
@Anuna
I couldn't have said it better myself. I've always believed that balance and moderation are key. I've often witnessed people give their all into a relationship, becoming so invested that they forget everyone else in their lives and when the relationship ends, as it unfortunately always seems to, they feel like the world passed them by and they lost a few friends in the process. I agree also that devotion doesn't necessarily mean love. Sometimes I think it means lonliness, fear, maybe even a desire to be 'normal'. Whether or not it's in a romantic relationship or with a problematic family member or friend, being too devoted will burn a person out and, indeed, breed hate within them.
@Coratox I agree with you that there is such a thing as too much devotion. Or there could be. Friendships are supposed to be two way and if you're giving all of yourself for someone, and they don't return the favor, you will just be drained. I know from experience. I often try to give everything to my friends but it doesn't actually improve the relationship. It just ends up toxic.
@dreamforward
It does end up toxic, leaves you hating people and feeling alone. Makes you wonder why those people weren't as devoted. Though a balance does need to be found. I think it puts pressure on everyone, even if it hurts more to be the only one who is that invested.
I agree with pretty much every comment here. However, as a supplementary question, may I ask..Are there degrees of too much devotion? Or is it simply too much. I find myself in a similar situation, where I would just about drop everything for someone, who does not feel entirely the same way as me...however, I know, despite not having the "love" that I have, I do mean a very great deal to her, and that has been demonstrated. Is the level of excessive devotion measured in the difference between the level of care the two people have, or just the devotion that one person has?
@Coratox Devoted to me means putting effort in. To put effort into a relationship, whether that is a proper relationship between you and a partner of a friendship of some kind devotion is devotion. Too Devoted to something only becomes a "too devoted" if it affects you negatively in return. If putting that much effort into something is more damaging than positive.
