Wife lying about porn/ vibrator. Advice?

My partner and I have a complex relationship. We study Tantra and the first 24 months were unbelievable. Best sex ever for both of us. Super hot, kinky, open, experimental and to the stage where we literally were sharing orgasms. Since then we've had a daily practice -we make love 7 days a week.

We do have some trust issues - in the beginning we were open. When I started dating someone she closed it off but secretly kept her side open and hooked up with a few men and lied about it for 6 months. She finally came clean when I threatened to break it off. It took many months of effort on both our parts to rebuild trust....and we still struggle.

About a year ago she had some trauma occur on her clit. Either it was from my pubic bone or a herpes lesion or something she's not telling me. It turned purple and was very painful to the touch. Took about 3 months to heal. When it did, she was uncomfortable with me touching or licking her..said it was too sensitive now. Until that stage, I could bring an orgasm from her clit with a slight touch or flick of the tongue. But after, every time I'd touch her she'd squirm uncomfortably. Sometimes she's able to set aside her issues and it gets hot - but most often she just wants one or two positions and is no longer adventurous.

From the start, we'd played with porn together a bit and I learned about 18 months ago she was watching it on her own. Further investigation revealed she was actually watching some really hard core porn once a week. I had no problem with it but it didn't jibe with her story of her clit being too sensitive. I brought it up and told her I thought it was hot actually. My only issue was that I was NEVER invited. Asked her to bring it back in our lovemaking - maybe make a fantasy where I catch her in the act. She didn't like either. She still brought the vibrator in but it went from 3-5 times a week in the beginning to about 1-2 times a month.

I started using porn myself as the sex went downhill - I shared this with her and that's when shit went sideways. She got pissed off and told me I was wasting my seed and didn't want me masturbating to porn without her. I confronted her about HER porn use and she lied. This created a deeper division between us. She continues to watch porn and use her vibrator and lies about it (about 1-4 times a month that I know of) -- and now she even says she doesn't even use her vibrator. I know for a fact it's a lie as she leaves soaking wet towels around and her internet history tells a different story.

I do everything to keep things fresh. I take her on surprise dates, dinners, parties. I make her laugh, am naturally funny/cocky/ I fix stuff around the house, take her on vacations, etc. She's constantly telling me how in love she is with me so on the surface, one would think we are good.

However, the sex has gotten really boring. I'm barely ever allowed to touch her or do anything besides penetration. She just wants 1-2 positions of penetration and gives the occasional BJ. I've tried to get her to open up and experiment, try B&D, role playing, etc. She's not interested and she won't admit there's a problem.

Just recently she's been saying that there's too much pressure for it be a certain way and as a result she shuts down. She hates that I have an 'expectation'. In fact she is hypersensitive to the point where any suggestions or constructive criticism are taken as 'expectation'. What is hard for me is that "certain way" is great versus what we have now which is mediocre. She seems fine with that but I'm not.

I've asked her recently to bring her masturbation to the bedroom like I have and yet she will no longer self-pleasure with me in the room (she used to do it very regularly). She does have vaginal orgasms but they are not like the old days. She claims that it's too uncomfortable with me there now and it takes so long she has performance anxiety. She used to get super wet and squirt like crazy. Now we need lube 30% of the time.

Recently she got some psoriasis on her labia. She legitimately said she was going to take a break to let it heal. But then she continued to Use her vibrator despite her skin issue....clearly she was using it as an excuse. She also has issues with a ligament in her forearm. Also leverages that for an excuse.

I don't know what to do. I want our old life back. I want to be able to trust her. I don't want to confront her because I'm afraid she'll feel ashamed and retreat deeper into herself. I want her to open up - but I also need to get her to tell me the truth. If she's lying about porn and masturbating, how do I know she's not secretly boinking someone else and lying about that too?

Also, I really don't like the double standard that she expects me to save myself for our mediocre lovemaking but then she gets to use her vibrator (and lie about it).

What to do?