Worried beyond repair
What brought me here is that my boyfriend, well fiance, actually i dont know what we are right now. But he started using and selling drugs again after being 3years sober. Hes on them all the time and i do not like this version of him, i dont know if i want to be with him how he is now. He is mean when using them and never listens to me. Nevermind the fact that we are never physical because his drug use drastically reduced his sex drive. My best friend thinks he proposed just to trap me and as the days go on it seems to make more and more sense. He doesnt think what hes doing is wrong or risky. I have my degree in criminal justice, but what hes doing could very well ruin everything ive worked so hard for, yet he doesnt care one bit. He says i have to accept what hes doing, but i cant and i wont because im not okay with it. He thinks the money hes making, which isnt even a lot, is for our future, but i do not want that kind of money. When i tried to leave he physically blocked me and dumped out the things i had packed. I am scared of him. I dont know what to do, i know a lot of people have it worse than me but its taking tolls on me, mentally, emotionally, physically. I am already a small girl i weighed 100lbs and since this started ib the past week i have lost 8lbs. He threatened to kill himself if i left too, i love his family and do not want me to be the reason they loose him. I feel so lost and broken. Am i not enough to choose over the drugs? Am i the reason he started using again? Why did he actually propose, to trap me or because he loves me? Does he actually love me, did he ever love me?
Don't worry if he threatens to kill himself...that's probably a fake threat and even if it isn't, that doesn't be your problem. Let his family deal with him. They raised him. It's not like he's going to be alone. They'll probably be there for him or he'll have people that will always be willing to help him besides you. I'm going to look up and research on Google right now to see if there are services that help women escape or leave their houses in situations like this. I will come back when I have the information and post it here. I will click on "subscribe to to this thread" to get updates. I will post the information as soon as I can.
I meant to type that shouldn't be your problem*
Sorry, can you tell me what state you live in? I'm trying to see if there are services. You might also be able to get the police to escort you? I'm pretty sure blocking the door way when someone is trying to leave is illegal or probably worthy of escorting someone, but maybe you'll have to coordinate it through a help hotline first or one of those organizations that help women? Please let me know what state you live in and I'll try to get back to you.
You can also try to leave on a day he won't be there! Or while he's at work! You can also take the day off from work that day or pretend you're going to work, but don't actually go and use that time to escape.
I don't see how it's possible that you would be the reason he started using?? People really need to start holding men accountable for their actions. He's responsible for all the choices he makes in life. Only he is in charge of his hands, feet, arms and fingers. If he wants to be in a relationship, he shouldn't do illegal things or put you at risk in any way but men always put themselves first. I'm sure he loves you in his own weird way, but he's already proven himself to be incredibly selfish so he'll never be able to give you the relationship you truly deserve.
I just realized that calling the police might be a complicated choice for you because he might also be caught with drugs. But I did say I would come back and post more information so here is what I learned through googling: 1. A lot of the time, there's a higher chance of women being killed if they go back to meet the guy for "one more talk" or "one last talk." So don't do that. Women also get killed when they go back to their ex's house just to pick up their stuff/belongings. Don't risk your life for material possessions. If you have to leave, leave. If you only have time to grab your wallet and laptop, just do that. If it takes you too long to pack your clothes, then don't. Just leave your stuff if it means saving your life.
Here's more info: there's something called a Civil Standby that you can request if you want an officer to just stand by while you pack your belongings. It might work differently for different states, but in Idaho you have to prove within a limited time (like 90 days) that there has been some form of harassment or something that makes you afraid sniff then a judge will issue a protection order. I think him blocking the door last time and hiding your stuff counts. BUT in other states, they say no court order is needed or required. You can just request a Civil Standby directly. You probably don't even have to tell the officers about the drugs thing. Just mention the door blocking thing. You probably don't even have to mention the drugs at all. BUT I also read ghat Civil Standbys are informal so in places like Texas there is no legal requirement that says the police department HAS to provide a Civil Standby service. However, I am not an expert on this subject. You MIGHT be able to leave without police aid, if you see an opportunity to leave without him noticing, just take it. Possibly take a cab or uber? Just get out of there.
I think you should even explain yourself or even day goodbye because he'll prevent you from leaving again. And don't say a lot of people have it worse than you...Your problem is a very legitimate problem. You deserve help just as much as anybody else. Since you're going to be a cynical justice lawyer, you're probably used to being the one that helps everyone else...You deserve help too and for your voice to be heard too!
I meant to type shouldn't* explain. I think you shouldn't even have to explain yourself.
I meant to type criminal justice lawyer. Not cynical. Sorry. Typo. And I meant to type that I don't think you should even say goodbye.
