am i the problem
i tried dating again as a person with s/a trauma. it didn't go to plan. it was very much a slowburn, i'd known him for a few months and it took even longer for us to even admit we liked eachother, hold hands, and go on a date.
for context, we're both 18 and work together. i made it very clear to him that i had some childhood trauma and emotional problems relating to sex and relationships. he said this was ok. our connection was amazing. SOULMATE shit. we loved the same animes, video games, music, and had similar pictures for what we wanted our lives to be like. we couldnt stop talking for months on end and annoyed everyone atound us
i became a bit distant when he called me clingy and he insisted that i was childish and didnt jnow how to handle my trauma bevause i had a big reavtion to something so minuscule. but eventually, we made up. after this, it slowly took a downward spiral. i would come by and speak to him and he would act like i was a burden, like he didnt want to talk to me. over and over i'd ask whats wrong and he would tell me nothing, only for it to turn out that he was hiding his feelings.
its also extremely important to add that he barely communicates with me outside if work while insisting that he wants a relationship with me. he would call me crazy and blame my trauma whenever i would ask about it.
theres been many times where he would drliberately ignore me abd speak to other girls, anyone else except me and even turn around when i tried to speak to him. one night after this i got home and sobbed. i asked him about it and he told me that he doesnt know ehat to do with me because its always ome step forward and two steps back, he told me he wants it to work but the way we act at work is embarrassing him, when he was always the person who would initiate conversation.
IMPORTANTLY- he said he wanted to continue seeing me. he said he wanted us to work out. he asked me to hangout this weekend.
but the weekend came and went, he ghosted me. i gave up. i came into work and he tried to make small talk w me so i brushed him off. the whole week i couldnt even muster up the strength to look at him much less speak to him. he hasnt spiken to me at all since monday and i feel awful. i want to know if i should fo something. i want to salvage this relationship but hes lazy. and idk if he cares at all
and, am i the issue?
@sarahsnapdragon That sounds like a very very difficult situation. I am so sorry to hear about your trauma, and as a trauma survivor I understand how easy it is to blame yourself for sabotaging relationships. It sounds like he is doing that too- calling you crazy and acting like you're a burden and not talking to you.