impact of a lifetime

I am supposed to make a forum as part of my healing. I guess I should start with alittle about me. My name is Ava for all intentions on this post. I have two wonderful, hyper, imagintive children that I protect with my life. Last year, I successfully left a 8 year relationship due to abuse. I lost everything. I lost my family, friends, everything. It is hard. I built my life around him and used him as my anchor in life. I gave him everything. All my past experience, I shared with him. I shared all my artwork and writing and everything. It happened over years, I didn't really see it or choose to give a blind eye to it because I thought he was the best I could ever have. He threw things at me and then eventually the children. He hit me breaking multiple of my teeth and caused my illness that I have to worsen. Towards the end, I don't know why maybe he felt me leavingm he raped me. It is more hurtful that I told him about my past so he knows I was raped before and I literally trusted him and gave him everything and he tried to take everything from me. Changed me from a strong and person with a purpose in this life to someone who can barely make it through the day now. I want to go back to who I was before him and I can't and I don't know if I can build from my broken self but I want to be better. I want to be able to leave my house or be able to not hate my body or be able to see sunlight outside or be able to not see him in every partner I try to get. It will take alot and it will take maybe a whole lifetime but this is my story and I can't let him be in control of it.