is it relationship anxiety or am i just with the wrong person?
I've always had anxiety and was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder a few years ago. I don't go to therapy or take meds anymore because I had gotten a a lot "better" as i started college. But now i've been dating my current boyfriend for a year and a half and i've been having pretty much constant anxiety about whether or not we should be together for a month now. Whenever i think about past fights i just think " because we've had those fights it means we aren't meant to be" and that just crushes me because i love him so much and he is so supportive of me, he even knows about this anxiety and just wants to be there for me. But i'm scared it isn't enough and i've been in a constant panic attack mode just overthinking everything about our relationship. I feel so awful.
@outrigger333
Hey there, I'm noticing that those past fights you two had in the past seem to have hurt you a lot. I don't know what happened during those fights, but if you didn't feel heard and understood, if he argued with you, if he didn't acknowledge your feelings then it's bound to create some sort disconection and will make you second guess the relationship, it's like it doesn't make you feel safe around him. Those fights seems like they were not fully resolved and talked about as well.
@freshLight64 they were hurtful mostly because i feel like he kinda shuts down when we argue and doesn't know what to say, and i overreact along with that. I want to just be in present and just trust they won't happen again but i'm scared.
@outrigger333 i also don't know what to do about it
@outrigger333
I think that the most important things for him to do is to not engage in fights or arguments with you, because those never end well, it creates tension and stress on the relationship. He should listen, make you feel heard and understood without arguining or fighting you, anxiety can be quite tricky because you are also fighting against a lot of limited self beliefs you may have which are triggered at times.
@outrigger333
for what it's worth - that is my husband's tendency as well, to shut down when he gets upset or angry. It can really frustrate me sometimes, especially in the beginning of our relationship. I told him it drives me crazy and asked why he does it. His response was that he doesn't want to say anything rash in anger that he will regret later.
Maybe this is what's going on when he shuts down a bit.... he's just taking time to process and may have a slower reaction/response time when upset. I deal with it by realizing that it is just how he deals with anger and respect that he is trying to control his emotions before he speaks.
Have patience and work on it together! Talk about your feelings when you are calm and have faith in yourself and your relationship!
you can do hard things! 😊
@outrigger333 I am in the exact same position myself. I just feel alone. I suffer from anxiety and second guess myself a lot.
