Cheating
Hey I feel like my boyfriend is cheating should I feel like this or trust him when he's gone in a different state?
i met this person on tinder, weve been dating for 3 months and i was in contact with my ex, who was my best friend, through the first month, he started showing signs of an abusive relationship, he started to tell me not to hang out with my family, not text with my friends, and only video call with him because we see each other 1-2 times a week. we used to fight everyday and every hour of the day because all he wanted was my attention while i was doing my daily basics.
my ex and i are so close, and he made me feel so confident but we couldnt get back together because i dont love him, and loads of other complicated stuff, so i used to send him pictures of my body, sometime nude pictures, and my boyfriend saw them, and he thinks im cheating, even though i had no intentions of cheating and it wasnt for any sexual reason , he broke up with me and i feel so guilty and im so fucking guilty. before he break up, he forced me to send him nudes while he masturbates to them and threatened me to tell everyone.
(Ive never done this before and not sure Im doing this right)
but anyways, my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year now and about 9 months ago he kissed another girl multiple times over about a month of time. He eventually felt so bad he told me about it and apologized and cried and all that and so I decided to stay with him. Hes been so great ever since and I was able to forgive him and eventually get the trust back. Then with the new classes this term, the girl and I got put in the same class so Im forced to see her everyday and I feel so bad about myself everyday. I dont know how to deal with this or what to do. Ill be fine and then Ill hear her damn laugh or something and just want to go crawl into bed.
@Haynay7 dang. sounds like a rough situation. There's not a whole lot of options of what to do, really. I mean, basically there's 3 overall options of 1) try to ignore her, 2) try to switch classes, or 3) talk to her (I'm not trying to sway you in any one direction either, just talk through options.)
So switching classes would be extreme, but if it's affecting you bad enough that it's hurting your grades at all I'd speak with a teacher about it, though then it'd be difficult because you'd have to convince teachers to let you switch halfway through the semester.
Right now you're trying to ignore her, so i presume you already have an understanding of the benefits and consequences of this approach since you're experiencing them now.
i don't know who this person is, if she knew she was kissing a guy who was dating someone else and if she knows that person is you. I don't want to tell you to talk to her because she could end up being more of a bully if she's that kind of person. Or, maybe she feels badly and would feel badly for losing him if you talked to her about how it made you feel and you two could talk things out. But anyway, lots of uncertainty with this one.
You may want to try talking to your boyfriend about it, too, and see what he thinks.
@ReclusiveReptile
thank you for that. Yes she does know who I am, I actually messaged her before the term started calling her out and she ended up apologizing. So I dont hate her Im not even mad at either of them anymore. In a weird way I kind of want to be her friend..which doesnt make any sense at all to me. Do you think thats a normal thing to feel??
@Haynay7 yeah, it's totally normal to want to try to be friends with someone who may have hurt you in the past. not everyone feels this way since holding grudges trends to overpower those feelings, but being friends with someone is probably the fastest way to get to a point of understanding and cooperation. It's hard to stay mad at someone who makes you laugh. Honestly, the one method that every worked for me with dealing with bullies was to kill them with kindness. If someone is repeatedly mean to you and you're repeatedly nice to them, they'll either start avoiding you because it makes them feel like a horrible person or they'll end up as a friend, so some of my friends used to hate me. Course, we never become bestest of besties, but still it's easier to forgive people who were mean when they are actively trying to make it up to you with the little things. Course, some people won't care and still act like a jerk, but i always thought it was worth a try. Though my current boyfriend takes the polar opposite approach and if someone does something mean he'll be mean back, which sometimes digs him into a hole but he doesn't like the feeling of being walked on by being kind to people who hurt him, which i can respect as a decision also. No way is necessarily the best and both have their drawbacks. Just do what you feel is best and would make you feel best. I tend to have issues with regret so i generally try to do whatever I'll regret the least later.
@ReclusiveReptile
thank you, this helped a lot.
