I have a person marked as "Right person, wrong time" : but I don't know what to feel
I met a guy online. Now we have known each other for a year. We've never made anything official, but we have expressed mutual romantic and sexual desire for one another. But at one point we drifted apart and remained friends.
During this long time period, he dated several others, all of which did not go well (he got cheated on) and lasted maximum of a month. It got to the point where he got backlash from his friends because he would break up with someone and then find another partner within a few days.
About a few weeks ago, we contacted each other again. He asks me if we can have romantic relations again, which I accepted. He said that when we drifted apart he got with several others because he was impatient and kept hurting himself with them. Said that he always cared for me.
Then 2 days later asks if we can remain friends, because this wasn't realistic. We lived on separate continents, our love languages were apparently different, and he took issue in distance. I don't want to make him feel unloved. So I accepted this turn of events.
And recently. Recently we got "married" as a joke, but then actual feelings started resurfacing so we were back on romantic terms.
Then I felt distance. I asked him if we were friends or more. He says we're more of friends now because he's confused on his feelings between me and a real life girl he met.
Now that you know the backstory, I don't really know how to deal with this. There's a point at which you need to just stop, right? I want to say he's my soulmate, that I would want to fly to him and be together, and I'd do that, even as friends.
I just don't know what to do with my feelings at the end of this. What are your thoughts on this? Does he actually care for me?
@lifeishardbutillbefine hi, i'm in a similar situation as well except without the real life
girl. i know it's so much easier to say than actually do, but i think
accepting it and letting go is the only way to get over it. i do believe
he cares for you, but not enough to do anything about it/ the
circumstance is just impossible. i think you know as well that him just
caring is not enough, you probably expect more.
acceptance
that it won't happen is very much necessary. you need to love yourself
and realise that you are deserving of so much more than this person who
is keeping you as a backup/ placeholder he can come back to whenever.
maybe you also have some self-worth issues because you keep allowing him
to come back and do this to you.
your feelings for him might
cloud your judgement of the situation, but try to ask him directly what
he wants from you and why he is keeping you there. if he is truthful,
take what he says as word. if he is avoidant, realise that his actions
speak for themselves. actions speak louder than words and what he is
doing should be enough for you to start thinking for yourself.
i am not sure if this will help because i am also someone who is still stuck in a situation like this and i am trying very hard to accept everything. but i hope this helps.
It can be hard maintaining a long distance relationship and you have invested time with this man. Sounds like you want a relationship and this one doesn’t seem to be fulfilling your needs. Would you consider opening yourself up to someone where you reside?
To be fair, we're both basically people who work better with real life relationships, which is why this is happening, but honestly, I'm not sure about this. Theoretically I could open myself up here, but I don't know if I'll end up developing feelings for anyone in the end
