I'm Confused if I have feelings for my best friend or not.

I'm not sure if I've feelings for my bestfriend. I've known them for 3 years and I never felt this way. Recently I couldn't stop thinking about them. They made me so happy. I didn't feel anxious with them. I don't feel like I hate myself. I love it.

I don't have any sort of affection from my house and I'm craving attention. And I get it from them. No one's ever been this nice to me ever before.

If I'm being honest, we already act like we're together. Calll everytime we're free. Tell everything that happened in our day, send what we're wearing for the day, buy stuff for each other, try and hang out as much as possible, usually alone. Idk maybe I'm lying to myself but know for a fact they will never see me that way.

The only problem rn is. They have another close-ish friend that's in the same spot I am in. That guy also is confused if he likes them or not. And I feel like if I let them know that I am too. It might overwhelm them since I'm the ONLY person they talk to or trust. I feel like I'd be ruining our friendship and they're mental state, and I would not be able to live with knowing I hurt them. But I can't take it, I can't take hearing them talk about the other guy, I can't stand it. I had the worst. Experience today. I felt like puking. I was shaking. I was crying I couldn't deal with it. I need to let it out but I don't want to hurt them on top of that I've moved away from where they live. And I'm going to going back for a few weeks and I would die to meet them. But If I let them know now. I might ruin seeing them. I don't want to not see them. I miss them. Idk what to do. They're the only person I trust. My family makes me feel like I'm invisible and my best friend doesn't. Im very confused. I told myself to shut my feelings off and that they're not real and I'm not sure if they are but I want them to go away. I feel like I should tell them I don't want to talk to them. I can't take it. But I can't live with knowing that those two would be together. Even tho they're not sure if they like them back. It still breaks my heart. Idk what to do.

They're not doing mentally well right now. I've been taking courses and reading so much for the past year since I got to know they have anxiety and ADHD. I've been trying to learn ways I can help. I would do anything for them. Idk what to do. I don't want to lose them I wish I could just stop my brain from being my brain. I'm so confused