i need advice pls
I've been having a lot of things with my relationship stress with someone I love. We broke up a month ago, because he felt like a tool, and that I wasn't treating him right, and I honestly felt like I wasn't, but I still love him and I've been wanting to make myself a better person for myself and the chance of us getting back. We've had an on and off relationship for 2 years. I was taking time recently even till now for myself to see how I was in the relationship and to be honest, I was very dependent and attached to him. I would always spam him, sometimes I wouldn't think about his feelings which really sucked that I didn't, I didn't love myself or take care of myself, so it ended up like him doing everything and trying. He was always trying to help me. He did a lot for me, he was always there for me, looked out for me, always spent time with me, and all of the things he could do to make me happy, and both of us happy. Even when we weren't together like during the on and off, he never left me, even till now, like he still cares, and talks to me, and I honestly still have feelings for him, but I just wanna at least do the right things which is to learn from my mistakes and I did. A lot of drama happened recently, but his family and I are okay now, like in good terms. I actually talked to his cousin, I sent her a message that I wanted to say to him, but I showed her to make sure it was good, and she thanked me for lightening his life, that I actually brightened up his days, and that if we do get together then she wouldn't mind me as a cousin-in-law. Him and I have talked recently, and I kinda asked him some things to see if he still does have feelings, we had this poem thing that we had to recite and him and I did it together and like after rehearsals, he said I did well and that I shouldn't worry about how I did, I asked him if he misses hearing from me and he said he does, he replied cute to a picture of when I was younger, and the message I sent him that I sent to his cousin, he seemed happy, and he thanked me, and told me to take care of myself as well.
@luvinvader
I must say, I really admire your honesty! 
My hat is off to you and truly this is a sign of growth. You can't change what you don't acknowledge. You have shared your soul and your thoughts and you are showing that you are willing to be vulnerable and that you are willing to change! Well done my friend, well done!
What I hear you saying is that there may have been a component of co dependency in the relationship. It's easy for these things to happen, but it stunts our growth as people and sometimes if that happens, we can become a true burden on others. Co dependency in relationships isn't healthy for either party. Sometimes taking others for granted can happen or mis treating them thinking that they will always be there.
It sounds as if your boyfriend decided to break away for a bit and experience his own growth for awhile, independent of you.
My question is are you wanting to change for you or wanting to change in an effort to get him back? This could be a valuable question to ask yourself. If he showed right back up on your door step do you think the pair of you would simply fall right back into the same patterns? Just something to consider I guess.
Something also to consider is spending time with yourself. Developing yourself. Maybe even writing down on a piece of paper all of the qualities that you would seek in a significant other. I think this is a brilliant start. What about, after listing your honest answers, thinking about if you pocess those qualities yourself? Where do you align with what you are seeking from another and where do you fall short? Sometimes it's interesting to do develop yourself, and become the type of person you seek, become the person that you admire. Develop those qualities within yourself so that one day, when that "person" comes along, you have truly developed and you are ready to engage in that healthy relationship.
If you love something, let it go. If it was meant to be yours, it will come back to you.
And if it doesn't come back to you and you truly love, then you will be happy for them for their journey and wish them well. But you will also be sitting, being open for perhaps another to come along that you are ready for. I send you big *hugs*
@SparkyGizmo oooh, that's true and u do have a point, and yes in our relationship there was codependency especially on my part. we broke up but we still kinda talk really often like more than 2 days or more every week, and like yeah i have been trying to take time for myself and grow. he also said he wants to improve on some things though. i don't know if he still has feelings like by asking, but i don't want to, but our relationship, we went thru a lot. he's always stayed with me even right now, even when i was dependent and lacking self love , and i also hurt him before which sucks, but he still stayed. he had the chance to block me, but something stopped him.
@luvinvader
Sounds as if there is a great deal to admire in him. I'm glad he was there for you when you needed him the most. But by you simply creating this post and reaching out shows that you might be ready, you might be truly ready for growth, the self love.
@SparkyGizmo ooh wdym by a great chance to admire in him? 😳
@SparkyGizmo i want to change for myself the most, but i also want him back, ahhhhhh
I'm sorry
