please help, I called someone ugly and now I feel really guilty?
hi I'm 17F
I've been friends with a guy for over a year now and I'm half interested in him but idk. A close friend of mine has started talking with him because of school stuff and she was telling our friendship group about how nice he was. I agreed, because he is really kind, but another friend asked me if he was peng and I laughed and said "no".
I didnt mean to say it so bluntly, he isnt conventionally good looking but I think he is attractive in a way. idk, maybe I was just scared that someone might pick up on the fact that I sort of like him? Regardless, I didnt outright say hes ugly but the subtext is still there right?
Yeah, I feel bad now so what should I do? I feel like apologising to him, even if he wasnt there at the time, but that'll probably do more harm than good, it would just be for my conscience. Should I just learn to never do it again and move past it?
@coinpolice
YES YOU OUGHT TO LEARN A LESSON FROM HERE, NEVER JUDGE A PERSON BY HIS/HER LOOKS.
@DLee1959 that's a bit rude, it sounded like an innocent comment to me
@FoxPrince thanks for sticking up for me, I get where they're coming from though, I absolutely despise judging people's appearance and I can't believe I did it :(( I'll definitely be learning a lesson here
@coinpolice
Tell him quickly...
"I mis-spoke and meant to say...
To me... you're attractive in your own way."
Also...
Acknowledge that you were wrong.
Express your regret and remorse.
@7motivation I would tell him but if he wasnt there, wouldnt it be worse if I tell him outright? might hurt his feelings if he heard it from me again??
@coinpolice
Hi Coin! Im a female as well, and your worries and feelings of guilt are understandable. Im here to let you know, you have nothing to worry about. We, as humans, overthink everything, and what you said to your friends will just pass over their head and they won't bring it up again.
It's completely up to you if you want any "change" in the relationship with your guy friend. If you want it to be more than friendships, I am rooting for you, and if you feel it's still not time nor right in your gut, then I will root for your friendship as well.
@Skyy0 I really hope my friends didnt take much notice :((( but even if they did, I suppose that's just a lesson I will have to learn then !
@coinpolice
If you tell him even though he wasn't there...
then you don't have to worry about someone telling him what what you said.
Also maybe tell him that you learned your lesson...
to not answer such tricky questions...
or what ever lesson you learned.
@7motivation I'm not quite sure how I would go about telling him though :((
@coinpolice
You're friends with him you said. So if you want... you could just make a quick confession... in person or text him or however you usually talk.
Also... after you talk to him... explain to your friend-group too.
You know, it's possible he might have inspired one them to ask you the question to see if you like him.
Maybe he planned it all. Anything is possible. But either way... telling him what you really meant might be good if you think he might hear from the friend-group what you said about him.
Also with gossip, they might spread it. Who knows.
That's why whenever one mis-speaks or makes a mistake...
it's best to correct it ASAP to put out the fire that can spread.
@coinpolice I think it's great that you realized that your dismissive reaction wasn't a true reflection of your feelings! But as long as you acknowledge it to yourself and nobody is hurt, you don't need to feel bad.
I don't think you need to be perfectly honest with everyone around you (sometimes you definitely shouldn't speak you mind perfectly, haha). Far more important is being perfectly honest with yourself. Sounds to me like you're doing that.
@FlannelBoxingday yeah I'm just worried if he did happen to hear about it, then he will get hurt so idk if I should be telling him myself and explaining what i actually meant :(( but like would that be weird?
@coinpolice
I don't understand, you said "NO" to affirm someone's reduced lack of physical attractiveness. Did you do this affirmation in front of the person what wasn't good looking?
BTW physical attractiveness is all relative.
Some people think Paris Hilton is hot. Some.....well...
@coinpolice Hi, How are you? We should respect everyone. No matter how they look, we have differences and that differences makes us special and unique. We should look more on what does the person's heart says. I agree, maybe you should apologize and stop thinking unnecessary things about this person. We should embrace differences and respect everyone. Have a good day!