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Apology to Long Ago Ex for Cheating

User Profile: faithfulZebra8678
faithfulZebra8678 October 6th, 2025

I'm glad I'm living a better life now, but an incident in my past still troubles me. I cheated on a boyfriend at the time. This was over a decade ago, actually many many years ago, was it over fifteen years ago? I told him right away when I got back to town, and we broke up with two weeks...or was it right away? I meant to call him and break up with him beforehand. It was so terrible of me. I feel so bad to this day, though I've moved on and seen other people. I married. I'm in a different place now. Sobriety, self-care awareness, therapy, etc. I had current and past major issues with myself, and didn't really respect my body or others so much. I didn't really understand relationships, and was rather depressed. I was depressed before and during that relationship. I definitely shouldn't have been messing around with anyone at the time, or at least, could have tried for better relationships.

That was so rude of me. I should have taken the boyfriend/girlfriend thing much more seriously.

I'm trying to write the ex-boyfriend I mentioned, the one I cheated on, an apology note, because I feel he is or was very mad and not looking to forgive me at all. Though, I've had a difficult time trying to track this person down. I've written quite a few letters on my past to different people for different reasons. Sometimes I don't write them, but sometimes I do.


I think after I told him about the other guy, I brought up marriage and then said we probably shouldn't because I'm the one that brought it up and you're probably not even in to it. This was rude of me because sometimes the female brings it up, and it's ok. Also it was rude because I don't think I actually wanted marriage with him. We stopped hanging out soon after that. I wasn't ready to think about marriage in reality. 

I was so depressed on a lot of issues. The relationship, like many of my relationships and past-times at that time, I think were just things that seemed awesome but were rude and not helpful to my journey, or would have made it difficult. I ended up getting through some major issues over the last years that makes me feel so much better. I think I've become a better person and maybe made a good influence on the world by getting through these problems. I'm thankful for all of my friends and acquaintances. I'm sorry my problems had to effect anyone else badly. I'm sorry I wasn't so good at relationships.

Relationships can be difficult but beautiful.
3
User Profile: Amanda84
Amanda84 October 7th, 2025

@faithfulZebra8678

🥺

I'm glad you are in a better place now truly 💕💜

Be gentle with yourself.

You were going through a hard time.

You took accountability .

You owned your mistakes.

You deserve to be happy.

I recommend writing the letter, saying everything you need to and then not sending it but letting it go 💕💜

User Profile: faithfulZebra8678
faithfulZebra8678 OP October 15th, 2025

Thanks for the reply. Well and kindly said. I think I can forgive myself. I don't mean to keep complaining and so on, but some of this is difficult. I think I'll be okay, but I wonder...


So often I hear:

Once a cheater always a cheater


What about:

Past needs that were unhealthy, rude, disrespectful, cheating, etc. are acknowledged and no longer acceptable to me. (Sorry again). Loyalty, integrity, etc. are what I need near to me now.


...or maybe they're talking about just in that relationship, always a cheater?


To see the good and all, it really helped me to figure out what I want in relationships and to wait till the "right time".

User Profile: faithfulZebra8678
faithfulZebra8678 OP October 15th, 2025

I kind of feel like I owe him. I guess I can keep being nice to people? I guess I owe a lot of people for my journey. But really it may be that I don't owe them. I'm trying my best, and that is all there is to it. No one owes me a thing for kindness or anything! Unless of course they actually owe me because they said they did. Or an apology, but whatever, they are forgiven!

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