Partner away sometimes
My relationship partner doesn't really come home every night. I say I really would like to know if he's not going to be home. He says it's only that he is working most of the time, or hanging with his friends. I get quite upset and jealous, then feel maybe I'm wrong to be controlling. Like maybe I don't deserve a guy who comes home. Like maybe I'm being greedy to expect him home every night. I don't know what to think.
Maybe this is just another thing we disagree on.
I'm trying not to judge the path he needs, nor mine.
I think I'm going to try harder to help what has been driving us apart, and also journal. I'm sure not going to try too too hard because I'm not trying to make him into something he's not or doesn't want to be. This is difficult because I feel sometimes I don't get where the line is between being a good wife and being too controlling. Between trying to help him and realizing if there is a time to help me and maybe that I need to walk away other than being too controlling.
I knew a lady once whose husband would leave for days on end and I was appalled but didn't want to judge.
I wonder if, for me, this is like he is standing me up on a date every night for our time together I thought we had.
Maybe my recent evaluation of our relationship and what I think of some of his relationships will maybe help everything, maybe not. Maybe this is a cry for help. Maybe a cry for help for him!
Please don't use this reflection for personal advice without knowing everyone is different. I want it to go well for you and I don't want it to be my fault if it doesn't go well for you.
I'm sure I can't change my man, only myself and my environment. And I can sure try to be nice.
@faithfulZebra8678,
are you two living apart?
@dukeofdearham
I moved back in, there were compromises and changes. I likely need to reflect on all this.
I'm going to keep making lists and trying to compromise.
He seemed unhappy after we married that we didn't do enough real dates before marriage. I thought we we're dating, but maybe no. I'm going to try to give him that, and make sure we can do dates before we proceed, if he wants that.
@faithfulZebra8678
Most usually people get married to be together, not to satisfy their partners desires to have dates with other people...
@faithfulZebra8678
Hey, may I ask if your husband was married to you, or was he married to his friends???
I think it is not at all "too controlling" when you expect your husband to be back home at night (unless he is working shifts, and that belongs to his work schedules).
I would even go as far as saying that he might not properly appreciate the fact how good wife you are, by his not coming home for nights.
As I said, coming back home to spend the night by the side of your partner seems like a normal and positive thing, except some work-related circumstances, like working in a hospital, a factory or shop working around the clock, being a night guard, a policeman, a petrol station or airport worker etc.
@jacek73
Not every marriage is perfect. I'm not perfect. I realize there are things I or my husband and I must get through for a decent relationship.
We're not seeing other people at this time, at least not that I know of.
Your reply helps me reflect on this, thanks.
@faithfulZebra8678
Though I won't say how together we are.
Staying hopeful.
@faithfulZebra8678
That's good to know your husband's absence at nights is not connected with any legally persecuted activities 👍 However:
"Not every marriage is perfect. I'm not perfect."
May I ask who told you that when you heard it for the first time?
I believe most marriages are circling somewhere in the middle (or above the middle) between "extremely bad" and "unbelievably happy". But I suppose that is important to know what (and why) for me is a bare minimum.
"I realize there are things I or my husband and I must get through for a decent relationship."
Would you like to share what you mean in particular, or is it not the right time?
@jacek73It has been a while, and I think my partner and I's relationship has been improving drastically. I think we are both really trying. What I think I meant was that "we", or I, would have to really try and compromise, while holding our own. That is difficult. Also, reflect on ourselves and each other. which can take time and space. Hopefully not too much of either, or whatever I mean. Thanks for the reply, for listening. I'm blessed that my partner does listen, too. And may there be good things for your relationships, too, if that's what you're looking for.
