I turned away from spirituality
Having had trauma over the years, and acute trauma recently, I recently removed my spiritual crutches and references from my visual centers. Some went into the garbage, others I tucked back into jewelry boxes.
Since having the trauma I started looking inward rather than up. I viewed more things as dumb luck rather than divine.
I am feeling rebirthed and more introspective. Faith in myself instead of faith in external. I'm rebirthing into agnostic athiest.
There should be no apologies for doing so. Things are clearer and make more sense by not wondering "why". I found by asking "why" in regards to believing in a higher power, that it was almost impossible to have faith. By not believing and nit asking why, life makes more sense.
I'm 65, not 25..so it seems it's something that has evolved for many years
What you wrote about the question “why” really struck me. I also feel that the more we try to find meaning “up above,” the less connected we often feel. And when we let go of that and focus on the here and now, everything becomes clearer. Your perspective doesn’t need any apology — it shows freedom.
Thank you for sharing this. There’s a lot of wisdom in your words — not just for you, but for others too.
@Sandhya60 I find we have to have faith. I drifted back and forth to the church but after my 3rd return and becoming more active in practicing my faith and becoming more active within the church its been great. I wouldn’t totally give up on it. It has been a godsend helping me deal with Trauma, PTSD, Depression etc
I do subscribe to the "what ever gets you through the night" philosophy. However when 3 senior citizens are taking care of an Uber senior anymore bodies are wearing out, we were told by palliative care, it's not unusual now for senior culidren of Uber seniors to die 30% of the time now, that adds to my ire of what does God want from us, when we have 70 somethings in failing health taking care of over 95. Dementia, who doesn't feel any aches pains or illnesses any longer...well let's just say, it creates atheism. Maybe docs need to find out what part of the brain that is in all of us, and destroy, illness, injury and surgery memories from the brain. Better than placebo apparently. That and experience acute or chronic lifetime trauma, God just doesn't seem to fit into any equation.