Seeking faith
i was born into a catholic family, i got baptized and did my communion, but i’ve never felt a strong connection with god. for a while i began praying in an attempt to find that connection, but i feel as though things i asked for only seemed to turn the opposite when i prayed. i wouldn’t pray with the sole purpose of asking for things, but i would pray and thank god for my life, even when i hated it, and i would vent to him. i would ask for things at the end of my prayers, not usually materialistic, but more like asking for guidance and assistance on the path of self love. i feel as though my self esteem got worse when i asked god for help on loving myself, my relationships got worse when i thanked god for them, and its all led me to believe that god truly doesn’t want the best for me. my life only seems to worsen when i pray, and as a result i’ve been losing faith. i feel guilty to lose faith in god, but i don’t feel his love. i’ve tried to form a connection with him and i feel no presence. i guess the reason i’m writing all this is to ask for guidance from any other christians. i feel guilty for losing faith, and i truly want a connection with god.
@j9yd3s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiRGdrAY37c
Please, seriously, do watch this. And then if I may ask you, please tell me if it helped you.
It has helped me.
@j9yd3s
As a Muslim, one story that came to my mind while reading your post is the story of the Companions of the Cave (known in Christian tradition as the Seven Sleepers). They remained faithful to God during a period when everything seemed to be going against them. Their story helped me understand that hardship is not always a sign of God's rejection.
It is not a sermon, nor an argument about religion. It is simply the story of young believers who struggled with fear, doubt, hardship, and trust in God during difficult times.
If you are interested, there is a dramatized series about their story. I found it thought-provoking and inspiring:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5r9VXVP6P0&list=PL-wU-5A3ns7pa4oupQFGbjgcD3zH3OBBE&index=1
The fact that losing faith hurts you is proof that your faith isn't dead. A heart that's completely disconnected doesn't care
"Do not despair of the mercy of God." (Quran 39:53)
Don't confuse feeling distant from God with being abandoned by Him🤍
@j9yd3s
As a small addition to my previous comment:
One thought from my own faith tradition has always stayed with me.
Imagine a sick person asking a doctor for a specific medicine. A good doctor does not simply give whatever the patient asks for; he gives what he believes is truly beneficial. Sometimes the treatment is different from what the patient expected, and sometimes it is even painful.
The patient may not understand the reason at the time, but that does not mean the doctor has stopped caring.
In the same way, I would be careful about concluding that difficult circumstances or unanswered prayers mean that God does not love you or want what is best for you.
Another thought that has helped me personally is this: we often judge prayer only by whether we receive what we asked for. But perhaps the first purpose of prayer is not to change our circumstances; perhaps it is to remind us that we are not alone.
When a person prays, he is already acknowledging something profound: that there is One who hears, understands, cares, and is able to help, even when we cannot yet see how.
What stood out to me most in your post is that losing faith troubles you. You still care. You still seek. You still want a connection with God.
To me, that matters.
Perhaps your struggle is not evidence that God is far away. Perhaps it is evidence that your heart is still searching for Him.
I sincerely hope that one day you will look back on this difficult period and realize that it was not the end of your journey toward God, but part of it.