TW having a hard time
big trigger warning
i having a really hard time everything flooding me right now oct. 30th and 31st are very bad memories for me brothers and other boys lived by us formed a almost i guess you call it a cult within that they did things very bad spiritually and sexual to me i can hear the chaning and well body memories flashbacks and night terrors happening right now and only getting worst closer to them dates night time the hardest for me
many not believe in what happened they say it no longer happens but i know it does yes this was just a group of boys not like the big gruops like it at all they used a satnic bible they took from school library no one know they took it but pure evil thing to do was in it sadly me and other girls who lived by us were ones they did stuff too i not go into details due to what happened and could trigger others too
i am a christian but what they did to me was the other side the enemy of my soul i try to just pray and feel more of Him but within this time it very very hard to do i feel fear, shame, dirty, and gross due to what they did to me and made me do to others i know for most Halloween just fun time with friends and family this is not how i see it or feel it at all
feel like i misunderstood even heard no way could that have happened and other things like that it did happen i sure i not only one happened to who come on 7 cups feel alone in this right now
@stormieandpaws
This sounds like a difficult time of year for you.. You are now more aware of the abuse..
You can't escape these feelings but maybe you can make peace with these thoughts and move on..🌲
@stormieandpaws It breaks my heart that people have made you feel unheard or dismissed. I'm so sorry you're going through this right now, but I want you to know one thing - I hear you, and I believe you.
@mytwistedsoul
thank you for kind words and being here for me too i kinda think it a alter who repeating them things was a lot of programming too i thought i know all the alters with in now i not sure yes one i know work as a teem but still unsure there not be more hiding not going to say much but within there be caves and other places that many came from this might be due to what happened to my brother and him no longer alive so now free to remember more and more detailed
just unsure about the shame guilt and so many other things too i was made to do things that were awful even to other girls this was not what many would call a cult but it was to me they call themselves the brotherhood something keep happened when i was 10yr that also coming up more if that make since so yes awful time of year
Christmas time coming fast too that also was awful time of year so it hard right now and many have not believed me in past also they try to say it was not abuse due to the oldest boy was only 5 years older others were 2 and 4 years older so all were kids i had many say seeing they was only kids too that it was not real abuse but i know it was
thank you yes i know i belong to God and even then i did some say no way evil touched me within due to i already believed in everything Jesus did for me that always helped a lot even when the abuse was being done to me not everyone within believes that
so i deeply thank you for hearing me and truly listening to me it helps me a lot to not feel alone in all this right now feel like a dark weight on me but not within me
@stormieandpaws Working through the programming is so hard. It's something we've been struggling with. They say that as we feel safer, more pieces and parts come to light. It's still painful and scary though.
@mytwistedsoul
thank you reminders are good when the things start coming up more it hard as many believe this type of abuse still happens they say it no longer done so many things done even now days in secret and hidden from most people us who say it happened to us they say no way as no longer done but evil still out there being done think most just want to brush it off put it under a rag but some of us can not the programming the hardest part of this even now due to was taught to SH so far we not done that but yes we struggling with that part too
not all within believe in God in same way but we allow that to be as each part has a right to believe as they do can be hard at times too i not lost time at all so that good but hearing some within i not heard before i know they not new they was just hiding but with brother passing i think they showing self now due to they feel safe so we will see
@stormieandpaws You're absolutely right. They often get really good at hiding the abuse. People and the rest of the world get to see the public face. Only in secret to do show their true selves
@stormieandpaws Find closure, be forgetful and pray about it everyday. The bible is not just a book of words it is supposed to equip and train us to deal with emotional pain and keep us focused.
I read my bible every night before sleeping.
@affectionateShade7072
thanks your so right too i kinda gotten away from reading bible each day but i do pray a lot but it just like mostly i alone as far as human connection so that wears on me lot too a lot i am unable to go to church on Sunday due to morning my legs a lot of the time just not want to work here there no like night service so it been hard that way too soon the small group i go to on Thursday afternoon will end as far as meeting each week that going to be very hard on me too
i have in past did few online bible studies too but that not same the big issues i feel is i lack human touch like even hugs others not get how hard that be due to they have family in their lives who see them care about them i not have that at all sadly yes i know need to get back into reading bible and Journaling too
