When to block a member
I thought this would be a useful forum post as I’ve noticed of late there seems to have been a rise in members and guests being blocked/banned for reasons they do not understand.
On 7 Cups we have the following criteria for blocks and bans:
Block:
Triggering Chats
Stalking
Overly Dependant
Requesting/Sharing Personal info
Innappropriate/sex chat
Other
Ban:
Harassing/Threatening Behaviour
However, under most circumstances I would highly encourage you to not block a guest/member immediately if they do something that would warrant you blocking them. I’ve seen many members confused and upset because they have been blocked without warning and/or multiple times.
Triggering chats – If a chat is triggering for you, rather than immediately blocking the member, tell them that unfortunately you’re finding the chat triggering and you don’t feel you can continue the chat. You can talk about something else or you’d be happy to help them find another listener. In short: refer, not block. If they ignore you and persist in triggering you after a warning then you can try to end the chat, otherwise block them.
Stalking – In this case, I feel that blocking someone immediately is acceptable.
Overly Dependent – First I would suggest setting times for your chats and setting time limits on your chats. Make it clear that you are available at these times and only at these times. If the member/guest contacts you outside these times do not answer them – maintain boundaries. Ask the member/guest not to contact you outside the designated chat times, explain you can’t be there for them at all times, point them to other helpful resources. If these measures don’t work then a block may be appropriate.
Requesting/Sharing Personal Info - A member/guest may not be aware that sharing personal information is not acceptable. If they attempt to do so, remind them that 7 Cups does not allow sharing personal information and for that reason you will not share your personal information with them (or they should not share it with you.) To an extent sharing some personal information might be acceptable, depending on how comfortable you feel - for example you may choose to share your name or age with someone. However, sharing of social media handles is never acceptable. If someone insists on knowing personal details after a warning then you can try to end the chat politely, otherwise, block.
Inappropriate/Sex Chat – As with requesting/sharing personal information, a guest/member may not be aware that this is not appropriate behaviour for 7 cups. Firmly tell them you are not comfortable with the way they are talking. If they persist you can attempt to end the chat as above then block.
Harassing/Threatening Behaviour – This might include sexual harassment or a guest/member being deliberately mean and insulting towards you. In this case, please ban the member immediately; no listener deserves that kind of treatment. However, harassing/threatening behaviour is different to a guest being irritable – this might be a coping mechanism for how they’re feeling. In this case try to empathise with the guest/member and/or refer them if you feel you’re not able to chat with them.
Other cases:
Trolling – if you suspect a guest is trolling set a time limit on the chat. This way you can assist them if they’re being honest, but have a polite way to end the chat if they’re untruthful.
A Guest/Member is suicidal – if you ask the guest if they want to end their own life and they say yes, please refer them to the appropriate suicide resources and end the chat. If you’re comfortable you can tell them you can talk to them when they no longer feel suicidal. There are many other forum posts on why we refer suicidal members.
A Guest/member is talking about sex-related issues such as a porn addiction – attempt to empathise with the guest/member, but if you feel unable to take the chat or uncomfortable please refer them.
I appreciate these are not always hard and fast rules; there will be exceptions to the above cases. Your first priority should always be looking after yourself, so please make sure you keep that in mind at all times when taking a chat!
This is really nice said, and I can say I agree.
Over 90% of the chats I receive are about sex, which is quite annoying. I don't know what to do, I usually end up blocking or banning them because they become really inappropriate.
I also get lot of sexting request I deny them when they don't control their behaviour I don't have any other option left I block them
Hi! I noticed a lot of this thread was mentioning how they had issues with people mostly having inappropriate sexual chats with them (or trying to at least) then blocking them. It is different for everyone of course, so I don't want people to feel bad about having to block members that were inappropriate with them.
BUT
I do want to share my little experience that I have had, with every (not an exaggeration and I have had a lot) sexual request chats I have had from guests/members. This has happened to me in every chat that has started as a sexual request/chat, and I was truly amazed. Now I am rather used to and okay with talking about sexual issues ( not request or chats aka inappropriate talk). I have found a lot of people feel lost or unwanted and are trying to understand if they will feel this way in chat or not. This some have told me leads them to request sexual chats out of fear or lack of knowing what else to do. It takes a while sometimes- I average around 20 mins to turn the conversation towards what is really bothering them or why they want to be on 7 cups. A lot of deflection will go a long way in these chats. Thinks like:
"I don't feel comfortable sharing my sexual preferences(etc.). What do you think about (that situation)?"
"I hope you don't mind but I wouldn't feel comfortable chatting like that with you. I am happy to chat about other issues, but not this. I understand if you would like to chat with another listener"
These lines often help them realized you do not hear as a sexual distraction and in my experience help them open up to what is really going on. These are often sexual issues or relationship issues.
I guess I am saying is if you are a person who is not triggered or uncomfortable by these chats and feel able to try to get to the heart of the issue by deflection or other good methods, please do because it really is helpful to people who are dealing with issues that many can't feel comfortable with.
@JanahisHere I am not uncomfortable with sexual topics, but when I try to follow the advice you give here, they still try to steer the conversation in a way that asks me to describe my sexual experiences, so where is the line when you can say with as much certainty as possible that they are not going to give?
What is the difference between a block and a ban? I have been curious.
@MichaelsLament Hello there Michael! Nice question. The difference between block and ban is:
Block - you only block the connection you have with the member so that means you wouldn't be able to PM each other
Ban - is used if the member needs to be banned from the entire site
If you've noticed once you click that "x" button, there's a little description there and it says, "BLOCK a user to prevent further contact with you.
BAN a user for a major TOS violation for which they should no longer be allowed to use 7 Cups"
@Erato This is my regular account, not my Listener account.
@MichaelsLament Whoops, I apologise for not noticing the type of account you're using and the things I've stated above apply only for listener account :)
@Erato It's okay. Just realized my previous post came off a little rude - what I get for typing and posting before coffee. Thanks for the explanation however.
@Erato
Just a ban message gets them banned or do they look into it actually and ban them.
@blissfulFaith87 The admins investigate and look further into it before taking necessary and proper actions. You may read the process of these here. I'm also tagging @7cupsCommunity if there's anything they'd like to add to this response.
@blissfulFaith87
Erato's response is correct, with the exception that I am fairly certain we removed the ban option from chats some time ago. I will confirm and get back to you.
cc @Erato
@blissfulFaith87
I have confirmed that individuals can no longer submit a ban report directly, only a block. A user may still be banned from a block report depending on the severity and frequency of other block reports and reviews. This is automated by the system or manually done by the admins.
cc @Erato
@7CupsCommunity Thank you so much for getting back to us and clarifying things! It's nice to know that it does not exist anymore but the block reports history are still taken into account.
@7CupsCommunity
Okay.a member's account was banned.only one person had banned that account.now the member isn't able to use that account.what shall the member do.
@blissfulFaith87
I am unable to address concerns about account suspensions. Please tell them to email community@7cups.com for questions about accounts or reports.
fully agree! :)
Thank you for the clarity of this piece
