When to block a member
I thought this would be a useful forum post as I’ve noticed of late there seems to have been a rise in members and guests being blocked/banned for reasons they do not understand.
On 7 Cups we have the following criteria for blocks and bans:
Block:
Triggering Chats
Stalking
Overly Dependant
Requesting/Sharing Personal info
Innappropriate/sex chat
Other
Ban:
Harassing/Threatening Behaviour
However, under most circumstances I would highly encourage you to not block a guest/member immediately if they do something that would warrant you blocking them. I’ve seen many members confused and upset because they have been blocked without warning and/or multiple times.
Triggering chats – If a chat is triggering for you, rather than immediately blocking the member, tell them that unfortunately you’re finding the chat triggering and you don’t feel you can continue the chat. You can talk about something else or you’d be happy to help them find another listener. In short: refer, not block. If they ignore you and persist in triggering you after a warning then you can try to end the chat, otherwise block them.
Stalking – In this case, I feel that blocking someone immediately is acceptable.
Overly Dependent – First I would suggest setting times for your chats and setting time limits on your chats. Make it clear that you are available at these times and only at these times. If the member/guest contacts you outside these times do not answer them – maintain boundaries. Ask the member/guest not to contact you outside the designated chat times, explain you can’t be there for them at all times, point them to other helpful resources. If these measures don’t work then a block may be appropriate.
Requesting/Sharing Personal Info - A member/guest may not be aware that sharing personal information is not acceptable. If they attempt to do so, remind them that 7 Cups does not allow sharing personal information and for that reason you will not share your personal information with them (or they should not share it with you.) To an extent sharing some personal information might be acceptable, depending on how comfortable you feel - for example you may choose to share your name or age with someone. However, sharing of social media handles is never acceptable. If someone insists on knowing personal details after a warning then you can try to end the chat politely, otherwise, block.
Inappropriate/Sex Chat – As with requesting/sharing personal information, a guest/member may not be aware that this is not appropriate behaviour for 7 cups. Firmly tell them you are not comfortable with the way they are talking. If they persist you can attempt to end the chat as above then block.
Harassing/Threatening Behaviour – This might include sexual harassment or a guest/member being deliberately mean and insulting towards you. In this case, please ban the member immediately; no listener deserves that kind of treatment. However, harassing/threatening behaviour is different to a guest being irritable – this might be a coping mechanism for how they’re feeling. In this case try to empathise with the guest/member and/or refer them if you feel you’re not able to chat with them.
Other cases:
Trolling – if you suspect a guest is trolling set a time limit on the chat. This way you can assist them if they’re being honest, but have a polite way to end the chat if they’re untruthful.
A Guest/Member is suicidal – if you ask the guest if they want to end their own life and they say yes, please refer them to the appropriate suicide resources and end the chat. If you’re comfortable you can tell them you can talk to them when they no longer feel suicidal. There are many other forum posts on why we refer suicidal members.
A Guest/member is talking about sex-related issues such as a porn addiction – attempt to empathise with the guest/member, but if you feel unable to take the chat or uncomfortable please refer them.
I appreciate these are not always hard and fast rules; there will be exceptions to the above cases. Your first priority should always be looking after yourself, so please make sure you keep that in mind at all times when taking a chat!
Wonderfully said! Thanks for bring this up, I hope that this clears things up for others! :)
@EtaAlpha you're fabulous. Thank you for this.
Thanks for the great post! It is important for everyone to be aware what the rules are to minimize confusion. And of course if you are blocking someone they should be told why.
Great post! Suicidal members often feel very upset and distressed when they are referred. I.e "What? You don't want to talk to me? I opened up and you're just trying to get rid of me?"
In these cases, it can be helpful to emphasize that the reason we refer is because we want to help and we want them to get the help they need. Not that we want them gone, but they should have the best help they can get. Adding these few things can turn a feeling of being pushed away to being guided in a better direction.
Very effective and helpful post!
Thanks for posting this, @EtaAlpha
The suicidal thing, at least with me, has been resolved in many chats. We will be in the process of someone opening up and they say something to the fact of "ending it all" or "just killing myself" something that would indicate the act of suicide. At that point, I put a business like line in with "In accordance with 7cups guidlines on such statements, I have no choice but to refer you to a suicide hotline if you are actively considering ending your life. As a listener, I simply am not equipped to adequately address someone who is suicidal." I then follow with "so would you like to continue the chat after ensuring me you are not suicidal at this time?"
In every case I had where suicide has come up and I have put, more or less, the above in the chat, they say something to the effect that it's all hopeless, but it's nice that I understand, etc, and they ensure that they are not suicidal at that point. Now as the chat progresses, the member might explore the feelings of why they sometimes feel suicidal, and they want to discuss that issue without feeling judged. It's a fine line at that point, and one that only you, the listener, can draw. My personaly line is as long as they are not actively going to kill themselves during a chat, and they are engaged in the act of talking, it's all good. Kinda what we're here for.
Yes it is very hard when a member brings up suicide. As soon as we mention referring they do feel rejected, and confused and hurt, lots of new emotions are suddenly added to their feelings of ending their life and it is a very delicate situation. Each case is individual and is up to the listener to judge. But, personally I am finding that I don't think new members are prepared enough on this topic.
Ahh..sex. I deal with the adult side, the odd teen that accidently clicks on adult notwithstanding. Sex issues with adults are, in 99.999% of the cases, related to something nonsexual. Attempt to ask the open ended questions about nonsexual issues with the relationship. If the user isn't interested in that, use your own judgement.
Thanks for explaining that to us so well. I have only been a listener for one month and have yet to ban/block anyone.
Luckily this hasn't come up for me, but how do I ban someone if I need to?
@wonderfulMagic99
You can block or ban someone by clicking on the little button under the send button in the chat window which looks like a circle with a line through it. A pop up window will then appear which allows you to select a reason for blocking or banning said guest.
Pretty clear-cut and to the point post. I have heard several times that members/guests keep getting blocked, and they're sometimes afraid to speak with me, because they're sure I will block them as well. I never block a member/guest unless I feel there is a really good reason that warrants it. Most peoplecome to the site for help, and they can't get any if no one is willing to talk to them.