Intervention for People that are Trolling
There are people on the Internet that enjoy getting a rise of people. They are sometimes referred to as trolls. I prefer to call them people that are behaving like trolls rather than trolls b/c I believe they are much more than just their trolling behavior. In fact, broadly, I think people that tend to troll can be smart, creative, and broadly under challenged in life.
As many of you know, I have 4 kids. Sometimes they argue with one another. One might goad the other - kind of push their buttons - to purposely annoy them. I always tell my kids: Dont take the bait! Dont get hooked! Dont take the bait! Sometimes you here people say Dont feed the trolls and this means the same thing. You dont want to allow yourself to engage with someone who is just trying to get a rise out of you.
What are the signs that someone might be trolling?
In brief, they are messaging or posting with the goal of making you angry, upsetting you, or harassing you.
Here are other signs from How-to-Geek:
--Refusal to acknowledge evidence: Even when presented with hard, cold facts, they ignore this and pretend like they never saw it.
--Off-topic remarks: Completely going off-topic from the subject at hand. This is done to annoy and disrupt other posters.
--Dismissive, condescending tone: An early indicator of a troll was that they would ask an angry responder, Why you mad, bro? This is a method done to provoke someone even more, as a way of dismissing their argument altogether.
--Use of unrelated images or memes: They reply to others with memes, images, and gifs. This is especially true if done in response to a very long text post.
--Seeming obliviousness: They seem oblivious that most people are in disagreement with them. Also, trolls rarely get mad or provoked.
Trolling behavior, like most things, can exist on a spectrum - not really bad, mild, moderate or severe. My experience on 7 Cups has included all types of trolling. A sub-type of trolling can be sexual trolling where the person is trying to engage with you - sneakily - in a sexual manner. They might talk around the issue with the goal of trying to have a sexting type chat with you.
We are at the beginning of creating a toolbox to help empower listeners better manage people that are trolling. We have ideas all over the forums. This one for example. We will start consolidating things here in this thread. Look for more info soon. In the meantime, I wanted to share a risk with you all that Id like all listeners to use when they encounter a person that is trolling:
What to do when you suspect a person is trolling you. It can be enough to suspect it. When that happens, say:
I know that life has likely been challenging for you. I understand that you might have been treated unfairly. I think that is partly why you are behaving towards me like you are right now.
I believe that you are smart and creative and that trolling is likely not the best way to express your talents. You can keep behaving as a troll if you like; if things stay the same as they are now, then what do you think your life will look like in 3, 6, 9, or 12 months? My guess is that it will continue on the downward slope that it is on now.
Take a second and really sink into that idea and imagine your future based on the trajectory you are now on. If that is what you want, then I will honor that choice. If that is not what you want and you want to take steps towards a future path that is more meaningful and fulfilling, then Im willing to help support you on that new path. The choice is yours.
What do you want to do?
Answer 1: Continue on the trolling path.
Listener response: Okay, I wish you the best and hope things change for you in the future. Ill need to block and report you now.
(Block and report the user)
Answer 2: I want to take steps on the more meaningful path and strop trolling.
Listener response: Okay, good, to show me that you mean it, I need you to show me that you are actively motivated to change. I want you to take 5 steps on your growth path and let me know what each step entailed so I can know you are being up front with me. I cannot spend any additional time talking with you until I have evidence that you have taken those 5 initial steps.
Tips:
You need to insist that the person answers the question. Dont let them sidetrack you. Stay on topic. If they become belligerent, then just say, From your behavior, it seems like you are choosing to continue trolling. Im blocking you and reporting you now. Bye.
Please share other tips and ideas below. I continue to believe that people that troll have a lot of unrealized talent and creativity. We can collectively find ways to align with folks that want to help. At the same time, we will remain firm in our boundaries and strengthen our community and listeners.
@GlenM
I fully believe that sometimes people troll for just that reason... Trolling.
It can be extremely discouraging and hurtful for that listener to experience when the trolls do win, and it does affect us directly. I think that something that should be encouraged more is taking screenshots and sending them to the community email when a chat goes haywire. It's extremely demotivating to see that our listener account has been banned or taken off the site because of a review or report that was false or it was by someone that was intentionally trying to hurt us.
That also begs the question - when do listeners know that they've done something wrong?
I've gotten lots of messages from members that say they've had an experience with an abusive or trolling listener, and they're too scared to say anything about it. It's important to let them know and encourage them to report those listeners. Most of those kinds of listeners aren't here to help people.
Lots of listeners on the site say that they're here to help others, but there's always going to be a few that aren't here to help people. While it sucks, we do our absolute best to prevent those people from being on the site with the Safety Patrol Team(s). But as much as we'd like, we aren't always going to catch them all.
Listeners need to understand that if they've gotten a report or a feedback email, it's not always because someone was trolling or purposefully trying to hurt their listening career. When I first became a listener I took those as if it was a personal attack and not a way to improve my listening skills. Now that I've been on the site for quite a while, I find that when those emails are sent out, it's scary and confusing to the listener, and the first thing they think of is that a troll reported them. Then it's anger towards the site and other listeners and members on the site that hasn't done anything wrong.
While it's INCREDIBLY important to talk about trolls and how to deal with them, I also fully believe that spreading more awareness of what those emails are for and why they were given (as well as providing more chances to improve) is more important than saying or assuming 'it was just a troll' (which I've seen quite often, unfortunately).
Trusting listeners is really important. Though I understand that sometimes there just isn't enough proof coming from either side. Giving listeners second chances when things happen is also really important. Listening more in-depth to the listener's side of the story is such a necessity in order to prevent incorrect or unreliable reports and feedback.