Sexuality
basically when I was young before anyone told me about sexuality or anything I liked boys and girls. I thought girls were pretty and I wanted to kiss them and I felt the same about boys. My first ever crush was on a boy when I was 11 or 12! So as my teenage years came in I kissed a few girls and always felt a Sexual attraction towards them but never wanted to pursue it any further as men were more on my mind. So as I got older I developed serious crushes on Lads and has some short relationships until I found a boy I fell head over heels for at, 18 we spent 4 years together and 2 of them were amazing. We were the perfect couple and even my friends told me how envious they were of us. He was so in love with me he told me about how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and I really thought we would never split. As time went on I lost all interest in a Sexual way for him. Don't get me wrong I enjoyed sex and it was good but I just didn't have that feeling of ripping his clothes off like I did at the beginning. So this started a long year and a half of trying to break up and going back because we had such a good relationship other than this. In the end I admitted to him I was bi Sexual and that I felt like I needed to explore this more. He was so heartbroken and even to this day if we ever speak he said he will never feel love like he did for me again even though he has moved on with someone new. So now I am in a dilemma. Nearly 2 years later I decided to get back into dating and met this wonderful guy. He is very handsome and really nice and I have the butterflies for him! I am just so afraid of what happened in the past will happen again? I find myself obsessing over the attraction with guys I meet and looking for any evidence that might prove I'm not attracted to him. So I'm not sure what to do? He wants to see me again and so do I. But is it worth the risk of maybe hurting someone again? I feel so confused about my sexuality. I crave men and want to have a family and settle down and I do love sex. But then I find women so attractive too but only to the point of a Sexual attraction and never want to go any further. Should i continue seeing this guy? And see where it goes. Or is he better off without me in case I end up hurting him? I feel like we have a connection but I'm very scared to let anyone to close again!
@sociableCranberry1288
True love shouldn't care about sex. If you don't love anymore just because you don't enjoy sex anymore, or if they judge you just on your sexual wills and dreams, then it was not love to begin with.
If you want true love, you first need to stop thinking about sex entirely AND to find someone who's the same.
No one said love was common or easy to find...
@sociableCranberry1288
There's polyamory which allows people to have more than one partner with everyone in involved being aware and okay with the situation. This is good among people that don't find themselves having a lot of difficulty with jealous feelings. I can also lessen feelings of jealousy because in that situation sleeping or loving another person does not equate to stopping loving the first person.
There's also open relationships which are considered different from polyamory because people that aren't poly in nature (tending to love multiple people emotionally simultaniously) make a deal with their partner to not be sexually exclusive so that their temptations and acting on them don't come as a huge painful surprise.
I wouldn't stop dating men or stopping thinking about sex entirely. There's enough people in the world with differing comfort levels in different relationship styles to allow room for what you want. I know some people prefer to not consider these two as a possibility for various reasons (religion, strong monogamous background or tendancies, etc.) which is okay too. Being honest about who you are and your desires right from the start is the only way to minimize pain on all sides (you, your partner and anyone else additional to that).
Sexual attraction is a difficult thing, I understand the problem of it changing a lot, it happens to me too...although I've never been in much of a relationship let alone a sexual one, I had to admit to myself that I wasn't even attracted to that gender anymore whatsoever. But then it flipped. Then it flipped again. I don't even keep track anymore. And it definitely would make it hard when trying to keep a long term relationship...I'm not really sure what to say to be helpful because if I knew how to stabilize it I would have done so for myself a long time ago...maybe the solution is to find someone who is okay with an unpredictable attraction?
Although I could be totally reading into it wrong. Maybe it's just a simple case of losing the "honeymoon phase" of the relationship and therefore losing the attraction. Which happens to a lot of people apparently, regardless of orientation.