help?
I'm suicidal. I've been suicidal for months with very little relief. My thoughts get worse at night. I've tried to overdose in the past- unfortunately I wasn't successful. I have a therapist. She made me commit to a safety contract. She's a really great therapist, she told me if the thoughts return to contact her whether it's day or night but I have a fear of bothering people. I feel like all I am is a problem. My existence bothers people- part of the reason I want to die. I'm at conflict with myself. I want help but at the same time I hate being a burden.I always end up convincing myself I can handle it alone. I don't know what to do anymore. There has to be more to life than just being plagued by suicidal thoughts..right?
Hi.. I'm kinda new to this so yea, well basically I'm just gonna tell you guys my story and why I'm suicidal. I grew up with a half-brother with schizophrenia who would bully me and force soap into my mouth and stuff till I was 7 and along with him I have a austistic brother who is two years younger than me currently. When I was 8 my father got beaten up by my half-brother right infront of my eyes. 6 years ago my mother started drinking, she would only drink a little bit but every year it became more and more now every day she drinks 5-6 bottles of wine. After one glass she becomes extremely abusive, at first this didnt harm me until at school I got bullied for being antisocial and I grew up being very shy.. Over the past 3 years I've been suicidal because she beats me for nothing and my father doesn't care. My family is in debt because of her so I starve myself so they can manage.. I feel fat everytime I eat. I consider myself a slut for sending nudes to older men. I'm dating an 18 year-old and he lives in the USA. I got raped when I was 8 and my parents don't know. My mother calls me a pedophile loving whore when she doesn't know about my bf and I just feel like I cant continue and to add to my pitiful life I only just turned 13 and I feel like I can't continue anymore... Everyone thinks im this mistake and in my perspective I am. To me I'm just this slutty little ugly fat fuck thag deserves to be dead! I deserve to have a bullet lodged into my tiny fucking skull... FML
@Spritezyy
What you deserve is have a better life dear young soul!
You are very important and this can't be all you can get in your life. Unfortunately, here at 7 Cups we cannot give more than emotional support and listening. When you are in such a terrible situation like your own you need to try to contact some local people who might be able to help better. This is abuse on so many levels and there must be something you can do. Because you are only 13, you might be able to address yourself to a teacher. It's hard to address your issue, I know it must have been amazingly hard to say it even here... But all we can do is have faith in you and believe you will be able to get to a safer place! <3
@WalkingDisaster1996
Dear one, I've read about your abusive family as well. It's unacceptable and terrible this is happening to you. Do not think that because your own family doesn't appreciate you, because they have their own issues, you are not worth it! You are worth it! You are important! Do remember that. I know, it's hard... Your therapist seems like a person that really cares and you should contact her when you need her - you don't bother her!
Our 7 Cups door is always open for chat, so feel free to come here or in a 1-1 chat. However, we don't have resource for when you are suicidal. Have you tried contacting someone you trust, outside of your family? A friend, a teacher? Anyone who might be able to help you feel a bit better? It's terrible to stay locked in your room all day with no emotional comfort!
I'll send you a deep, warm virtual hug... I know it's not enough but it's all I can give.
