Howdy

@Tinywhisper11 awwww thank youuuu 😭 you are so sweet 💖 I´m so happy it made a difference for you 💖

@hostfulchaos Tiny is refering to my response to a post about self esteem and body image issues in the ED community, linking the post here if you are interested or want to hear more people´s thoughts: https://www.7cups.com/forum/eds/General_2454/EDAWeek2BodyimageandSelfrespect_324102/

in my response to the post, i covered a few techniques that helped me when dealing with self esteem and body image issues, copying my response down below, hope it helps you too 😊

- approach of gratitude that is focused on the body. It is done by asking what does my body do for me? And then searching for things like my hands let me do my embroidery or other hobbies. In next step, ask yourself what do you like about the way you look. Can be as tiny details as having a cute pinky on your left foot, or stuff like your hairstyle, anything goes.

Once you got the good and the body work stuff covered, time to level it up on reframing the things you dislike about yourself. Like for example, if you hate your belly, reframe it to it holds my devouring system and processes the food I eat so I can be healthy and have energy for things. If it is a feature, like some wrinkles, reframe it to yeah I felt a lot of feelings, and that's ok. I laughed a lot, I cried a lot, I was mad. That's how things should be. These wrinkles are a testimony of what a rich life I had and how many hardships I overcame. If it is a feature, it makes you unique. If it is hair turning gray, you were given a privilege to get to this age, that so many don't have. These reframings helped me so hard.

- About seeing someone having the ideal body or looking the way you wish you looked, it is important to be aware how much work goes into that. They probably have to exercise a lot, maybe have a special diet, maybe have an hour long skincare routine... You never know. It is important to remind yourself that they didn't just appeared on earth like this and there is a lot of work behind it. It is worthy of respect if someone is doing it, as it is usually very time and money consuming and requires a huge discipline, and that's ok. Everyone is free to make their own choices and if this makes them happy, great ❤️ rather then with envy, look at them with inspiration. Maybe they will inspire you to try a new skincare routine or try a new make up style. Maybe they will inspire you to do a cool new sport. And maybe you will look at the entire list of things that realistically go into looking like that and go nahh. I'm not doing that. That's ok too, we are in the same boat with that 😄

- that said, if you don't feel inspired by them, that's ok too. In that case unfollow accounts that make you feel horrible about yourself and cut back on your social media use, you will see, it will do wonders ❤️

- build a positive attitude to aging. This thing Is superior. Once you make peace with the fact that you are very lucky to achieve the age you did, and how it is ok for your body to change, you will be much more in peace with your looks

- focus on what's inside rather then outside. Sounds cliché, but trust me. People who love you will love you no matter how you look. Also, if you are not looking like the beauty standards demand, it will help you filter out quite a lot of shallow people, and in embracing your unique type of beauty and looks, attract much more genuine friends and partners. Your body is supposed to change, and you really don't want to be around people who will make nasty comments when you gain a little weight or have a few stretch marks. In fact, a good partner will love you with all those things and what you think about as a glitch will be considered a feature by them that they absolutely love. 

- lastly, remember that it gets better with age and this won't last forever. You can speed it up by reframing your mindset by using some of the exercises I mentioned above, or some other ones that work for you. These exercises need to be repeated for them to be effective, but remember. No two people are the same and what worked for one doesn't have to work for another, so don't get discouraged if something doesn't work for you, find your own path to self acceptance. You got this 😊

While these things were focused more on the looks side of things as it was for a post dealing with body image issues and self esteem related to them, i would also like to add a few things that help me with self esteem overall, in more mental row of things as i´m not sure which row of self esteem do you struggle with. So what helped me with non-physical stuff related self esteem issues:
- spend time alone, without your phone or tech. It will be very hard at first, but it will get better with time. You don´t have to start with hours, a 5 min time will be perfect for the start. In this tech less time, you have two options to choose from
1. do anything not tech requiring, like take a walk without listening to music, toss your pillow in the air, look out the window, read, etc. Anything. The key is to not use any tech for that time
2. get intentionally bored, and just exist. I recommend this especially for the lower times, would say the 15 mins and less. During this time, just lay on your back or sit down, and do nothing. Focus on your breathing or sensations in your body if you need to, but don´t break it. Just set a timer on your phone that will let you know when this time is over. This few minutes will either be a pleasant time for you, or you will need to fight your mind a bit not to get distracted, but once you managed, you will enter the shower thoughts mode or give your brain space to process things. It is basically simulating the time when you are distraction free in the shower, and surprise even yourself how cool thoughts you actually have. It will help you connect with yourself more, although i wouldn´t recommend to start with high time limits. For the start, 5 mins is perfectly fine.
- get a positive approach to failure. If you grew up in an environment where making mistakes was met with screaming and punishment, you learnt that making mistakes is not ok, when in reality, it is totally fine. Take a deep breath and start reframing your thoughts. Start with accidents that happen, like spilling a cup of water, or stumbling over something that affect noone but you, this should be the easiest. Instead of launching into internalised selfhate, observe the situation.
1. ask yourself What happened objectively? For the purpose of this example, let´s go with the spilled water from the cup. Tell yourself it was an accident, and something you didn´t intend to do.
2. Do damage control - what got affected by this? Is there any actual damage? If it is just spilled on a surface you can wipe and that´s it, do it. If you spilled it on a paper or something else, think about what to do with it now. Usually, you can dry it. If it was a super important paper, you can print it out again or write it again, or if it is an important document, you can always request a copy. So calm down and think about solutions, unless someone died, it is always solvable somehow, we just tend to catastrophise. Then proceed to follow through the steps
3. Think about what can you do to prevent this from happening next time. Maybe it is putting the papers away. Maybe it is drinking in the kitchen. And then take a mental note to not forget next time
4. remember making mistakes is normal, it probably happened to at least 5 people within your city today too. It also helped me to ask myself if this will matter 5 years from now. Most of the time, it won´t even matter a week down the line, what is a very calming realisation.
Then, once you are managing the small stuff that only affect you, move on to more difficult things, using the same strathegy. Also, remember that people value honestly and if you make a mistake at school or work, contact someone immediately. Let them know the full extent of what happened, and let them take care of it rather then hiding it and letting it spiral out of control. This may seem countraproductive to you, but it will actually add you huge respect and credibility down the line and help you be more confident.
- keep in mind that noone knows what they are doing, we are all just figuring stuff out as we go. There is never too late to start. Do what you want to do, work towards being the best version of yourself and remember, we all just faking it till we make it 😁 We all have our unique life story and path, and will shine in our own time, so don´t get discouraged when someone is super successful now. In reality, there is a lot of people who bloom later in life, when those who were successful young struggle. You never know the full extent of what others go through or will go through in life, so focus on yourself and look at others with inspiration, but don´t take their success as a devaluation of your own journey
- Define yourself some goals. It doesn´t have to be a specific goal, it is enough to have a direction. Also, no matter what people say that a successful goal should have a timeframe, it is ***. I personally like to define my goals to a tangible event rather then a time. Like for example, in my relationship, we agreed to get engaged only when we are ready to start the moving in together process and get married within a year from it, instead of having a timeline defined by specific time of let´s say engaged in three years. This takes down a huge burden off your shoulders, as you don´t feel under so much pressure, as you are free to progress at your own pace, just taking one step at a time towards your goal, doing as much as you are able to at the moment without stress and pressure. Slow and small progress is often more sustainable then a fast and big one.

- Celebrate and recognise all your achievements, no matter if big or small. Maybe you got a good feedback on a project. And maybe you got out of bed today despite really not feeling like it. That´s amazing too. Be proud of yourself and recognise all the effort it took.

- Learn to accept compliments. Instead of downplaying them, smile, and say thank you. May feel weird at first, but will get easier with time. You can even keep a compliment jar or a spread in your journal where you write the compliments you get and return to them when feeling down
- replace i´m sorry with thank you. Obviously, in apropriate times. Instead of i´m so so sorry i´m late, say something like Thank you for waiting for me etc. It will help shift the people´s perception of being annoyed to i did something nice, and your perception of yourself from failing to being worthy of taking up space.
- challange yourself and get out of your comfort zone, don´t expect immediate results. Learning is not lineal, and noone mastered a thing on day one. In fact most things take time and practice, and a lot of it. So don´t get discouraged when starting a new thing, instead, enjoy the process and tell yourself it is ok. You are learning and will figure this out 

Thank you for reading this novel i typed here about the things that helped me, hope it will help you too 😊