I have 0 self worth

(Trigger warning)

What is it like having 0 self worth?

||Well I can tell you from experience as I always hated every aspects about myself since as long as I could remember. From my voice, to my body, to my failures in life, my weight, my hair, my big nose, how I'm "slim" but I still have a belly which I hate, my acene that never seems like it will go away, I hate my love handles, I hate how I feel like I am the only girl who is unlucky enough to have hair on her stomach, I hate feeling like I missed out on opportunities, I hate how I feel like no matter how long I try to learn somthing I still fail at it (This is 100% true) I hate how everyone seems to have a passion on somthing in life while I don't, I hate math class (lol) and how even though I study I still fail my test, I hate how I feel like I am still on Level 1 like even though I am walking I'm not moving. I hate how I feel numb all the time. I hate how I can't spend time with my amazing little sister or parents because I am so exhused for work and schoolwork. I swear I freaking hate how tried I am ALL THE TIME even after I get a goodnight sleep. I hate how I ALWAYS space out and daydream about fictional events and not my own life. I hate how I always feel like I am always disappointing God, how I always try and stop bad habits however as soon as I am triggered I go back to them like a magnet. And what I hate most is that I have absoulute NO self respect for myself. I can try and fake it but It never works longterm. I send *** to older men not because of lust but simply because I want to hear the words "Your body looks beautiful" from them since I wake up everyday thinking like its not. It's like I am addicting to hearing thoughs words from men who take advanage of me. I know its illegal for them to be asking for theses pictures but I don't care, I don't care about anything really. I am not suicidal but if death struck me right now I wouldn't even care. I feel like just like a pinch of dirt