Lower self-esteem than I thought

Hello,

I just started CBT with my therapist and I'm just now realizing how low my self-esteem actually is. I knew I had lower self-esteem than most but not as low as it appears to be.

When someone compliments me, I usually crack a joke about that person needing to see an optometrist or get an eye exam.

I absolutely hate getting gifts. I've always preferred to give the gifts.

A coworker told me has never seen anybody get so upset at getting a gift.

I never want any kind of party for my birthday and I am no fan of surprise parties.

All signs of very low self-esteem.

I never realized the reason I do these things and am ashamed of myself for doing them.

I'll be 56 this year. I've missed out on so much.

Any tips on boosting self-esteem would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.