Not Good Enough

I grew up not being good enough. My brother was extremely smart and my sister was very outgoing. I heard more times than I can count how great my siblings were.

Fast forward to my dating life. I have been told that I’m not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not religious enough and I’m not smart enough.

Now, I’m in my 40’s and I am seeing a guy who is wonderful. The other day he made a comment to a friend of ours with me present that when he was a teenager he had a crush on a certain celebrity. 

My mental health went into a downward spiral…because of a crush he had on a celebrity 30+ years ago. When we first started dating and we told each other our do’s and don’ts of what we’re looking for. I told him that I can be insecure and the number one thing is, I do not want him to talk about his exes in any sexual way. He understood and in the year and a half that we have been dating he has not made a single mention and I love him for that. 

I have always been told that I am not good enough. I know that I’m smart and I’m not ugly. I also know that I am overweight. I need to lose weight, but how do I get over the trauma of my past and present because my parents still treat me lesser than my siblings.

I know that I need to lose weight and there are times where I get in gear and exercise, eating healthy and I’m losing weight and then a comment is made that makes me feel absolutely insecure and the exercising stops. The healthy food is gone and I gain the weight back. How do I get those voices out of my head of all the people who have treated me like crap and told me that I am worthless?