Self-Harm Recovery Daily Check-in: Saturday April 25th, 2020.
Hello everyone and happy Saturday! I hope everyone is having a great day so far and I wanted to talk a bit about music today.
Music can be really helpful for coping and also serves us as a good distracting from thoughts. A common alternative to self-harm I see a lot of members and friends use is to blast music in their ears when they are experiencing extreme urges. Recently, more and more artists sing of mental health issues now and this offers teens and adults lyrics that we can relate to. I hope all of you have had good playlists and tunes for these pandemic times and good music in general to cope with whatever you're going through!
Check-in questions:
1) How has everyone's week been on a scale of 1-10 and why? <3 Feel free to share anything good/not good that happened this week.
2) What's your favorite song and who's your favorite artist and why? :)
3) Post really meaningful song lyrics (just a section of the lyrics) and tell us what the lyrics mean to you! Have a great week everyone and stays safe <3
Taglist:
@12kirby12 @1Disawsum @23Lotus @24Help1 @Accentus @AdamantlyFree @addierus @admaiorasemper @akagmai97 @Akor1 @AlexanderSpamilton @allnaturalBerry @amandaa6360 @Ambitiousthinker7178 @anabellamia1189 @anasierra @AndyDove1018 @AndyKade1018 @Annabanana1014 @Antisocial5864 @Aphrodite11 @ArriaAna @arrowsgoforward @Aryspencer15 @Asher2343 @asheroo92 @AstronomySkies @AThingCalledPax @AugustaGeorgia @AuroraBorealis12 @Autismaunt14 @avagraco @awesumturtlesz @Ayeeitsnotme @babybatman @Babycakex @badoinkitydoop @BandBeed100201 @bandnerd1002 @BandNerd100201 @bear228 @beniba08 @Bethfarmer @BipolarGrrl @Birdie998 @BisexualVirgo2023 @black1995 @Blackk1tten @BlamingParadox @Blcrss28 @blissedNblessed @Bloom97 @Boi @breezy @bribri20 @Brokentopieces356 @Brxcken @bubblzdancr @bugggy @Bugggy @BunnieLuv @butterflyPessimist @CaringBrit @CaringWater @Carrot20 @CarverT007 @casscub @cassie03 @Catlover456 @caylaig6295 @Centremid @Charly @Charmingbeauty55 @Chels2002 @Chester77 @chillingwave01 @CinematicEnd @ClassicAnonymous17 @cocoafp191 @compassionaterainbow1479 @CoNfIdEnCe1 @conscientiousOwl7693 @ConsiderateSea95 @CoolCuke @Creativepig @Dachs @Daenerys03 @Daisy @Dany @DaysiaKelly @delicateWindow53 @demonicangel @diamonddepree @DiscreetBeach2458 @discreetowl14 @discreetSkies9236 @Discretegrapes8490 @dispost @Drummermattrocks @DyingPetals @dynamicHemlock1736 @earthangel222 @earthkid @easyMap6620 @Ediexo @ElephantTiger1 @ElizabethEon @elle1508 @Ellewoods24 @ellie455 @emily0303 @emmadancer @energeticApricot2459 @Eny0 @epitium @Erato @Evanora @EvilRegalsReadToo @exuberantRaspberries1213 @fairmindedRaspberries1389 @FallenStar2 @farahadell @FeathersOfJay @FindingPeaceWithin1 @FloweringBunny @fluffystuff @FranklyMaple @franky2OO0 @FrenchMarbles @fullm00n @funfettifrosting @Funfettifrostingi @funnyAcres8364 @funnybanana4728 @gayisok101 @generousKiwi8190 @gentleParadise1427 @Gin @GodOnlyKnows51 @Godsbae @goldenSummer1903 @GoneLikeAnAngel @Greg40 @grej @HannahO11 @happydays447 @HelpfulAid @heyitsalli @HeyItsMish @HiddenShadows @hockey8628 @Hope2come @humorousBeing8966 @HunHansGirl @IfKpopWasPunk @Imaginativa2930 @imsorryitry @imthewalrus @Independenttangerine @IndigoRoses @InkyOwl @InspiringLee @IntellectualCake @intellectualCake2509 @intellectualHuman6814 @IntelligentWheel627 @Ismokereed @Itinerarium @ItsReganingRain @ivoryPenguin3999 @Iwannaliveanddream @iwishuwell @Jamie14 @Jashboi226 @Jennaray536 @Jenny34 @JinglesJudy @JohnCephas @juddskittycat @justkeepswimming7301 @JustThatAlien @KaidinJ @Kassy7cups @KayaBearz @kgyt0918 @Kiwi16 @Krispykitty12 @laicrose @Lasagna1 @LauraB1996 @Leanna @leaveearly2716 @LetMeHeatItOut2 @Lexloveslife @Lilbabygirl @limegreen002 @LinearWaves @listenermegs @Littleblu @live2die1 @liztheloser123 @Logybear @LooneyArtimus @LostInTheWorldT @Love4all525 @LoveableLesbian @LovelyAnathema @Lovelydovee @LoveYaGod @LycheeBoba @Madaraismyspiritanimal @Maddheda @Mads @MandaGPanda @marala11 @mariaquiiroga @Marissa1031 @mayaaaaaaa @Maypanic11 @minitigriss @MinMIn922 @Miraculousiris31 @Misfitzombie012 @MissGoodby99 @MJLV98 @modestCat9806 @Moosewithducks @MysteryAnn @mytwistedsoul @naturalWillow84 @navyBlueberry2704 @NevaehRose @neverendingwaves @Nola1818 @noselfesteemloser101 @notanange @notmyselftoday @NotQuiteBlue @novareckenstein153 @otto123 @Outoftear @panwithnoplan @pastellexoxo @paytonfaye2003 @Peachkitten5883 @Penguin5921 @peoplej1997 @PessimisticHuman @PGP30 @pinkThinker6194 @plushOasis77 @politeHouse5612 @Popa @porter2927 @pumpkinpi @PunkyKitty @purpleButterfly24 @purplesnail @QueerChristianTeen @Quietcat2549 @quietman4875 @QuirkyAnne @RabbitTangerine @rainysierra27 @RALC20589 @raspberryMoon5394 @rationalComputer3503 @RAWR3 @ReallyNotOkay @rebecca947 @Redhawk6547 @Reesespeauntbuttercup @rexpeter99 @rlpsgf @Ropes24 @rosenova1513 @Roseutopia @rosewater10 @SadAFSeth @Sadgirlforever @SadUnicorn5270 @sailorelix @SaintClrStudent @samgroves02 @Sana6399 @Saskianite @selfconfidenceTangerine1778 @Sewmachine @sewmachine @sgraceroe @ShadowTag @shymelody @Sierra56 @Silentguitarist @sillyavocado @SimpleMe12 @SisterRaven @Skafa1214 @Skyla @Skyy0 @slytherinstarling123 @Snowangels48 @Softhearted975 @softlysolitude @soniatel @SpaceyCasey @stellaadaviss @stellaluna04 @Stitch8989 @strangebagel @StrangeClarity @strawberrmilk @suling1986 @Survivor108 @TeresaGreninja91 @TheAtticusFinch @Thegirlwithabrokensmile @TherealJake @TheWeeb @Tommy38 @Totallovatic @TransWolf @Truth22 @turquoisePine1459 @twentyonepilotsclique @Twitch98 @Twotonnetable @Veerlexm @vikingwolf802 @VividDreamer @Waveywoop @WhiteWolfIdiot @willowgreen22 @Winterisnotmyseason @WitchySalem @WonderfulHart1330 @Xirin @XwonderlandgirlX @Yolo @youandmesohappily @Yovela @Zammn @zebrasarcastic
1) How has everyone's week been on a scale of 1-10 and why? <3 Feel free to share anything good/not good that happened this week.
It's been a 3. Worried my father has an account and knows mine (because of the picture of my cat) and is liking my posts and keeping "tabs" on me. I've been binge eating as a form of self-punishment for binge eating. It's a cycle. I plan to stop today, that's my intention.
Rest of my answer is kinda long. Worried that once my father notices, he will try to watch as I cook again. It's a form of control that he thinks he has over my life. The weight is uncomfortable physically, hence why I want to lose it and why my father wants me to keep it on. My father is abusive so please don't mistake this as "he's just worried about you" - no. I won't be putting specific triggers for my binges here, but I know they are triggers that he has absolutely no role in. It all comes from my own mind and that probably drives him nuts so he tries triggering me by watching me, "making" me angry, buying a tray of dessert meant for 20 people. If he starts up again, I've resolved to simply let him think he's got power over me. He's abusive, I've come to expect this. I know all of his tactics - what he doesn't realize is that anger and anxiety actually kill my appetite. His drive to control me only makes me want this for myself even more. He doesn't realize he pushes me in the opposite direction he's trying to steer me in. My father thinks certain foods/moods trigger my binges - like a typical self-absorbed person, he thinks he knows more than I do about myself. The interesting thing about abusive people is they tend to be far more gullible and easy to manipulate (to protect myself) than the people they believe are gullible and manipulate to harm.
2) What's your favorite song and who's your favorite artist and why? :)
Hm. My favorite song changes. Currently it's Bad Habits by Silverstein because it's relatable right now
@Lexloveslife
Lex, I am so so sorry that you're being put in this situation right now with your dad. Of course, I believe you and I'm not going to say that "he just cares for you". From what I'm hearing, it sounds like you're in a really bad place and in that self-punishment cycle. Thank you for sharing your story today with how you're managing through all that you're surrounded by. You show incredible courage in how you're trying to put up with your abusive father and again I'm beyond sorry that he's making your calls on what your own triggers are and steering you in the opposite direction. But it seems like you know what direction you want to steer yourself into which is a healthier direction with trying to stop your self-punishment binge eating cycle and I fully believe in you being able to do so. I'll check out Silverstein and thank you again for sharing. <3 Take care and stay safe, you got this.
1) How has everyone's week been on a scale of 1-10 and why? <3 Feel free to share anything good/not good that happened this week. - 8 I've been really tired recently so that's not so great, but I was able to play six hours on Minecraft with a friend the other day.
2) What's your favorite song and who's your favorite artist and why? :) - I don't really have a favorite artist, but I do really like Sarcasm by Get Scared. Idk why, I just do.
3) Post really meaningful song lyrics (just a section of the lyrics) and tell us what the lyrics mean to you! Have a great week everyone and stays safe <3 - "You're feeling like you're trapped, but that's how you react when you cannot see the light, but try and see the light." I like this section of lyrics because it kind of shows how one would be feeling in a certain situation, but that if you find the "light" in a situation, it can eventually get better. The song is called Why Worry by Set It Off, and it deals with how much people worry and why you should and shouldn't worry about things.
@LogyBear
Six hours of minecraft?! Woah! That's really cool that you guys got to hang out and play Minecraft for so long and I hope you guys got some good loot or built something nice. I really like those lyrics and I think you're right that we can all work on finding the light in many situations right now. Thank you for sharing and I hope you get some rest soon! <3
@TheAtticusFinch
1) How has everyone's week been on a scale of 1-10 and why? <3 Feel free to share anything good/not good that happened this week.
I have been quite anxious this week, and have had a hard time controlling it, but now stuff is turning to the better. I have taken bikerides two days in a row now, and I already feel the effect of getting out of the house and doing cardio. I still don't like being outside my apartment, and I can't go for walks on my own, but it's gonna get better. I believe that now.
Aaaand I got lost, again, on my bikeride. But only a little, I found my way back fast. I chose to go the other way around the lake, but aparently one can't just bike around the lake. I walked a lot of the way, bc of stones, fallen threes and stuff. Guess that won't be my daily bikeride as I thought. Maybe I can go there for my walks, but my bikeride will have to be taken somewhere else.
I am at a 7 right now. Anxiety levels falling and all, and life feels better. Imma make meatballs today with my grandma over the phone. Oh! And still no urges to SH whatsoever, so that's good 
2) What's your favorite song and who's your favorite artist and why? :)
I really like Titanium by David Gueatta atm. And my favorite artist is Dolly Parton. She is just such an amazing person! Not only her songs, but her heart, laugh and all. I am following her on Facebook, watching every inspirering video that just makes my day better 
3) Post really meaningful song lyrics (just a section of the lyrics) and tell us what the lyrics mean to you! Have a great week everyone and stays safe <3
"You better get to livin', givin'
Don't forget to throw in a little forgivin'
And lovin' on the way
You better get to knowin', showin'
A little bit more concerned about where you're goin'
Just a word unto the wise
You better get to livin'"
Just makes me smile and helps me to remember that even though my anxiety is bad, and even though my depression is hammering at my door I have to live to be happy. I have to challenge my anxiety to get to live. I can't live in my apartment only, I have to try and get out there.
@EvilRegalsReadToo
Hey again Regals! <3 I hope your anxiety levels continue to go down and I'm so glad to hear that most things are working out for you! Your bike rides seem to be like a very relaxing coping mechanism and I'm glad that you're finding ways to get out of your apartment in ways you feel comfortable and safe in doing so. I hope the meatball making with your grandma goes well, I think that's a good way to stay in touch with our family especially the older ones :) and Regals I'm beyond glad to hear that shr is working well for you and no sh urges this week. The lyrics you shared were great and Dolly Parton is great as well, I truly hope you have a great week and take care of yourself.
@TheAtticusFinch Thank you. I feel a lot safer new places, when I'm on my bike. I can get away fast, if stuff goes wrong or something.
Never got to the meatballs though, bc I haven't taken out the meat from the freezer this morning. Guess it's something to do tomorrow then xD
@TheAtticusFinch
1) My week has been a 6 or so, probably. I've got negative feelings coming back and some that never really go away, but I'm dealing with them pretty well for the most part. I messed up one week ago and relapsed, which is part of why I joined this community. I've been feeling pretty whack about that but it was just a one time thing and I'm moving past it
2) I have so many favorites :0 I really like Dead-Bird by McCafferty and Underwater by Gardenhead
3) I know these lyrics are kinda stereotypically edgy, but I like them because I kinda relate. It's like I'm moving through life with no idea of what's going on, everything's kinda blurry, and I just want to be comfortable and normal again (this is from Underwater by Gardenhead, btw). I'll get there eventually. Lyrics:
Don't have the heart to tell it to all these friends of mine
I don't even really know their names
I give up, I give in
I'll shut up if it helps me to fit back in place again
Again, again, again
@knockoffWolf I'm so sorry to hear that you've relapsed recently.. that must have been so difficult for you and I can't imagine what stress and overwhelming emotions you were under a week ago. Although I am terribly sorry for what you went through, I am glad that you found cups and that you're dealing with the negative feelings. Those lyrics are deep and the meanings behind them are even deeper. Thank you for sharing and I hope things get easier for you. <3
1) How has everyone's week been on a scale of 1-10 and why? <3 Feel free to share anything good/not good that happened this week. Week has been a 2 maybe? Not great, but oh well.
2) What's your favorite song and who's your favorite artist and why? :) Hmm... no favorite song, but favorite artist is probably twenty one pilots. They only beat my other artists/bands by like two points though, I love them all practically equally :) I do have a favorite album by them and it is their debut album "Twenty One Pilots".
3) Post really meaningful song lyrics (just a section of the lyrics) and tell us what the lyrics mean to you! Have a great week everyone and stays safe <3
I will tell you I love you
But the muffs on your ears will cater your fears
To me, this is about how people will tell others nice things, that are genuine. But the persons insecurities and demons will block out all the niceness, to only hear the bad things they don't want to hear. Not super meaningful or deep, but I've been thinking about it a lot lately!
@avagraco Hey ava, I'm genuinely sorry to hear that you're having a bad week and not feeling that great. I hope this upcoming week and also this weekend brings you some peace and time to figure things out and hopefully find some ways to feel better. You deserve to feel better than a 2 and I hope you get there soon. I have a friend who used to love twenty-one pilots and I'm glad you appreciate them as well. I might check them out again! And omg yes those lyrics are so good and so meaningful, I've actually talked about a similar concept before with my friend and mental health club. I'm glad that I've gotten over that insecurity and I just tell people whatever I feel about them (the good things I feel). :) I'm wishing you well and I truly hope you have a better week :)
@TheAtticusFinch
1) How has everyone's week been on a scale of 1-10 and why? <3 Feel free to share anything good/not good that happened this week.
A 6. Overall pretty good. On Tuesday, I meant to go to the store to buy some hobby supplies. But arriving at the store, I could hear one of the store's employees and it triggered a really strong flight reaction in my body. So that's what I did, I got back on my bike and drove home, empty handed. Without going into too much detail, pretty disappointing.
On Wednesday though, I had a good call with a new counsellor, more specialized to help me find volunteering work. She seemed understanding and nice.
Today, Saturday, I had a talk with my regular counsellor and my aunt, on how everything is going at home. We're both doing pretty well. But for quite a while, we've suspected our neighbours of abusing their children. Naturally, that's pretty upsetting, especially since I grew up being abused. So we talked about that and were going to try to get some of the authorities involved.
2) What's your favorite song and who's your favorite artist and why? :)
fave song: Hikaru nara by Goose House. Cause it can always cheer me up a bit when I'm feeling down.
fave artist: LiSA. Cause I think she's really badass and a great singer.
3) Post really meaningful song lyrics (just a section of the lyrics) and tell us what the lyrics mean to you! Have a great week everyone and stays safe <3
From Endroll by Hatsune Miku: "My life ... a shitty script ... But it's too early to finish shooting."
It's a song about being really unhappy with your life, using a movie as a metaphor for life. As you're in the process of living, going through bad times, it might seem to not be worth anything. But no one knows what's waiting for you in upcoming scenes, so never give up.
PS: it's a pretty sad depressing song, so trigger warning
@Madaraismyspiritanimal Hi there! I'm sorry to hear that you got triggered at the store due to that employee and went home without any supplies. :( I hope you do get those supplies soon or find a way to have them delivered to you. Hobby supplies seem fun though, I wonder what you're making. :o I hope you work well with both of your counselors and volunteer opportunities for you sounds amazing. I'm so proud of you and your aunt for sticking up for your neighbor's child and being responsible citizens. You both are good people and I hope you get to connect to your aunt if things don't go well next week as emotional support. Thank you for following our community rules and putting a trigger on the song and those lyrics seem really deep and insightful. I'll check out the song and artist you listed! Have a wonderful week and I hope things get better <3