A Poem (Triggering maybe)

@IAmMeDealWithIt

If I could, I would give you a big hug through the screen.

Things that really jump out at me in what you've written:

1) Safe place - this idea of a place where it's okay for you to just be yourself, even if that means feeling decrepit, sad, unhappy, or upset. Just having a personal, private place where you can exist freely without needing to cover things up or pretend to be something that you are not sounds wonderful.

When I was in my old apartment a couple years ago, I created a bit of a retreat space in my closet. I would bring a blanket and some pillows in there and just camp out and co-mingle with all of the soft things in the peaceful, unobtrusive darkness until my senses felt like they had been soothed. And it felt nice to be able to be completely invisible within that space.

2) Privilege - this is something I've heard before too, even when it isn't directed at me. Just this idea of, "You shouldn't be so upset. Your life is actually really good compared to other people. Be grateful for what you have." And while I intellectually understand where people are coming from when they're saying this, sometimes I experience it as a kind of aggressive negation of my feelings. Like, "You have no right to feel the way that you do, because nothing has happened in your life that really justifies or warrants it. You should be feeling good. What's wrong with you that you aren't feeling good? Why are you so reactive? You haven't earned the right to feel so bad when nothing has really happened to you."

(I feel a bit anxious writing that... I'm picturing myself back in my dark closet burying my face into lots of soft things. )

My response to this is that everyone is different, and everyone's feelings matter. Things that are easy for one person might be difficult for another, and vice versa. Your happiness matters and your suffering matters. Also, if the value of feelings is only measured by how much adversity someone has experienced, then it becomes completely nonsensical at a certain point... because it entails that nobody on the whole planet except someone who has undergone the most extreme/unfathomable torture has any right to experience feelings or talk about feelings. It's ludicrous. Everybody is trying to exist, everybody wants understanding/empathy/compassion, and everybody has it hard in certain ways. Your feelings are what they are, they're honest, they're yours, and they have something they want to say and have heard even if it's inconvenient.