ive already posted here but i needed some help from people that struggle with self harm

@imsorryitry

Do you have a strong opinion about your scars? Like a positive or negative one?

I'm sure if it will help but I always saw self harm scars as some sort of battle scars. It shows how much you went through but also means you're still here and fighting strong. SHows how much of a warrior you are.

Also if you truly feel a bit unconfortable about showing your scars much I recommend you to buy Nivea (the dark blue container cream). Is a well knowed cream to hydrate and help alot with scars. My mum applies them in her scars and I've seen them get better.

Hope I helped a little. Best of luck

@imsorryitry

Hey,

I read your post and I could really relate to what you were saying. I've been self-harming for over 6 years now and it has left me with quite noticeable scars on my arms and thighs. When I go into public with short sleeves or shorts on, I notice that a lot of people stare at me, hence why I only really do this when I'm with supportive people (eg. my boyfriend), a group of friends or on the really hot day. (I want to get more confident with it though).

Several years back I started watching some YouTubers that are mental Health activists. They gave me some really good tips on how to deal with self-harm in general although sometimes if you feel like self-harming, it can be very triggering (they usually have trigger warnings though), So just be very selective on what videos you watch as I dont want you to be triggered.

A list of YouTubers that have helped me:

LikeKristen: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqbNeeBXyD21OzwRySul5gw

Idranktheseawater: https://www.youtube.com/user/idranktheseawater

HannahVancouverr: https://www.youtube.com/user/HannahVancouverr

Kati Morton: https://www.youtube.com/user/KatiMorton

Laura Lejeune: (Ive included her even though her videos have been taken down because it says on her page that shell be back soon and shes also my favorite) : https://www.youtube.com/user/Downtownpatrol/featured

Depression to Expression: https://www.youtube.com/user/ScottThought/featured

Some key things that I try and follow from my personal experience are:

- Dont look ashamed, act confident even when youre not (fake it till you make it kinda thing) and try and keep your head up. The reason for this is to do with body language, whenever Ive had rude comments, its always been when people think Im ashamed of my scars and that Im weak. By keeping your head up when people stare it gives off a pretty powerful message (even if they dont realize it)

- Look the person staring at you directly in the eyes and smile at them (Killing them with kindness) it shows that you are strong and okay with your scars. It also helps, from what I believe, to stop stigma and show that people who self-harm are not necessarily violent or scary people and most of the time quite the opposite. It also directs their eyes from your scars and often can even make them feel a little uncomfortable and stop them from looking at you all together.

- Remember, if someones going to stare at your scars, it tends to be because they are shocked or dont understand, and the truth is, self-harm is a very shocking thing to people who have never experienced it (weve just become desensitized by it). So, its a normal reaction to stare. Lets be honest, before I self-harmed, I probably would have stared at people who had scars on their arms too, and does that mean its a reflection of negative thoughts? No, not necessarily. I remember seeing someone with scars that were most likely self-inflicted, for the first time. My thoughts werent judgmental, angry or even mean, they were mainly just sadness and curiosity. I remember asking, Why… Why would someone do that? I just couldnt understand.

- Most people wont say anything at all, but lets say you do get a rude comment or gesture, I recommend having a witty statement to say back to them already prepared, not something rude though. I usually go with something like Thats not a reflection on me, only a reflection of your insecurities, Ive only had one person have a come back to that which was Well, it might be, but I guess Im not the one with the scars Which I said Im not ashamed of my scars, everyone has scars, mine just happen to be able to be seen on my skin. He scoffed and walked away after that.

- Let people think what they want to think, I struggle with this advice a lot myself, but its honestly something that I think is really important when it comes to pretty much anything in your life. Youre never going to be able to change someone, they have to want to make the change, so by worrying about what they think only affects you. Keep in mind that youll probably never see the random people staring at you at shopping centers or at restaurants ever again, so why does it matter if they are starring at you?

- Yes, it might be uncomfortable, and quite rude that people are staring at your scars but they usually are doing this because they are naive to self-harm which in a way, is actually a good thing…You are probably wondering why I say that, right? The reason I say this is because its one more person that doesnt understand your pain. They dont understand what its like to come home from work, school, whatever and want to hurt yourself. They dont understand how much effort it takes to hide your self-harm and the things that you avoid doing to hide it. They dont understand what its like to crave hurting yourself or how hard it is to stop self-harming. Although I want people to be able to understand me, I also experience a sense of sadness when people do and I almost feel guilty when people also go through self-harm. I like to focus on the positives and remind myself that naivety is bliss and change my thoughts of people staring at me from negatives and redirect them to positives (E.g., Instead of I wish they would stop staring at my scars, they make me feel so uncomfortable. I now say, Im glad that they are staring at my scars because this means that they dont understand it). I find that it helps with my guilt towards self-harm and helps me to become a more understanding person. (I hope this makes sense, Im not really sure how to explain it)

I probably have a few more things that might help, but I cant think of them right now lol, but if you ever want to talk to a fellow member like myself, just hmu. I Hope I can provide some support <3 keep being strong and know that youre not alone. (I'm thinking of adding more to this and posting something on my feed later on this week btw). :)

@imsorryitry

It's really hard to deal with this, and very brave of you for posting on here. As you've read above, heaps of people can relate to you, myself included! The only thing I'll add is that scars shows that you've defeated life's obstacles. Though you may not see them as this at first, and the people staring or commenting may get to you, just know that they don't know you, or your story. You are stronger. You have grown. Be confident, and show the world just how brave you are.

People may stare because they're shocked and don't understand it. I like to think to myself "I am so grateful that they don't understand, because if they did, they wouldn't be saying what they said to me/staring at me in shock." It takes some time to get used to saying this, but I found that it helps for me sometimes. It might not help everyone though.

Good luck in your recovery! I'll be thinking of you. xx And if you need a place to vent, people here will always be willing to support you- just ask for it. :)