2 months clean!

(A long paragraph sorry ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ)

To be honest prior to this, my longest streak was a 1 whole year year clean, and then I relapsed (on purpose? I'm not sure how to explain that). But because things haven't been easy, I tried to take a step back only because it was familiar although bad for me. But somehow I haven't had any extra strong triggers since relapsing, actually an absence of it. It makes you realise one step back doesn't erare all the progress you've made. Fighting triggers has always been painful though, so I don't doubt that my streak will reset again eventually. But if I was clean for that long once, I can surely do it again! But sometimes it's really hard, because I feel like I have no one to share this progress with.. It hurts to suffer in silence, when you have this little petty feeling that you're not sure for who you're holding on for, especially when it's difficult to put yourself first. But it's worth it.. I think. I just wanna be better, so it's logical that I avoid this behaviour, yet sometimes I wanna get back to it? It's a weird cycle. But I'm happy for now, I just wish somebody would be proud of me