After so long the urge returned
I have been clean for 2-3 years. 3 years now, and honestly starting my 4th year soon. After so long of never ever feeling or hearing the need in the back of my mind, I felt it again after going through a horrible experience again (economical this time).
I felt incredibly hurt to feel it again. In fact I felt nauseous even. I felt I had moved on, but then it came knocking again and it got so strong i didn’t trust myself to even leave my bed. But thankfully this time, I had more will to fight it: I didn’t give in, but the urges returned. It saddened me, I felt humiliated to the point I isolated myself out of sheer shame. Not wanting to put my loved ones through having me going through this again: if I couldn’t resist it for myself, then I did it for my loved ones.
I am getting better now, but finding a community I can be heard fills me with relief. I also started therapy once more, but a community and people to talk to about it when my therapist can’t makes me feel better
@LuCalli
I am so sorry and hope your situation gets better 💙
@honeylemonbobatea
Thank you, its getting better little by little 💗
i can relate massively. never be ashamed of your past coping skills, but be proud that you have moved on. The urges can be immense and horrible but remind yourself of how far you have come! if you have recently experienced something sad, distressing or life is just rubbish it is normal for your mind to instantly go back to coping skills even if they are unhealthy.
if you can get through 30 seconds you can get through a minute and if you can do that you can get through 5 minutes. Distract yourself, watch tv, run to the kitchen and get a glass of water. Do whatever you can to not sit and be in those dark thoughts. it’s a scary place but you’ve done it for this long you can get through this!!!