How should I tell my parents?
I'm an adult living with my parents. I've been cutting myself pretty badly for the past several months and it has reached such a level of severity that I needed to go to a walk-in clinic yesterday to get the cuts looked at and my therapist is pushing me into a higher level of care. I haven't told my parents I have been cutting again and I haven't told them about me being pushed into a higher level of care: they think I'm doing relatively well and that my therapist is just having me join some DBT groups as extra support, rather than as a result of a mental health crisis.
They've been with me through my half-year of hospitalization for anorexia, my psych ward stay for suicidality, and they've seen me relapse in self-harm throughout the years as well. The problem is they've also got their hands full with my siblings: 1 shut-in brother with severe depression and 2 other brothers with addictions to drugs and alcohol. My parents try to help, but they aren't therapists and they just don't understand mental illnesses or how to properly address emotional problems. Because of that, I only tell them more mundane problems with work rather than about my depression or self harm.
The last time they found out about the self harm was because I left some blood in my bathtub and my dad saw. My mom got drunk and refused to talk to me and my dad signed me up for physical therapy and then pretended that nothing had happened. That's how they deal with things. I hate it.
They will eventually find out. I can't wear long pants and sleeves forever. It's probably best to tell them rather than to continue to lie and then have them find out via a bill from the walk-in clinic, or in family therapy, or if I accidently reveal either of my arms.
I wish I was on here helping people with their problems rather than blabbing like an idiot about my own, but here we are. I'm just a stranger and you don't know me so there's nothing you can really do, but I guess it's good to tell this to the void rather than no one at all.
I need to tell them rather than have them find out. It's just I'm already under stress at the moment and so are they, so there never seems to be a good time.
I understand that because of your past experience, it might honestly be terrifying to tell your parents about your self harm. It’s been a month since this was first posted, and I don’t know if you have told them yet. If you have and you want to vent, I’m here.
But anyway, if telling your parents will only cause things in your life to get more overwhelming, and if you believe your parents are not an appropriate safety net, maybe it’s best you don’t tell them. If they find out on their own, it will happen naturally, but what matters is that you take care of yourself and do whatever you can to get things from getting worse. It’s amazing that you have a therapist and various support systems you can rely on. If you believe it is necessary, I think it would be really helpful to join a higher level of care.
You deserve to get better.
Now, if it is really important for you to tell your parents or if you believe that they could be a reliable safety net, I think the best approach is to talk to them directly about what you’re feeling and what the next steps are ( for example, entering a higher level of care ). In this case you would have to emotionally prepare yourself for their reaction so that it doesn’t overwhelm you or add too much weight to your current problems.
Remember that you are not a burden, and again, you deserve to get better. I wish you the best of luck with this and everything else that might be going on in your life.
I would love to hear how things are currently going for you!
Take care
