a bit confused (Trigger Warning)

@raspberry2809

🙏🏻

It’s understandable to feel confused about this 🫂

It sounds like you’ve been through a difficult phase, and it’s really meaningful that you’ve gone a month without self-harm. At the same time, having the urges still there can feel confusing and unsettling. Anyone in your situation would feel unsure about what’s going on.

You’re not alone in feeling this. Sometimes, self-harm can become connected to relief, control, or familiarity as a way for the mind to cope with stress or emotional pain. That can be why the urges—and even the liking—still linger. It doesn’t mean something is wrong with you; it reflects how your mind has been trying to cope.

One small step that may help is to notice the urge without acting on it and gently shift to a safer alternative—like holding ice, drawing, or doing something engaging when the feeling rises. This can help your mind slowly build new ways to cope.

The fact that you’re spending more time with friends and doing things you enjoy shows real progress. You don’t have to rush or force the urges to disappear—they can fade with time.

You’re not alone in feeling this, and you deserve support as you keep moving forward 💕

@raspberry2809

Nothing wrong with it. I am going to copy and paste a list of methods or things you can do for when you want scars and such.

Wanting to see blood, scars, or pick scabs:

• Use this website to simulate a cut (trigger warning).
• Draw on yourself with a red felt-tip pen.
• Take a small bottle of liquid red food coloring and warm it slightly by dropping it into a cup of hot water for a few minutes. Uncap the bottle and press its tip against the place you want to cut. Draw the bottle in a cutting motion while squeezing it slightly to let the food color trickle out.
• Draw on the areas you want to cut using ice that you’ve made by dropping six or seven drops of red food color into each of the ice-cube tray wells.
• Paint yourself with red tempera paint.
• Get a henna tattoo kit. You put the henna on as a paste and leave it overnight; the next day you can pick it off as you would a scab and it leaves an orange-red mark behind.
• Cover yourself with plasters where you want to cut.
• Make “wounds” with makeup, like lipstick.
• "Cut’ your skin with nail polish (it feels cold, but it’s hard to get off)
• Use red food coloring on your skin.
• Arm wrestle with a member of your family.
• Take a cold bath.
• Bite into a hot pepper or chew a piece of ginger root.

I always thought it was easier for me to handle on physical pain than emotional mental pain.

Here's a better explanation from Google. You're basically trying to change your brain chemistry to something else.

The Role of Dopamine and Brain Chemistry

When the body is physically injured through acts like cutting, burning, or scratching, the brain reacts to manage the pain and stress.

Dopamine Release: Self-harm triggers a release of endorphins (natural pain-relieving chemicals) and dopamine. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter associated with reward, motivation, and learning.

The Reward Cycle: Because the brain perceives a "reward" (a sudden rush of calmness or relief) after the injury, it remembers the self-harm as a positive experience despite the physical damage. This creates a reinforcing cycle where the brain craves this dopamine hit again to manage future emotional pain.

There's a whole psychological concept behind it. Sometimes I could deal with hurting myself and understanding that versus other people hurting me and not knowing why. Please know your skin is absolutely beautiful and all the pain that you feel in the world don't be the one that hurts yourself the most as hard as that is to figure out. Believe me I'm still struggling down my own path. But I'm here to tell you you aren't alone.

I always thought it was easier for me to handle on physical pain than emotional mental pain.

Here's a better explanation from Google. You're basically trying to change your brain chemistry to something else.

The Role of Dopamine and Brain Chemistry

When the body is physically injured through acts like cutting, burning, or scratching, the brain reacts to manage the pain and stress.

Dopamine Release: Self-harm triggers a release of endorphins (natural pain-relieving chemicals) and dopamine. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter associated with reward, motivation, and learning.

The Reward Cycle: Because the brain perceives a "reward" (a sudden rush of calmness or relief) after the injury, it remembers the self-harm as a positive experience despite the physical damage. This creates a reinforcing cycle where the brain craves this dopamine hit again to manage future emotional pain.

There's a whole psychological concept behind it. Sometimes I could deal with hurting myself and understanding that versus other people hurting me and not knowing why. Please know your skin is absolutely beautiful and all the pain that you feel in the world don't be the one that hurts yourself the most as hard as that is to figure out. Believe me I'm still struggling down my own path. But I'm here to tell you you aren't alone.