Barriers To Seeking Help
Hello, everyone! (I need a new introductory phrase…) As you can see from the title, I wanted to talk about the barriers many people face when they want to or are trying to reach out for help. Help can be from friends, family, relatives, pastors, teachers or otherwise. I want to talk about the barriers to seeking help to help increase awareness of the common behaviours and to help others know that they
@rebecca947
What are some barriers for you? How can we reduce them?
Fear of bullying/judgment has been a huge reason I haven't been publicly open about my mental health struggles in the past. Accurate education about self-harm and other mental illnesses could be so fantastic for this.
If you could add anything to this post, what would you like to add?
I don't have anything to add but I really want to bold and underline everything in the stigma paragraph because it is so on point!
How would you encourage someone struggling to seek help?
I would encourage someone struggling to seek help to remember that more people will be kind than you think, they just worry because they care 
@24Help1
*hugs* I hope you didn't go through it, being bullied and judged. If you did, I'm really sorry. I totally agree that with proper education, the stigma can be dissolved.
Mentally underline the paragraph ;) and I love those words of encouragement- I hope you can provide the same to your own self! ❤️
Thank you for taking the time to read it and respond. I appreciate you and everything you do on the team! xx
@rebecca947
What are some barriers for you? How can we reduce them?
A major barrier for me is fear of judgement. I get too worried that if I open up to someone they are going to judge me or hate me or get mad at me and that scares me so much that I just continue to stay quiet. I honestly don't know how I could reduce these barriers
If you could add anything to this post, what would you like to add?
I wouldn't change anything it was a really amazing post!
How would you encourage someone struggling to seek help?
I would encourage someone struggling to seek help that it's okay to reach out and it makes us stronger. Even if it seems really scary and uncomfortable there are people out there who genuinely care about you and want to listen and help you.
@Sydney113
Hey, Syd! ❤️ I can definitely understand and relate to that- if you read other peoples posts below or in these forums, youll find so many are scared of being judged as well. The thing is though, we cant control how others react unfortunately. What we can try to control is our reaction to it. I find that a fear of judgement can stem from within us. If someone judges us, maybe well feel sad, hurt, judging ourselves. I find a fear of judgment stems from us not accepting that we need help. We need to work on self-acceptance first if we dont want to feel judged by others for anything. ❤️ and what I like to say to myself is- if they dont like me anymore, they were never a true friend I could rely on during my bad times. They were only here for the good times. If they get mad, it might be that they dont know how to handle dealing with self-harm. Its hard to witness and experience- Ive definitely experienced my family being so angry at me- but over time with education and then knowing what to do, it can definitely help to lower the anger. But if were already fragile and get yelled at, I know how it feels to be broken again. It takes time. ❤️
*hugs* I hope you can remind yourself of what you said to others, as well. If you need reminding, Ill always be here to do so ;) take care mate xx
@rebecca947 Hey How are you?
I guess a big barrier is judgment - people think self-harm and s**cide are closely related. Some people say it's sick to do things like that to yourself. Alot of times - I'm just afraid to say anything about anything lol. My own anxiety keeps me quiet and then I worry about being a disappointment to people - especially if I'm doing well and then I'm not.
Think it was a great post - nothing to add :)
Just to take a chance - reach out - say something - there's allways someone who will understand - at least here
@mytwistedsoul
Heya, Soul! Nice to see you in this post! As I said in the reply above, fear of judgment I find tends to involve ourselves, too. We fear judgement because sometimes, we fear that theyll look at us the same way we look at ourselves, too. And that reflection can be scary, and it can lead to many different thought spirals. Thats what Ive found from my own experience, anyhow. Its hard to accept ourselves and what weve done to ourselves, but I think thats a really important step to achieve before or when we reach out for help.
People will be disappointed, but thats because they wanted you to get better! If people didnt feel at least a tiny bit sad that youve relapsed, Im not too sure if theyre invested in your recovery. It could be a good way to think about it when you fear that disappointment :)
Thank you and again, remind yourself of what you want to tell others. Reach out- there will always be people there wanting to support you. This whole community is backing you up! ❤️
@rebecca947
Hi, I hope you're doing good :) Thank you so much for this post, it really hits home. As someone who is struggling to seek help, this sums up most of my current thoughts pretty well.
What are some barriers for you? How can we reduce them?
My main barrier is the judgement and stigma around the whole issue. Even if I try to explain it, it's hard to find the right words.
If you could add anything to this post, what would you like to add?
Along with feeling guilty, I would add the fear of being a burden to others. I don't reach out to family members because they already have so much on their plate ...
How would you encourage someone struggling to seek help?
As much as there are people who will misunderstand you, there are still some kind hearts out there. Good luck !
@Slizzy564
Hey, Slizzy! Thank you for your kind words. I could be better, but Im not too bad. Hope youre doing well too ❤️
I can understand that fear and the inability to explain exactly whats on our mind. With self-harm, theres unfortunately not a whole lot of education or myth busting happening. Hopefully were doing our part here. :) Over time, I hope youll find a way youre comfortable in explaining your self-harm experience. It takes time, and a lot of rewriting. Were all here to help and support you!
Thats a very good point to add! What I like to say is- youre not a burden to anyone who wants to help. We all have our issues, but that doesnt mean you cant share yours. Everyone on this platform is human, so we all have things going on. But we want to be here, we CHOOSE to be here and we CHOOSE to help whenever we can!
I agree with what you said at the end. Remind yourself of that often, too. Take care xx
@rebecca947
I'm doing good thanks ! I hope things get better for you :)
Yeah I know things don't change suddenly. Small steps my friend, small steps :) I can all tell our stories differently I guess. We'll see how mine goes !
It's nice to hear that. Even though I know that some people want to help, I just keep telling myself that they've got more important stuff to do but yeah you're right, if somebody chooses to help then I guess it's okay :)
Wishing you all the best <3
This is sort of unrelated but I wanted to share this story. I have been working on not self harming with my youth group leader at church for a while. We had a youth group meeting Saturday. We were sharing needs for prayer when I felt the Lord leading me to share about my self harming. I did and the youth group leader asked everyone that had struggled with self harm to raise thier hand. And every single hand raised. Every one. Now it wasn't a large group but that didn't matter. What matters is that no matter how alone we feel we aren't the only one. I never would have suspected half of these people to self harm but they all had and were all there for me. We prayed together and my support group almost doubled. You never know, don't be afraid to share.
If you actually read all that thank you.
@Nerdygirl16
Hey, Girl! Of course I read through it all. Thank you for sharing your story. It is very inspiring and definitely relates to this post! You experienced a barrier, and you overcame it. And you discovered some amazing things too, that youre not alone and you have more people supporting you than you thought! I am so proud of you for listening to your Lord and sharing your experiences. Its so hard to do sometimes, it means we need to be vulnerable. But you did it ❤️ I hope some others can take that story with them too and maybe they can share in your experience later on. :) xx
@rebecca947
What are some barriers for you? How can we reduce them?
my barriers are guilt and i brough it up and made the promise to my friend and husband not to do it again plus quarantine. i overcame my guilt and just told and once quarantine is lifted i will be seeking professional help
If you could add anything to this post, what would you like to add?
honestly nothing 
How would you encourage someone struggling to seek help?
your real friends and family members wont judge you for doing it they may not know how to help but they will try with all their might you deserve to overcome this and get help
@itidc
Hello, It! Youve taken some amazing steps! Good on you!! ❤️ How did you overcome it? Maybe others can take something out of what you did and you could help them open a new chapter in their life, a chapter of recovery. :)
I totally agree with your words of encouragement. Id add to let them know how they can help if they express they dont know what to do. Tell them what you need from them ❤️
Take care of yourself and feel free to update us on your journey post quarantine! xx
@rebecca947
Hi rebecca! Thank you so much it means alot! I honestly just pushed through it and knew that I needed to tell to seek help, things weren't going to get better on my own. take care of yourself as well and have a wonderful day!
@rebecca947 This was an amazing read. It's something the needs to be talked about more. Thank you so much for sharing and teaching others that it is okay to reach out and find help. There is np shame in asking for help yet it is one of the hardest things to do. So thank you for posting.
@Goldcherry2113
Hey, Cherry! Thank you so much for your kind words! I really appreciate it. ❤️ I agree that it is so hard to ask for help, because it means we have to be vulnerable and share a different side to us. Its never easy being vulnerable, but it can be one of the bravest things one could ever do. We all need help, yet over the generations, we have tried to stop that from happening. We cant do everything alone, its a human thing to need help :) take care of yourself xx
@rebecca947
I think it's very useful to stop and think about what prevents us from looking for help, for any problem or issue we might have. Even small problems sometimes can become really heavy when not discussed with anyone at all, so I think it's important to reach out for help if we need it. I'll try to answer the questions you gave :)
What are some barriers for you? How can we reduce them?
For me a barrier is feeling ashamed. Many times I feel ashamed even of the smallest of problems I might have. And often I also fear to feel shame during the situation or afterwards. For instance, I might not feel so ashamed of what I need to ask or talk about at the moment but I'm afraid I'll feel ashamed while telling this in front of other people, I fear that the situation is going to make me feel ashamed so I rather not enter it at all. Also I'm afraid I'll feel ashamed after telling this to a person and won't be able to act and behave in a normal manner anymore when around them.
Even though I'm still dealing with this, I might suggest as a way to cope and reduce this barrier, not to anticipate other's reactions, feelings or thoughts. For instance, I might not want to talk about a problem with someone because I think he/she will think this and that about me and my problem or will tell me specific things I already know, but actually I have no sure knowledge that this will happen. We think we can assume lots of things, many times we can, but for myself I found out that I wasn't considering also how things could change in time. The same person at a different time might react differently to what you tell them. Or the same situation might make us feel different after a few years. So we really can't tell beforehand if this is going to be really that bad, embarassing, or whatever we fear it will be, when sharing with someone our problem.
If you could add anything to this post, what would you like to add?
Maybe I would like to add that really any person with any kind of problem is usually facing a moment of embarassment and hesitation when seeking help. Sometimes we look at people who seem like doing very well with pretty everything in their life, but they also have their issues and moments of discomfort, no matter the kind of problems we have I believe pretty much everyone feels sometimes the loneliness or the need of help and maybe don't know how to ask for it.
How would you encourage someone struggling to seek help?
I would tell him/her not to feel "out of the world" for needing help, in this world we all need help, we all need to know things we don't know and we shouldn't feel ashamed to ask, to look for help and to try to understand. So, no feelings of guilt and feel comfortable looking for help when you feel like you need it or ask any questions about things you feel it's the right moment for you to know!!
Hope this might help! The best to all !!!
@RinaP
Hey, Rina! I totally agree with you- suppressing emotions wont end up doing us much good. Funny you mentioned that, because thats exactly what Ive been told and have talked about to my sister and psychologist about.
Shame can be a big barrier indeed, and it sounds like youve thought through it and self-reflected quite a bit. Its the first step to change- acknowledging the problem and the root causes. It sounds like shame for you stems from fear of judgment, as you do aptly mention. We cant control how others react, only our own actions. And as Ive said above to others messages, I find fear of others judgments a reflection on our own judgment towards ourselves. I loved when you said I wasn't considering also how things could change in time. The same person at a different time might react differently to what you tell them. Or the same situation might make us feel different after a few years. That is SO TRUE. And so often overlooked, so thank you for mentioning that! ❤️
I definitely agree with everything youve said. We think other people have it all together but honestly, who does? Were all going through this life journey, nobody gets a manual on how to deal with every scenario were thrown in. Were all just trying to figure it out together- seeking help is a sign of strength, knowing you need help and being willing to be vulnerable. Take care of yourself and thank you so much for sharing so much of your valuable insight! I loved reading it. xx
@rebecca947
I'm glad if my sharing can be useful to others! Thanks to you for taking the time to write your post and also to confront with our answers.
And I also agree that the fear of others' judgement is really something that comes after we, ourselves, judged negatively our thoughts and emotions. I used to say "I really wouldn't mind this or that if it wasn't for this person watching me", but now I see a little more clearly that if I really wouldn't mind myself, than of course I wouldn't mind even with that person watching me. I just didn't want to admit that I had a feeling, or some other times, that I was making a mistake, because if I would admit it, then I'd feel ashamed again. So now I'm trying to leave shame aside and just take an objective look at my thoughts and emotions and if I find I made a mistake, than just acknowledge that without feeling guilty or starting to brood over it.
Maybe someone is feeling the same way, hope this might help! Thank you for your kind words, wish you the best too!
@rebecca947
Hey Rebecca, this post spoke a lot to me and my past with self-harm. I struggled a lot with barriers of stigmatization from others (especially the "you just want attention" phrase.. oh boy does that one hurt) and it's been quite the journey in the past two years to break these barriers and ask for help, no matter how hard it gets. Thank you for writing this!
What are some barriers for you? How can we reduce them?
My barriers for me are quite complex XD I am usually seen as someone who doesn't need much help and is always helping others around them, so it can be very uncomfortable to reach out for myself and my own mental health problems. This is mainly because I'm pretty scared that people might end up not wanting to ask me for help and see me as weak, which is really irrational of me and it can get quite annoying! :( I usually try to reduce them by just doing it and trying to build trustworthy friendships with people I care about. When my relationships with people are healthy ones and are strong, I think I tend to allow myself to reach out to them more and allow myself to open up! :)
If you could add anything to this post, what would you like to add?
I would add some validation for those who have been told that their struggles aren't valid or are just trying to grab attention from others. It really sucks to hear such invalidating and rude things after opening up to a friend or close friend about self-harm (or just really difficult stuff in general). We often expect to hear words of comfort and we do actually deserve kind and supportive things said to us. No matter what invalidating things that others say, our reasons to self-harm and our struggles are always valid and aren't hopeless!!
How would you encourage someone struggling to seek help?
I would talk to them about my past experience with struggling to seek help and try to meet them where they're at in their journey. To me, it was really important to accept that we all deserve help no matter what. I would probably mention that hehe
@TheAtticusFinch
Hey, Atticus! Thank you for your reply. Im really sorry that people have said what theyve said to you. It just goes to show how little attention there still is to this major growing problem. *big hugs* Im so happy for you that youre actively trying to break out of that mould and ask for help when you need it! It takes a lot of courage and strength, not weakness. Asking for help is so strong in so many levels- it shows youve got good self-reflection and self-understanding to realise you need help, and its a strong move to make because it requires us to be vulnerable- and nobody inherently likes feeling vulnerable.
Its great again that youre trying to break out of that thought and counteracting it, not following it. Relationships are a two-way street, and I hope you find some great friends and build up your safe support network!
I love everything that youve said. ❤️ Meet then where theyre at- the most important part of helping someone through. As a quote I recently found says- We dont have to do anything alone. We were never meant to. That sums it all up.
@rebecca947
Thank you for this amazing post, Rebecca!
@Proud14
Thanks, Proud! Hope it was a good read xx
@rebecca947 this is so informative and well structured, i really think self harm as a whole needs more awareness and exposure, you have covered that pretty nicely!! Thank you !! ❤️❤️ So proud of you 😊
@Yourstruly2000
Thank you! ❤️ I hope you find more helpful threads in this subcommunity whenever you need them. And if you have any suggestions of posts to make, don't forget to please submit them via >this form here< ❤️