Self Harm Diary (Caution/TW) (2026)
After giving much thought to this idea, and contemplating over and over over for quite some time, I am making this diary.
This diary is like a log-book, in which I am going to be keeping track of my self harm days and thoughts of self harm/reasons.
Triggers are common/typical with some exceptions.
I have already given trigger warning, and no I will not be explaining what triggers, its uncomfortable.
Those who want to read my diary, are allowed to read and give support if want to, but only on their own accord.
Please don't post extensively about your own journey here even if its for support. Brief posts are acceptable, but not frequent, I cant handle that.
Please respect my personal space and wishes.
Entry 1 (belated)
31st December, 2025.
I relapsed after many months.
Reasons : I will be brief about this, since I am not in the mental space right now yet to explain extensively and orderly.
Family related issues/problems/fights
Depression
OCD (related in a way , not self harm ocd, its different)
Emotions/Thoughts (related to myself and family)
Guilt
Self-Hatred
S thoughts (not in crisis, no more for now at least)
Emptiness (mask over all inner feelings) afterwards for a whole day – no anger, no irritability, no happiness, no self pity/victimization.
Only a feeling of sadness (deep down, mixed with pity and sadness for others due to my existence), self hatred, desolation and felt as if floating like a cloud (no sense of freedom)
I am feeling quite irritated while writing this entry due to being constantly distracted by noises from outside and inside the house and mother constantly talking to me from time to time.
And myself.
Will I be saved? If I am saved, others will be too I guess.
@Sunisshiningsoareyou
Hi Sun, sorry to bother you, but I had to know what you replied on my post related to self harm in the Self Harm community and Depression community too, the post was related to "courage".
You replied, it was a pro-self-harm post towards myself I guess, not knowingly and explicitly, but I was too hopeless to know better and not write and post anything related to self harming more and not stopping (it was in my opinion invariably a cry for help but just not worded correctly, because of that the post got taken down, without as much a feedback or word from the whoever took down my post, so I was lost and confused as to why – too triggering? Beyobf guidelines? I only got to know later by chamce after reading the community guidelines but when making the post I was not in the clear mental state to even read guidelines, though I didnt know I unknowingly and subtly broke the rules).
I couldn't read your replies before the post got taken down, but I was quite sad that I didn't get to know what you said to me.
Its okay if you dont want to post your reply here again, just wanted to tell you this.
Thank you for reading my posts though, Sun.
*beyond guidelines
Sigh why do typos have to exist all the time.
Entry 2 (Belated)
1st January, 2026
Again. The need to sh wont go away.
I stayed up and I was about to go to sleep too actually, yet the urge to sh won me over and tbh I felt relieved after cutting.
I..couldn't stop myself.
Dont know if I cant stop myself today either.
I dont feel like cutting today but I still do rn
The emotions and feelings are really confusing, distressing and distracting too.
Cant stop obsessing cant stop ruminating
Sh is getting jumbled with ocd ***
The intrusive dont stop
No not sh typical ocd
But maybe turnung into sh typical ocd
Idk what to do
What should i even do to stop ocd
Self harm is relief filled yet distress causing too.
Entry 3
2nd January, 2026
No sh
I tried my best to not sh today after repeated urge to.
It was difficult and I almost gave in, but after winning over the urge to, I fell asleep. I woke at like 3 or 4 am, with an urge I g but it was mostly a sleep state thing and I gave up on thinking after that and then again woke up at 7 then 7 30 am.
Theres really nothing to talk about..even if i want to intrusive thoughts of ocd wont let me.
The want to sh is still with me today but a bit low than yesterday.
I want to feel the pain of sh again..idk why..tho, it felt liberating and relief filled in pathetic hopelesss self hatred and guilt and worthless feelings too.
Entry 4
4th January, 2026
Clean
Talked about sh in some group chats and with my listener, maybe I will try some coping methods once I dont feel overwhelmed by the thought of it.
*3rd January, 2026
Entry 5
5th January, 2025
Sh
If I say Idk why I couldn't igmore the urge to sh, that would be both a truth and a lie.
It was reminder for pain and suffering and for happiness and peace, though I am unsure about my relationship with these two.
I need, no I really have to..because I have to without any reason too and tbh there really should be no reason to remember pain and suffering and unhappiness and the consequences of me forgetting.
Its life, and people have different ways and ideas about living a life, they use different methods and techniques to learn to live normally.
Therefore, sh is mine. I cant stop the urge..but I will not sh everyday because I cant its impossible.
Why do I sh and say all this then, if I am not going to have healthy coping mechanisms?
Healthy coping mechanisms are weak and useless and make me soft and unreasonable..and sm I hate for myself and this world.
* 4th January, 2026
Entry 7
6th January, 2026
No sh
Tired and stressed at a 7 rate from 1 to 10 rate, cant sleep peacefully always worrying but I am hating sleep a bit rn because I waste time and the cold weather is making me lazy and unmotivated too.
Entry 7
Entry 8
7th January, 2026
No sh
Ocd and Stress (as always but a bit more increased)
I am tired of dealing with ocd sm cant even write or say what I even want or am trying to anymore without being at a literal war everyday (rational vs irrational thoughts, meaningful vs meaningless thoughts) its torture and so difficult to fight and fight always everyday and all the time no matter how much I want to give up truly and relax, because I can't ever..I am unable to give up truly and relax by not suffering with all these ocd obsessions and compulsions (pure o and typical ocd too)
Entry 9
8th January, 2026
No sh
Nice day
Entry 9
8th January, 2026
