Self Harm Diary (Caution/TW) (2026)

Idk what to do or think anymore..

Entry 10

25th January, 2026

I have been clean since 8th January till today after I stopped posting. 

My urges to sh are sky rocketing today and have been high for the past few days

Ocd and other thoughts and many emotions and feelings are causing me anguish.

Done really

Entry 11

27th January, 2026

Sh

After more than two weeks 

I couldn't control my urge for sometime (days)

I tried to not cut but I was confused and agitated much 

The want to sh without any good reason wouldn't go away at all

No matter how much I tried —

Talking with people in group chats

Listeners

Even my "bestie" to whom I opened up for the first time..I think this was a mistake actually, well I won't be talking about this to her anymore and I don't want and think I will ever be opening up to her or anyone irl anymore.

There's no need to.

All for naught nothing worked..

I wouldn't have cutter maybe if I could have found somone to talk to at all ..the morning and afternoon I made general requests, personal requests to listeners and went to group chat numerous times.

No general requests got taken up, even if the request got taken up the listener went offline or busy.

Thank you to one personal request that got taken up and to the listener that listened to me and gave me stern but kind words..its ok I dont blame you. Even my bestie said she would slap me if I think I way I did.. I dont care if I am feeling hurt by their words anymore now theres no point because the request got taken up after I already gave in to the irge to sh..though I made the request sometime before but its ok that the listener was busy I really don't blame her at all.

The two people who supported me for the few days in group chats werent pnline yesterday..at least when I really needed them to be but its alright I dont blame them because they must have been busy with theur own lives and its also not like they were obliged to support me everytime I went on a rant in the chat rooms..its illogical and irritating and I am stupid and pathetic and useless and unreasonable in the sense that I have irrational thoughts and feelings that dont make any sense too. 

I really committed an action (sh) that is unreasonable and idiotic, I guess I already have started losing my sanity..I am done so much done with myself..

I am sorry really sorry.....

One request the day before got taken up when I gave up and went to sleep and I saw message 12 hours later.

..I couldn't get up the courage to talk to my past listeners..I wanted somone who didnt know me to just listen and just be kind and supportive..not try to help me and keep on giving me coping methods because most don't work at all for me and I can't try many either without anyone knowing.

Well I am done with my confession now 

I dont want to and dont even know how to talk about all these longer now..

Bye.

...................................................................................

If someone reads this post dont take it to heart if I have alluded to you or anyone you know too.

Though I hope I didn't offend or made anyone sad about themselves with this post either..

You have a very brave initiative <3

Ur not alone, And taking initiative is one of the hardest steps. I'm proud that you're doing it. <3