I could’ve avoided it
I only self harmed once the day before yesterday, now my mom told me to do the dishes and I said ok, but for some reason she thought I gave her a tone so later on she came back and was like now I don’t know if I made you upset and I’m scared to make you upset because I don’t know what you’re capable off (implying I would self harm or worse) and I just want to cry so bad like why would you say that? I’m so mad she saw my scars because they are SO light and I did not enjoy the harming feeling at all I didn’t even do it like thinking about it I can’t explain it, I just know that I hated doing it and I hate that she knows now because I will never be able to move past it
Just cry and realize that never is an awfully long time. I don’t know when but you will move past it. People who don’t self harm, like your mother, don’t understand why you did it. She doesn’t know why and it scares her - probably because she is imagining it worse than it is. I cut and am sometimes suicidal. I feel numb and cut so that I can feel something. For me, pain is better than nothing. But, when I’m suicidal, the line between cutting and slitting my wrist is ultra-thin. I can explain why I cut to other people but they typically don’t understand. Not even my therapist gets it. However, it doesn’t sound like you are suicidal but, like I said, you’re Mom’s imagination doesn’t 100% know that. The point I’m trying to make is that she said that because she is scared and worried. If it sounded mean, it is what it is. But try not to think of it that way. Think of it as a scared and worried woman unsuccessfully trying to convey that fact to you.
I forgot, it also sounds like your Mom is blaming herself for you self harming. That is, she also feels like there was something that she could have done to prevent it, even though I doubt that’s the case.
you will be able to move past it, i get the feeling of regret, idk your relationship with your mum, would it help to talk to her about it and clear it up? if not, you will still move past it at some point <3 i hope you’re okay