I dont have to hate myself to hurt myself tw sh
I dont have to hate myself to hurt myself,
Maybe i dont understand as to why id cut, or the reasons to why i did it, heck if i can remember what started it all.
I just know that i liked it, i liked to see the red escaping my arm, i loved the feel of each ridge of my skin, pulling it together to close up the new cut and just playing with it, i loved it all. I dont see at all why i do such things... sure ive had problems and recent events but i just cant see any of it as how bad as it is, i just feel like it would need to be more challenging to me, that id even need to be hurt more , to have more of a strain on me. I just need something to make me recognise my own issues. I like to think i have no problems, though i contradict this sometimes we all just need to say we are okay everynow and again. Im used to blocking everything out of mind, i did for such a long time that i never really stopped to think about myself, does it really matter whether you like yourself or not? I never had that criticism, i still dont.. so now im stuck with knowing that i dont cut for hating myself, but whilst i cut myself ill always know that i dont love myself either....
@makkicyve
Hi, there.
I can relate to what you're saying. In the beginning there was certainly a pathology there that made sense as to why I engaged in self-harming behavior. By the end though, it had evolved into a full blown addiction and soon became more problematic than the reasons I started in the first place. I think once you realize it is a coping skill, and sadly a very effective one, it becomes easier to understand how to adapt and cope differently in the future. In many ways it can be a self-perpetuating cycle which I think is equally important for friends and loved ones to understand. I hope you have support in your life to help you navigate that loop.
Thank you for sharing.