What do you need to hear right now?
Hi everyone! I wanted to open up a safe space this week for others to let me and others know what they're going through and what they need to hear. It's been a hard month for many and also a hard year, and it's important that we have a place for support! When we're supporting others and supporting ourselves, we often forget to ask the question "What do I need right now?"
Do we need someone to tell us that we're right? Do we need someone to help us make a decision? Do we need someone to just be there and listen? These are important and reflective questions to ask ourselves sometimes to give us (and sometimes the person who's listening to us) a bit more context and clarity of our situation. Of course, we can rely and hope that others usually just know what we need to hear and choose to say what they want. That's what normally happens, which is totally fine, but here's a chance to let me and others know what you need to hear yourself.
So yes! Feel free to share what you're going through (if you're comfortable sharing) and just let me and others know what you need more of in your life and what you need others to tell you. :)
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Psychiatrist denied me depression / anxiety meds because of active eating disorder despite me being in recovery. Her reason: "I don't treat active EDs and it's dangerous". Dangerous for me or you, doc? I have so many regrets right now. I have a feeling her response won't change tomorrow after speaking with other professionals. I want to scream. I want to just sleep forever. I'm so tired of people essentially telling me I'm too much of a legal risk to help.
Just need to hear that I'm worth the trouble of all this, that it wasn't a mistake to open up about my eating disorder, that all of this is happening for a reason and will lead to a better outcome.
@Lexloveslife
Hi there !
I'm sorry to hear about this ... It must be frustrating for you. I understand your reaction but trust me you're worth it. You've tried and succeeded in opening up to someone about a topic that must be very personal and for that I would like to congratulate you. By doing this you've proved that you're strong and you can push through this. Hang in there, better days will come soon. In the meantime, we're here for you and will support when you need it.
Wishing you all the best, take care <3
@Lexloveslife
Hi Lex 
I'm really really sorry to hear that you were denied those meds from your psychiatrist because of "legal" reasons.. I don't know how your country's healthcare and mental healthcare system works but that sounds really wrong and I can hear how frustrated and pained you are by this. It sounds like all you wanted to do was receive help for your ed so that you can recover and do what you need to do, and I wish you received that care instead of being pushed away from it.
You, like all people that have mental health problems, deserve the medicine you need to recover. I understand it can be easy right now to fall into a "I don't deserve this" or "I'm too much trouble" way of thinking, but the truth is that you (along with everyone) deserve treatment. It's a universal idea we all agree on and I hope you can agree on it too 
You opening up about your eating disorder is a great thing and that was the first step of recovery you had to take for your healing journey, and I'm so glad you started that. There might be a few bumps down the world (like this) but it's nothing that'll stop you and I wish you the best of luck down the road. :) Remember and affirm to yourself that you're worth it all and we care about you!
Hi Atticus - thank you so much for this post.
What Im going through right now is a little complicated. I dont even know where to start.
Ive been suffering with clinical depression, anxiety and borderline personality for more than seven years, and I spent at least half of that seven years struggling with self-harm and eating disorders. Ive never really noticed before, but it came to my realization now that Ive been quite...alone.
In my struggle, Ive had people who were very supportive of me, but these occasions were fairly brief, and I always end up finding myself alone again. I always end up messing up my relationships with people, or, even worse, tossed away. My parents gave up on me because I was too ‘unstable. I had to quit therapy due to several issues, both financial and personal. A school counselor insulted and guilt-tripped me when I was having a serious breakdown. And my friends, I hope friends care about me, but they have their own share of emotional burden that I simply dont have the heart to add mine onto their pile.
So, I guess I began to become an ambitious, perfectionist people-pleaser. It probably began subconsciously, that I wanted people to ‘see me, I wanted them to be with me, like me, because I thought that if I can get people to acknowledge me, I might be able to find what Im looking for the most in life: support and validation - and companions.
Although, whatever Im doing doesnt really work. No matter how hard I try, nothing changes the fact that Im an average student with no particular talent, mediocre in most things and relatively bad at more advanced fields; the amount of friends I have can be counted by one hand, and some people at school dont even know my name - to them, Im merely infamous for spending so many classes crying in the toilet.
I think the most painful realization is that, if I dont do anything, people wont care - but even if I do something, people still wont care, and it all comes back to prove that Im probably just incapable and helpless. I find it unfair that my pain is often swept under the rug by people for almost a decade, but I find it even more unfair that theres *nothing* I can do about it.
At this point, I really just want to be told that Im enough. Not even ‘good enough - just enough as a person, even if Ive never contributed anything to the world.
Oh no, this turned out so long. Anyway, yes, thats all I really wanted to get out of my chest ><
Take good care, everyone~
@Hydrangea03
Hi there ! Thanks for sharing your story <3
I understand the need to be a people pleaser but never feeling good enough. It's hard when you put in so much effort and nobody seems to care, feels a bit like being a ghost to me. Trust me you're more than enough. You deserve to be here and someday someone will notice all your efforts. You're precious and seem like a genuinely sweet person. I wish you all the best. Would you feel the need to share your thoughts, we're here. And if you want to vent, I'd love to listen.
Take care <3
Slizzy, thank you so much for your support ❤️ Im glad you understand, and your words are so comforting!!
Take good care, I hope your week is/will be lovely 💕
@Slizzy564
@Hydrangea03
Anytime ! I love to share some kind words, I'm happy to hear that I could bring some comfort to you. Have a good day <3
@Hydrangea03
Hi Hydrangea, I don't even know where to start besides thanking you for sharing all of this with me. I can relate to a whole ton of what you said and it was personally satisfying to know that I'm not alone in how I feel and I'm not alone in my experiences, and neither are you. All of the things you've gone through and are going through right now, whether if it was being given up on by your family or feeling like others don't care, are really terrible but important things that have happened in your life that shaped the way you are. I know the overwhelming majority of what you shared was bad, but I can't help but notice the strength in your words and the courage you have to go through all of this. I realize that it's easy to fall down into the ways of thinking where we doubt that we're "good enough" or know if we're fully "enough", and I realize how that can be a really disturbing thought to hear. In my perspective, it's hard to ever be good enough for others and that's almost pointless, but it's the hardest to be enough for ourselves and that's what we need to work on most. No matter what you're doing right now or where you're at, I hope you know and realize that this community and a good amount of people around you think you're enough and I hope you're able to realize it yourself one day as well. :) <3 Take care Hydrangea :) <3
Thank you for always being so encouraging and comforting, @TheAtticusFinch! Im sorry that youre going through my pain as well, but Im relieved to know that Im not alone - we can definitely go through this together, cant we? :)
Take good care, I hope youre well ^^
@TheAtticusFinch
Right now it's late and I'm super depressed and overthinking. I'm so tired of this it feels like nothings okay and will never be okay when it acts up. I wanted to talk to my husband because I snapped at him but it's 1am and he has work tomorrow so.. Idk i just feel like crap and want it to be over. I just feel like a crappy wife I've been focsing one me and not the house and I feel like I've also been using it as an excuse because I have no energy. I'm just so tired of this feeling. I don't feel good enough and I wish I could talk to hil right now. I feel like his family coles first because he will mow their lawn or do anything as soon as they ask I asked him to take a few things to the kitchen today at one time and he made a big deal about it though I do the same thing. He didn't even put stuff away then later on in the night I asked if he'd make me hot chocolate while I take my dog out and he didn't, yes I understand he does work but I just want to feel like I matter.
@itidc
Hi there !
I'm sorry to hear about all this. I hope you manage to talk this out with your husband. You seem to be a thoughful person who cares a lot about him. I'm sure that you're not a crappy wife. You seem to have lots of love to give. Hope things work out for you and better days will come, you deserve them ! Take care <3
@Slizzy564
Thank you so much, I really do. We've been together for 3 years our relationship was online for 2 years and then he came and saw me and a few months later I moved from the USA to France and we got married shortly after, I love him with all my heart. we've both never lived with someone or been married so it's a huge chang and it's only been 7 or 8 months since I moved in.
@itidc
That sounds like a lot of changes indeed. It takes time to get to know someone and I can imagine that going from an online relationship to living together was a big change for both of you. Moving to a different country seems to be a brave way of showing him your feelings. I hope you can work things out together.
@Slizzy564
We def are, I have a rule of talking everything out. I think the worst thing to do is not to communicate so even if it's something small or silly I talk it out so it doesn't become something huge.
@itidc
That's a really good rule. Communication is the key to a healthy relationship. I wish I could do that more. And yeah as you say, at least small things don't get any bigger.
@itidc
Hey itidc, I'm so sorry that you're having troubles with your husband right now.. Those feelings you all listed about feeling like you're not a good enough wife but still feeling conflicted about how your husband doesn't hold up his end of some family/house duties are all very normal feelings and extremely valid to feel. I can definitely understand and see how you want to talk to him about it, yet it feels tense right now and might not be the best time if you both just had a brief argument. Although it feels like nothing is okay right now, I'm really hoping this one passes and I hope you both get to talk out your feelings. In all relationships, it's incredibly important for both sides to be able to express their feelings and communicate them without being scared of the other side taking offense. You are a good wife and you don't need to do anything more to prove that to me or any one else. <3 Hope you take care and I hope today is better.
@TheAtticusFinch
Thank you, we did talk it out and everythings perfect. Honestly my depression got the best of me and I was overthinking but I'm waaaaaaay better!
Hi Atticus, thanks for this post, I really need it right now.
I have been self-harming for the past two years and i want to go get help and to get a diagnosis from a therapist for several thing (depression, bpd etc.) but i can't becuase my parents don't know anything. I can't tell them becuase my mother constantly belittles other people with mental illnesses in front of me and she says that people need to like getter better before they mental illnesse (i don't know, it doesn't make any sense). She has also laughed at me when I once gathered up the courage to tell her that I think that I might have depression (about 2 years ago) and I was going to tell her about my self harm but then she was like, "where did you learn this? the internet? you really are stupid enough to belive that stuff?" so you denied everything that I said. I relapsed today (for self-harm) and I feel terrible. My parents are constantly telling me to be better, and to be faster than other people. My mom screams at me when I want to have some alone time (she says that I'm wasting my time) and whenever I disagree with her on just about anything, she starts to scream at me, then she literaly denies that she even said anything. She once told me that the world woudn't care I died and she has never once apologised. So I would just want somebody to tell me that even though they can't tell me that everything will be ok, they will be there for me every step of the way.
Sorry for the rant. I know it probablly doesn't make any sense. I was in a rush to finish this becuase my parents also don't know about 7cups and if they did, they would probably take it away becuase I'm just looking for labels. Anyways thanks to anyone who bothered to read through this, it means a lot.
@Oxymoron6demon
I'm so sorry to hear about all of this. I hope that someday you do get the help you need by professionals. Your relationship with your mother seems pretty tough. Even if things seem hard at the moment, we're here for you. We will listen to you and support you as much as we can. Feel free to rant, I'll read your posts until the end. Hang in there, keep fighting. Take care <3
@Oxymoron6demon
Hey Oxy, I'm really glad to hear you could benefit by the tiniest bit by healthily venting here and I'm glad I could provide a place for that. I'm a bit shocked to hear everything you've been writing about your mom.. that sounds absolutely awful. Hearing that all day at home must be extremely invalidating and I can't imagine how hard it is for you to hear all of this while going through some really serious mental health problems. I really can relate to some of the things that have been said to you since they've been said to me, so you have no idea how much empathy i have for you and your situation right now.. I'm sorry to hear that you've been relapsing. There's a false notion that relapsing is a sign of failure and defeat. Although that seems easy to buy into, it's also important to acknowledge the fact that relapse is natural and not-relapsing is incredibly hard. I don't know what exactly you want to hear because you didn't specify, but I think if I were in your situation, I would have really wanted to hear that everything your mom is saying is wrong and you are valid the way you are. You and all your mental health issues are completely acceptable in society and there's nothing stupid about what you're going through. I hope you can affirm that to yourself in the next few days and find healthier coping mechanisms. <3 I wish you well and take care.
Hi all yous,
The something that I really would like to hear from someone else because then it would feel even more real (instead of just being in my head) is:
Your Doctor cares about you, really! She wants to help you get the help you need.
Dad loves you, Platy. His way of showing it is just so different. (I am not a project to be fixed, Dad.)
Mom loves YOU, Platy. She does. Sometimes she shows or doesn't show her love for you in ways that you best receive love, but still she loves you.
and something to the effect of, Dear Platy, if Chumm knew of all the troubles you are going through right now, well he would call you or have stayed to help --- that part I would like to hear, but I probably wouldn't.
and definitely the non-verbal communication (which is HUGE .... HUGE!!!!) of a hug. A real actual true in-person hug.
oh yeah, and I know you are scared, dear. It is okay to be scared, but keep going anyway ok? I won't let you do this alone.
((Gee, I wish I could talk with my counselor. )) ~ Platy (7.3.2020, 2am eastern)
@cyanPlatypus6370
Hi there !
Your post got me quite emotional, there's a lot of love and affection in it. I'm sure your doctor does care about you and your family loves you, even if in their own way. Families are like that. Hugs are the best, a nice big warm hug now and again can really help. I hope you get some soon.
Sending virtual hugs (I know it's not the same but it's the best I can do), take care <3
@cyanPlatypus6370
Hey Platy <3 thanks for responding to my forum post. I think this reply was an interesting and clever way to approach having a one-to-one pep talk with yourself and I hope it was beneficial to you. I don't know the context of all of the things you listed but I'm really sorry to hear that you have some doubts about your doctor and also some doubts going on with how your family treats you. I hope those things can get resolved but I understand if they are extremely complex :( I wish I could give you a hug now as well as I think we all need hugs for what we're going through and I genuinely hope things get better soon. <3 These were all really important points that you brought up and I hope you're able to affirm these to yourself.
That i'm not crazy. I'm human with feelings. It sucks because most people don't get it so I feel alone in my battle. I'm not a monster! It's okay to be you.
Thank you for making a safe space to share. I know I didn't say much but that's all I could think of.
@Goldcherry2113
Hey Gold <3 Thank you for responding to my post and I hope talking a bit about this was beneficial to you. As I said above, it's important to reflect on what you need to hear and what you want to hear from others right now and I can really related to what you talked about with being "not crazy". You're absolutely right that you aren't crazy, you're human. Part of being human is making mistakes, and it's incredibly common for us to fall into the trap of judging ourselves and others too harshly for being human. You're not alone in your battle at all- I feel the same way sometimes but I know that deep down, I'm a good person and I think we both need to remember to affirm that to ourselves sometimes. We can't do everything perfect and we can only try to be better, I hope the people around you understand that as well. :)
I want to hear that I don't need to pressure myself because I'm good where I am. Every time I force myself to think in the present, I still feel like everyone around me is going too fast, and already in the future before I am and I want to be in their positive mindset. Of course not EVERYONE I know is positive, but I guess its hard for me to understand that we all have an unfair life, and that is what makes it fair. I just feel sick every day and don't want to be doing anything. I want to be told I have many chances.
@Skyy0
Hi there !
I understand the way that everyone else seems to be in the future and feeling stuck in the present. In those moments I find comfort in the fact that everyone moves along at their own pace. Yeah people may seem ahead of you for some things but maybe they're behind for others. Your own path is unique anyway. You're free to take the time to stroll along. After all you do have many chances, just the same as everyone else. Good luck and take care <3
@Skyy0
Aw sky, I really relate to this <3 although I don't know exactly what situation you're in or know what the context of what you're talking about is, it's extremely relatable to hear that you really are feeling sick and tired of just life right now and coming to terms with how fair or unfair life is. :( I myself do believe that life is unfair but we get a fair chance at how we react to things happening around us. I know you're going to figure that out eventually thought and you definitely do have so many chances in life to do different things and everything you want to do. <3 I used to feel that way too and I used to be scared that there would be too much time and not enough chances, but with time I think we all begin the realize it's the opposite way around. :( <3
What I really need to hear and feel is
@DinaElwy
I can so relate. It is a feeling I have most often. I have to work really hard to change that thought in my head, on a regular and ongoing basis. Thanks for sharing.
@DinaElwy
I can really relate to this and I can't even begin to express how common it is to feel alone with our thoughts. <3 For a while, this really bothered me and affected my life greatly so I definitely empathize with you. :) One thing that I heard when I was in this period was the definition of the word "sonder". It basically means the realization that everyone around you is living a life just as vivid and real as yours. Full with challenges, joy, all emotions, and thoughts. :) You're valid and you're truly not alone <3
@TheAtticusFinch Thanks for your support
The thing I would like to hear right now, is that my son is going to join me for dinner. Thanks!
@optimisticRaspberries5247 I hope you see him soon
@optimisticRaspberries5247
I hope your son is well and that you two get to see each other soon as well <3
Hi, I've never posted before and don't really intend to post again, but I thought I should share some advice I was told. This is most relevant for cutting but it works with other things too
At the site where you harm, draw a butterfly. If you harm, you will kill the butterfly. The aim is to keep the butterfly alive for as long as possible.
I know everyone is different and this might not be helpful, but if I've managed to help one person today, I'll be happy with that.
@ashh5972
Thank you for sharing the butterfly method with us all ashh <3 I definitely used that method a lot in the past when I self-harmed and I appreciate how much good it's done for me and a lot of people around the world. :)
