First time you ever experimented with self-harm?
It was the beginning of this school year. My boyfriend has reached a low point (very suicidal) and his parents and just realized it. His mom kept texting me about everything (ex: did you have a fight? he doesn't want to get out of bed. do you have a date planned? he won't stop playing xbox...). It got to the point where I was stressed all of the time. I started to just feel numb. Iwanted to FEELsomething not just go through the motions. So I tried it. Only my boyfriend saw and he got mad. Then a month or two ago I started again. It's annoying and I hate it but I just want to keep going. I want to FEEL.
I have had severe trichotillomania for a year, a disorder where you compulsively pull out your own hair. This has resulted in me being essentially completely bald and I wear a hat all the time so no one can see my head. It's what I do when I'm sad, mad, bored, or even happy. I pull out my hair. Well for the past few weeks things have gotten a lot worse and I think my parents are going to get divorced. So yesterday while I was in this shower I cut myself with the razor. 3 small cuts on my leg that were not deep but bled quite a bit. I knew that cutting's bad and I knew that once I started it would be hard to stop, but I felt so bad that I wanted to. And now I feel stuck because I know that I'll probably do it again and I don't want it to get as bad as the trich did.
Thanks for sharing. That is strong. We are always here to help, and I can relate with trich, my sister had it.
I was a freshman inhighschooland we were in a volleyball unit/school-wide tournament. I ended up in the "leftovers" group;the teammates no one wanted. We ended up losing every game we had to play, and were taunted and put down by the other teams for "not trying", "why are you even playing?", "thisisntworth my time". I would go to my boyfriend crying after school (gym was my last period of the day) every day, and he would park his car and let me cry for a while before I got home.
There was one day I was walking home, and crying, and came home to an empty house. I grabbed something not really that sharp but it worked. I was instantly hooked. I actively self-harmed for about a year, then I was sent to an IOP program. I stopped only out of guilt of making my parents sad, and how much the program cost. I haven't actually cut since then, but I've picked up smoking cigs and weed :( I'm not any happier than I was then, I've just found better ways to push it down.
I didn't mention - I showed self-harming tendencies since I was young, I used to scratch myself and I would pick at my heelswith a safety pin until i couldn't walk on my own feet (IDK if that's dermatillomania (which I have) or deliberate self harm)
I couldn't find how to edit a post, I hopea reply to my own is alright.
I've been clean for 290 days. I didn't want to stop but i did. I didn't want help but I asked for it and that was one of the best choices I've ever made.
That's so good to hear. Stay strong x
When I was about 12 I had a group of friends and I think that some of them were self harming. I feel like at the time I was desperate to belong, I wanted to look like them, dress like them etcand the idea of self harm was romanticisised to me. I'm 18 now and have struggled with self harm over the years. I feel like the thoughts and perceptions I had at a young vulnerable age triggered this problem for me. I don't know if I would have problems with self harm if it weren't for that.
I don't really remember when or why I started it, I just remember feeling really good when I did it and I couldn't stop. To this day whenever I feel down self harm is always on my mind as a form of "solution" , I don't know why, I wish I could make these thoughts go away.
Hey - I started when SH when I was 15..
Well, my first experiences with it where compulsively picking at my skin and scabs (never knew that that could be considered a form of SI, but I soon discovered it was). From there it escalated to burning my self and such, and thatwas because I felt numb.
I started when i was 15. I think it was mostly because i was in a situation where i had no close friends to speak of, i sat alone every weekend and felt like i didn't exist to anyone. I scratched my arm with something, i don't remember, and it escalated from there because it made me feel real, like i mattered. I dunno im trying to stop and have been for 18 months-ish. Hopefully one day I'll be able to consider myself as over this constant urge in my life.
1989... I was 16 back then .. I come from a seriously dysfunctional family