First time you ever experimented with self-harm?
i started when i was 13. i was starting to wonder if i wasn't straight, and i'd heard that it was bad to be gay or bi, or at the very least, difficult. i wasn't really very upset but i had heard about cutting and decided it seemed like the thing to do. i started just with scratching and a thumb tack.
It was a little over a year ago the first time it happened; it wasn't even something I had thought about before. I was just coming out of a really tough breakup and thought I could find relief in it the same way my ex did.
I am 15. I started cutting before five months but had the thought back in the 2013 when I was bullied at school. My new school is perfect but bullying left me some psychological problems that cause me to overreact many times and get extremely sad when someone insults me. I feel worthless or not good enough many times even though I have a supportive family. So when the pressure hits, I cut. Serious cutting started for me a week ago when I cut too deep and couldn't stop the bleeding for a while. I got so scared so I became a member on this site and decided to stop, until yesterday I cut again and realized stopping seems impossible...
the keyword there is that it seems impossible. it's so hard to stop, i know, but i know you can get through this! just focus on getting through one day at a time, and talking to people on here will help with the rest.
You are right...it "seems". I didn't say it "is". Thank you for making me see this from this point of view
It was probably around 13 I don't remember if I was depressed. what I do remember That i grabbed one of those small Scissors And stabbed my arm with it.
Started just over 5 months ago. It began with banging my head against the wall, but then people started asking why I had bruises on my forehead...cut up thighs are easier to hide.
I started on September 23rd, so when I'm writing this, it would've been yesterday. My life felt and still feels very meaningless. Self harm helps me focus on the pain on my body, not the pain in my mind. It's so difficult to control myself, because once I started, the pain made me feel alive. I just want to feel alive and well, and this makes me feel alive.
TRIGGER WARNING ... @AllyCat01 - Hi you. If you started yesterday, then I want to PLEAD with you to stop NOW. I remember how it felt when I started 19 years ago. I realise that to ask this of you even now will be very difficult. You've tasted that release and you cannot undo it. But my girl, I beg of you to read this carefully. If you do not stop NOW it will only get harder and harder and much harder to stop. The injuries will become worse, the scars will become worse and you will come to a place where you will not be able to hide it. DO NOT THINK YOU CAN CONTROL IT. This thing will take hold of you and take you places you do not want to go - I promise, I know. Please, please, please find someone you can talk to. If you don't have anyone, find a listener here on 7Cups, find many listeners, express yourself in the forums and try out the chat rooms, vent to someone, talk to a stranger. Please just don't let this become one more horror in your life. Because this thing that looks so shiny now will turn into a horrific vicious monster that will not let you go. Please AllyCat. Please take care of yourself. I care about you enough to have taken the time to write this. Do not think you are alone in this world. Do not think no one knows about you. I see you. I know about you. Please take care of yourself and GET HELP NOW!
I forgot to send you a hug - one as long as you would like it to be...
@Chiaroscuro1 - Thank you. That's all I can really say right now, but thank you so much. Thank you for telling me that, because I know you're not lying. People wouldn't lie about something like this. I don't know if I can stop right this very second, but I will try, because that's all I can do right now. The idea of self-harm seems like a good idea, but I will try to stop.
@AllyCat01 - I understand. You took the time to listen to what I had to say. I believe you will keep it in mind and for that I'm grateful. Thank you for hearing me out. I hope with all my heart and might that you will find your way out of this very soon.
I started years ago, when people started making me bullying, and I actually continue doing.
The first time there wasn't any blood, only pain, but I'm supposed to... continue
I never thought I would be this person. I've only cut myself three times, last one was a couple weeks ago and I get an overwhelming urge to do it again. My parents do some dumb things sometimes and my mom blames it all on me.... I didn't know this is what I would be and a friend found out and just said stop to me, didn't say anything else. I get really stressed and sad but I don't know if it means I have a mental disorder. The first time I did it my mom said she wished I hadn't been born and she didn't love me, but she loved my twin brother... She saw a cut that night she did all those things and asked me how I could be so stupid, which pushed me into it on top of everything else. She doesn't know I still did it after.
@TwoWeeksAgo3712 - This is TERRIBLE. I feel so sad that you are not appreciated and not looked after and loved like you should be. I want to plead with you to please read the reply I sent to AllyCat01 only a few posts ago. And I want you to find someone who will listen to you so that your emotional bucket will not be so full that it spills over into self-harm. Yes, it is bad enough. Yes, you should find someone who will have a kind and compassionate ear. Yes, you are worth it. Yes, you should do it as soon as possible. Yes, we see you and hear you. Please do not continue cutting. Please get help for those things that make you want to cut. I send a hug, one that is exactly what you need right now and how you need it right now.
Maybe a year ago? I would (still do sometimes) use the sharp plastic end of a razor to scratch my arm raw, and create welts and abrasions, and I would dig my fingernails into my skin and pull back in a ripping motion to tear back the skin in little places. I would do that a lot so my arm was full of the little cuts and scratches associated with finger nail tearing. Also I would punch little pieces of skin and create little bruises. I never cut, because I live in a moderately verbally abusive home and if anyone ever saw my cuts, it would get so so so much worse.
@independentJar3699*pinch
I tried cutting myself with a blade but it hurt so I couldn't. 😅
@creativeBloom15 - I am SO SO SO glad that you couldn't. But what made you feel that you had to do this or try this?
@Chiaroscuro1 All my friends were trying it so I decided to try it too even though it's stupid.
@creativeBloom15 - Please don't try it again, okay? You are your own person. You do not have to do it just because your friends are doing it. I sense that you already know this. Which means that you are already thinking for yourself, knowing what is good for you instead of blindly following the crowd. Stay strong. Do what is right for you. Take care of yourself, okay?
