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First time you ever experimented with self-harm?

User Profile: Laura
Laura December 10th, 2014

Share your story here.

696
User Profile: Ivebeenthinkingtoomuch
Ivebeenthinkingtoomuch April 19th, 2016

I was 10 and I got yelled at really bad and felt useless and I don't really remember what was going through my head but I knew I wanted to feel pain so I took a disposable razor smashed it and used that.

User Profile: Animosity
Animosity April 19th, 2016

Recently was the first time. I had felt so low that day. I received bad news and was in so much pain emotionally. I was in my work uniform and realized I still had my box cutter in my pocket. I just thought maybe just one cut would make it hurt less on the inside. Take my mind off the pain. I didn't know it would feel so good and I couldn't stop. Now I have seven cuts down my arm and I have to keep it covered. I'm ashamed and scared of what people will think if they see it.

User Profile: Haleyyyyyy
Haleyyyyyy April 19th, 2016

I was in 6th grade and my friend was doing it because she was feeling sad and I thought it was a good idea and it wouldn't be that bad, so I got a safety pin and started scratching at my skin. Then about a week later I took the blade out of a pencil sharpener and made a little cut on my wrist. I instantly felt relieved. Now here I am, several years later, and I can't stop. And it's only getting worse....

User Profile: MarABDelgado
MarABDelgado April 19th, 2016

Very, very recently. I ate a lot of food that day and I thought punishing myself for the absence of control. I'm scare I won't be able to stop cause it really free me.

User Profile: gianna000
gianna000 April 20th, 2016

When I was 8. When I was living with my aunt and I felt like no one was there for me so I just grabbed a scissor and cut over my skin. I've been cutting for almost 8 years now.

User Profile: coffeendtea
coffeendtea April 25th, 2016

I used a safety pin i saw, it was the sharpest thing near me, i was blinded by anger. I hated myself so much, still do, but i needed to punish myself. All i was thinking was how could i exist how could i look at myself. I needed to punish myself, so i dragged it across my wrist, and i felt such relief. I felt assurance, in a strange way, like i had a second chance? From then on it was just more reasons, im not smart enough, im not pretty enough, im not skinny, im just not presentable. And it kept happening so much bc i felt better doing it, even though i felt so ashamed after. But at the time, it gave me relief and peace, like everything was going to be ok. But then i got ahold of a razor, and the cuts are deeper and they take longer to heal. But at least i have a peace of mind while doing it:(

User Profile: dirgesinthedark
dirgesinthedark April 25th, 2016

I was 9 it was after the death of my second father (my first had also previously passed when I was 7. I felt (feel?) like I was a walking death magnet at this point with all the tragic deaths that had occurred this early in my life. I ended up coming to the conclusion that the best way to make sure I didn't cause my mom or brother to die was to kill myself so they would be happy again. I ended up taking a metal can, (might have been an empty hairspray bottle or something I don't remember honestly) and had repeatedly hit my head until I started bleeding. By this point I was dizzy and lightheaded and had ended up collapsing. My mom had found me and thought that I'd passed out and hit my head on the counter by accident. She still doesn't know I self harm despite the numerous scars.

User Profile: TheBoxingGoldfish
TheBoxingGoldfish April 25th, 2016

I first self-harmed when I was 15. I had spent several months dealing with a couple of those Facebook suicide and self-harm support groups. By the way, don't use those types of groups, they aren't necessarily safe. Use 7 cups or call a crisis line. Anyway, I originally just came to them because I wanted to find a supportive environment after getting out of the psych ward for suicidal thoughts. However, those groups were desperate for moderators to help deal with the constant influx of messages from people who were struggling with very stressful situations. I kind of ended up being an unofficial moderator. It was not a very good arrangement considering that I had already been struggling with my own issues. I tried to fix too many people without fixing myself. Eventually, the stress drove me to finding new ways to cope. I would leave miniscule cuts on part of my arm with a knife, but I made a lot of them. I hid them underneath my watch. That wasn't the last time I self harmed. It got out of control, I must admit. After an actual suicide attempt landed me in another psych ward I swore that I would never self-harm or try and end my life again. I still have thoughts of self harming once in a blue moon, but I haven't acted on them since the second psych ward. I know I am worth more than that now. I know that behavior does me no good, and it just hurts myself, my family, and my friends. I am happy to say that I have a more positive outlook on life now. Every breath on this earth is refreshing to me. To all of you in this thread, I hope you get out or continue to stay out of the situations which cause or caused you all of that pain. I wish nothing but the best for you beautiful people. We can all make it on this path to healing. It just takes baby steps. :)

User Profile: DragonGirl1995
DragonGirl1995 April 26th, 2016

I've harmed in one way or another for as long as I can remember. I asked my mom about it and she caught me biting myself as a punishment to myself at 4. It's evolved since then but typically it's me "punishing" myself for something I think I did wrong.

2 replies
User Profile: Panicqueen
Panicqueen May 27th, 2016

@DragonGirl1995 ; when I was younger, I would pinch myself. I would scratch myself. When I got in trouble I always screamed I wanted to die. I was so little. Now I'm older. I have scars. Even now, I still want to die.

User Profile: Fatman22
Fatman22 June 4th, 2016

@DragonGirl1995 me too, it was only up until I was about 14-15 that I actually started to cut on a more serious level, before that I would just use a pencil sharpener on my little finger or hit my head off a kitchen counter, I didn't think much of it so when my mum started to freak out, I just thought she was over reacting to the situation. (sorry if its to graphic, I have a tendency to do that on the count of not having that much social interaction). In fact I was stupid enough to actually tell my teacher about my finger, (after she asked) she told me that accidents happen, and again being the stupid 9 year old I was, told her it wasnt an accident, when she asked why I just stared at her and said "I dont know". She always acted weirdly around me after that.

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User Profile: WhovianGirl11
WhovianGirl11 April 27th, 2016

About a couple of months ago

1 reply
User Profile: tallTalker7163
tallTalker7163 April 29th, 2016

@WhovianGirl11 sorry about that .. :/

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