A discussion on Love with Laura
As Valentine's day was this week, I have had the word love on my mind. I was hoping we could have an open discussion about love and what this word means for you individually, but also as it pertains to your emotional work here at 7 Cups of Tea.
To me there are a few kinds of love:
- Friendship Love
- Romantic Love
- Sibling Love
- Love for your child
- Love for your parents
- Love for relatives.
- Listener/ member love
- Self-love
At it's core, love is something that is pure. A raw feeling that bestows trust, kindness and support to another person. Love gives us freedom to be ourselves and be vulnerable. Love provides comfort and solace in a world where we may feel uneasy and stiff.
For those of you who struggle with love, finding love, finding the connection of love, you've come to the right place. At it's core, 7 Cups is purely love. Our goal is create a new way for you to experience and give love in your life.
Some important things I think about when I think about love:
1) Self-love comes first
2) Give the kind of love that you want to receive
3) you will start to receive this kind of love back
What do you all think about love? Let's talk about it here.
My post will be about romantic love because I feel like that's what I'm struggling with at the moment. I'm in an LDR right now and communication between me and my bf us very limited because of his poor Internet. I feel like he goes on about his life and I'm just sat around waiting for him to message or ring when I have no reason to because he hasn't said he would. I want to be like him in this relationship, blasé and not dependent. To him were still going strong and he loves me the same. To me I feel like I'm falling and part because I miss him so much. So love for me is hard right now. It makes me a little bit crazy sometimes. Most of all it scares me, I've been hurt before and it's the worst feeling ever. I don't want to love someone so much just to be broken again. I will always be that person that hopes for the best but prepares for the worst, he hasn't indicated he will break up with me but I just can't help being insecure in that way. I don't know how to relay these feelings to a person who doesn't even think anything is wrong?! I think talking it through with him will help but I don't know how to approach the situation in the limited convo we have and how to say it so he doesn't take it the wrong way! I love him, I love him more than I've loved anyone and that scares me because it makes me vulnerable. I don't want it to end but I can't go on feeling like this either...
@PinkHickory0202
Being vulnerable is a beautiful thing. It's okay to be scared, that is a normal element to being vulnerable. Love can be a very over powering, but also very wonderful.
You owe it to yourself to talk to him. But you already know this. It sounds like you are looking for some courage, a push towards taking this action. If you love someone, you deserve to love them without insecurity, without wondering what is being thought by the other person.
You could approach the situation as follows:
"Hey X, I've been feeling a little insecure in our relationship because i feel X. I really love you and in order for us to build a strong relationship with one another, I need us to have an open flow of honest conversation. Could you help support me through what I am feeling? I think it will make our relationship stronger for both of us"
Could you say something like this?
I need to messag you, LauraS, about the calendar. Not sure how to reach you.. Can you please let me know how. Thanks.
Laura, I know this wasn't a response to my message, but your suggestion really stood out to me. I have said this very thing (in different words of course) to my boyfriend of five years. I get nothing in return. I'm not sure if he is incapable of having these kinds of conversations with me, if he doesn't understand what I am saying, or if he just doesn't care. He has accused me of using "college words" and that he doesn't understand me. Other times, he just blows me off and says I don't know what I'm talking about. And other times, he puts me down and starts blaming me for the wrong in our relationship. What do I do if he truly is incapable of having this level of relationship that I am needing? I love him and he is a good man. I'm just afraid that he doesn't understand me and that I shouldn't expect from him the level of relationship I am needing. I have tried so hard to communicate with him about how I feel. And I just don't get anything in return except grief. Although I think he wants to change. Because there are times that he looks at me with such love and tenderness that it breaks my heart to know that we just may be incompatible. What to do?
I'm very glad to read listener/member love and please let me add member/member love and listener/listener love. There is a lot of love here and I feel it is great. I'm glad I can say freely I love u for members and listeners bcuz I really do love them! They are not just anonymous nicknames here. They r important to me. I love u Laura :)
@politeCup86
What a lovely post! Thank you for sharing.
Can you give some of our other readers ideas on how they can show love around the community?
Also, what are your thoughts on self-love?
Glad to see ur post. I have a lot of suggestions for sharing love but I donnow if they are good or bad. How about if members and listeners can leave a review for the members :) how about if members can write a few words about them selves in their profile. How about if there was like a like button next to listeners and members profile we can click on it. How about if we can vote for listener of the week? I really want to thank u for openeing discussions in the forum which is much much better than the guided discussion room. About self love since I lack it severly I can talk much about it. But I love others so much and I have a lot of love in my heart which is overwhelming sometimes lol :)
@politeCup: This picture is soooo cute! And what you say is so good. I hope you learn to love yourself because I can see that you have so much love inside you! I love you already and this picture is so adorable! Cheers!
Oh faithful person you r so sweet and have an amazing nick name. I love u 2222222222 faithful and love ur kind soul. And it is a very nice pic lol I love it too. Soooo cute random kid I found on line describe how I feel lol. Cheeers sweet heart
I should probably talk about self love. Because I don't have any. For some reason, to most people im nice, sweet, funny, easy to get along with. but for me my anxiety makes it so when I mess up, I never forget about it. and I think it's messed everything up and im no good anymore. Any mistake I've ever made runs through my head every night constantly and all I can think is how I'm just not good enough. for anything. and I can't love myself.
@LizzieBarr
Developing a practice of self-love is really hard, takes time and dedication. Don't be so hard on yourself, you'll get there.
I want you to know that I believe everyone is capable of self-love, including you.
A good way to start thinking about self-love is to think about self-compassion. What do you self-compassion practices look like? Read about this idea here.And then let me know what you think.
@LizzyBarr: I can TOTALLY relate! I have to fight really hard to keep the negative self talk away. I've been doing that to myself for so long, I do it without thinking about it. The thoughts just come out of nowhere sometimes. All of a sudden, something will strike me and I'll remember a mistake I made or an embarrassing situation and I start beating myself up. Although I still struggle with these thoughts, I have learned to address them and replace them with something more positive, such as "I am human. I did the best I could with what I had at the time." Then, I can let myself off the hook a little. You are not alone and let me tell you there was a time when I thought I couldn't possibly get better. That I was beyond help. However, over time and with the help of an incredibly gifted therapist, I can say that things look a little brighter today. There is hope for you, dear. Believe me.
Love is a really strangely wonderful thing. When I was 12 I believe, I caught myself saying the word " Love" waaaayytoo much. I kinda had a talk with myself, and understood that I didn't really LOOOVE that plant I saw at the mall. Or that I didn't LOOOVEthat boy who once gave me a box of chocolates without a reason. I thought that I had to limit my love, because it was going to run out at some point, and I imagined myself as this really cranky mean person who didn't have a pinch of love or kindness in her body. I waas really really wrong. Or at least right now, I don't feel like running out of love is something possible. I don't currently love someone romantically, and that's perfectly fine. I love my family, I love my pet, I love my friends, I love myself, I love this website, and I love every little thing that makes me happy, or makes the people I love happy for that matter.Love is not something that you should limit yourself to show, or to feel, or to give. Thank you Laura for making these posts, I love you for being one of the coolest mentors and for always being nice to me when I was a listener!
Last saturday was valentin and my friends organised me a "date" with a boy therefor i have a crush on a boy who is in a relationship and he considers me like his sister. The boy i was datimg made me feel LOST and now i m confused about my feeling toward my crush . My friend say that my crush is not good for me but now i m lost and i don t know if i should try something with my date but idt anything is going to happen bc he s a popular dude and has realy hot friends and on our date he told me about his last love what should i think ?
I went to private schools my whole life, so my first definition of love came from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 "Love is patient,love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,it is not easily angered,it keeps no record of wrongs.Love does not delight in evilbut rejoices with the truth.It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." A nice way to describe love, but I have not lived all aspects of those verses though it is the truth.
@TransAm: This is a beautiful way to describe love.
Thanks .. I did not understand it as much when I was a kid, but now as an adult, I see the things that I need to work on. Trust and patience. I love too deeply and I used to trust so easily, but I always ended up getting hurt. So now my patience is very thin and that is unfair to others who have absolutely nothing to do w/my past. Also, I think another way of love is always looking at the best in a person. Beauty truly comes from the inside and if you can always find the best in a person despite their faults, you know how to love. :)
Well I really need help with this one. I kind of have a problem with loving people. In 15 years of living I can say I have never loved a guy, due to some bad family experiences. I do not love myself, at all. My "love giving" is basically directed to my little sister, and a very small group of friends (3-4 people). I have trust issues and I do not know how to deal with them, which leads to love issues. I guess that's basically it...
@jaywan: It sounds like you've been hurt by your family and for that I am so sorry. I trust that you will work on loving yourself and working through your trust issues. In the meantime, try not to worry so much about not loving a guy. You've got your sister and your friends to concentrate on. It's not how many people you love, it's the quality of that love which you give and receive. Love to you dear. You will make it through.
So recently I've been dating this guy, and he is super sweet and kind, and honestly he is completely different from anyone else I have dated. I think I'm really happy but at the same time imworried because im not as sacred with him as i have been with anyone else, like i dont freak out as much about my hair or makeup but imkinda worried that that means i dont care....
