A.D.G.O (Another Darn Growth Opportunity)
I was at a conference last week at VCU. Linda Hancock presented this idea of ADGOs - Another Darn Growth Opportunity. She indicated that these are the sometimes self-inflicted and sometimes life experiences that catch us off guard. For example, getting in a fight with your boss might be a self-inflicted ADGO. Your car breaking down would be another. We are human. Difficult things happen to us and we also sometimes act in way that make things hard. Skills and re-framing help. Life, is often one problem/obstacle/opportunity after another. So, she suggests that we look at these challenges - not as problems to be avoided - but as disguised growth opportunities. A.D.G.O.s can also give us the passion to help others though similar issues.
In this thread, please share an ADGO you are facing and how you redeemed it!
I thought I was a mess. But I learned I just needed someone to help me. And so I just got help.
I'm in a long distance relationship with my gf and I really love her and want it to work but I just don't believe she loves me back because I've been hurt in every last one of my relationships plus I suffer from depression
@Unknown7643588 I'm in a long distance relationship too. It can be hard, especially when you can't always know what's happening and it hurts that you can't be physically together. There's nothing that can cause the proverbial "death by a thousand cuts" the way doubt can. My fiance is in a fight against depression too, but we're working on it together. Try to be honest and open with your gf, and encourage her to do the same with you. It goes a loooong way in helping you seem that much closer over the distance and in helping your relationship become stronger.
Best of luck to you both!
I went through a breakup about a month ago. It was with my first love. We'd known each other a decade, and I've always been head over heels for him.
Well, he chose someone else over me. Someone who helped him put himself first for a change. How could I be mad at that. But it was one of the most devastating experiences I've ever been through.
I spent alot of time figuring myself out after that. He and I have both changed alot, we're no longer the people we once knew. And, for once, I took a step back and examined my needs. Although I wanted him more than anything, he could no longer meet my rising needs. And I had to value myself just as much as I value him. It took every last ounce of strength I had, but I found new hope for myself. I strengthened my resolve to find someone who can support me as well as I support them.
I realized that he is my first love, but now he will no longer be my only love. And he and I are still great friends.
I used to love travelling, adventures, but recently I'm scared of doing anything. Sometimes I'm even scared of going out of my house.
I had planned a long travel by bus to see some friends, like 12 hours of travelling.
The whole day I was obsessed and too scared, but I've tried to overcome my fears and I've taken that bus.
I know it's silly but I'm so proud of myself atm.
@GlenM i dont think i fully understand the ADGO's, but I'll give it a go!
I'm not the best at sharing things with others when it comes to talking about my mental illnesses and personal things, but today I was really feeling depressed at work and my coworker has been noticing my mood changes and everything. He never pressures me to talk about anything, but he has always let me know that he's there for me if I need it. Today I kinda finally made a big step and let him in a little and told him some of the going on's in my life, and he kinda helped more than he realized i guess. I think i grew in the sense that I learned that it is really okay to let people help you and to not be afraid to share.
Stepping into areas I've been afraid of for a long time ("terrified" would not be an over-dramatization) - studying Econ - a subject I've had an abnormal aversion to for years. I'm not only amazed by it and loving it - I'm really good at it - something i NEVER thought I'd be comfortable admitting! I've been terrified of my own success, and of participating in the world around me for most of my life. I've been laying the groundwork to do so for a very long time, and I can actually see now that It's paying off. I'm rounding the corner from chronic helplessness to a world in which i can be very strong, and very effective, and set appropriate boundaries all along the way. Unreal to me. Much of my progress is due to negative vs. positive thinking, and subsequent choices - and this post helps enormously! Thank you!!!!
Got a chest infection on my second week of interning (overseas) in Munich. Had to take the whole week off work. I was initially scared of what my bosses and supervisor would say, but I know they're cool with it coz I've done nothing wrong. I'm tougher than I think I am ;)
My A.D.G.O:
I have recently been dealing with a break up/escape from a guy who was mentally and physically abusing me for a long time. My emotions have been all over the place and most days it feels like I have nothing to keep me grounded anymore. I left graduate studies and moved back to the USA, so I have nothing right now. No job, no school, no friends. I have felt like I am in a sort of purgatory.
I used to feel positive about life even when bad things happened. I was always able to find something positive, but lately I haven't been able to...until I read this post. I know that this will help me see the world in a better way and finally see that my life is my own now. It's not anyone else's except mine and I can do what I want now.
Having this free time away from work and away from school will give me time to finally focus on myself and grow mentally. I will take this time to focus on getting stronger so that what happened won't impact my future relationship and dreams. Not everyone who needs time for themself has this opportunity. I am very lucky and I will use this time to feel better.
@pinkBlueberry2724 I feel like I'm in a similar purgatory - not from a relationship but with school and other things. I too am grateful for the time. Rediscover your hobbies maybe? I have found some wonderfulness in this. Also thanks for sharing. Knowing someone else is in a similar boat is so helpful. ❤️
@Trying87
It does help to know others are in the same boat. You are not alone. It's not a great feeling but it's only temporary. I have to remind myself of that. Things can and will change as long as we keep going.
@pinkBlueberry2724 thanks for the kind words. We can do this :)
@pinkBlueberry2724 you definitely aren't alone in this struggle. But I learned that truly being alone (friends have left, no significant other, family is distant) is the best way to learn how to take care of yourself and change for yourself and no one else. I think it is a good environment for us all to be in sometimes, as painful as it can be.
@Skatekeys
Thank you for the advice and encouragement. Getting better for myself is my goal now. I hope I can stay strong and get better, but I'm showing signs of what I think is ptsd. I'm nervous what is coming but i want to get better so badly. Thanks for your comment!
Hi, first post.....I recently lost my counsellor and my funding for school temporarily. Life looks very different than it used to and my supports are lacking. I found a new counsellor that I have connected with better than past counsellor, but because of this great connection it's been incredibly hard. At first I figured it would scare him away, but it didn't, which just shows how incredible he is. Now I'm realizing I need to decide if I can do this.....emotions are high and so is loneliness. I can see all the good that could come with this, but not sure how to make the opportunity work for me in the day to day when I am struggling with so much let alone a complicated transference with my counsellor...if it's even transference. Sigh. This thread says it all.....challenge and growth, a duality. As always the question is how do we hold both things that seem to be opposing. Thanks :)
ADGO - my only daughter with her family which includes my 3 year old granddaughter whom I adore moving 2500 miles away. Leaving me all alone. Growth opportunity - trying to figure out who I am without my family. So lost at the moment. I lived for my family. Got to find something else that makes me happy.
@Deblesko It must be really tough to be far away from your family, but wow I love your determination , and agree with your point of view :) I hope you find something :) and I am sure you will ;) just believe :D
@Deblesko
Hi there! i wanted to reply to your forum post. I'm so sorry to hear about your family moving away, But i'm glad to hear you are going to try something else that makes you happy! There are always different ways to have your family still with you, even if not in person :- ) I'm always here for you.
Ashley.
